My D Rank Skill is Actually SSS-Rank

Chapter 15: The Guild Master's Inspection and the Dungeon's New Features

Alaric sighed, the weight of his new title – Dungeon Master – settling heavily on his shoulders. This is going to be a long, long life. But at least it won't be boring. And I have an infinite mana dungeon. And a pervert-detecting, singing, mimicking slime. And a coin that generates gold. And X-ray vision. Maybe this 'D-Rank' life isn't so bad after all. As long as I can find a way to build that bathhouse. For optimal relaxation, of course. Perhaps even a 'private' section, for 'research' into advanced relaxation techniques.

He shot a final glare at the transparent slime, which was still happily mimicking Sir Grady's squirrel ballad at Master Elara's feet. "Oh, bushy tails and beady eyes! They haunt my dreams!" it squeaked, perfectly.

Master Elara, still crimson-faced, snatched the slime off her foot. "You! You little... you're still doing that?!" She looked ready to refine the slime herself, into a perfectly silent, perfectly flat puddle.

Agnes, however, was oblivious, her terrifying smile fixed on Alaric. "A mimicking slime! Even better! Alaric, you are a goldmine of innovation! Now, about those dungeon layouts..."

Before Alaric could protest further, the Guild Master Bartholomew himself arrived, bustling into the cavern. He was flanked by a retinue of stern-faced Guild Elders, all looking equally bewildered by the sheer, unblemished cleanliness of the dungeon. Bartholomew, his dyed beard gleaming and his enchanted badger pelt toupee sitting perfectly, stopped dead, his eyes widening as he took in the shimmering Dungeon Core.

System Notification: NPC Detected: [Guild Master Bartholomew - A-Rank]. Skills: Guild Management (B), Bureaucratic Overload (C), Secret Cross-Stitch (D).

"Bartholomew! You're here!" Agnes chirped, practically vibrating with excitement. "Behold! The work of our Master Optimizer! Alaric! His D-Rank skill has transformed our dungeon!"

Guild Master Bartholomew, however, wasn't looking at Agnes. He was staring at the perfectly pure mana radiating from the Dungeon Core. His eyes, usually shrewd, were now wide with a mixture of awe and something that looked suspiciously like pure, unadulterated greed. He took a deep, shuddering breath, as if inhaling the mana itself.

"Infinite mana..." he whispered, his booming voice reduced to a reverent murmur. "It's true... the rumors are true! This... this is a miracle! A gift from the very heavens!" He then turned his gaze to Alaric, a terrifyingly sincere smile spreading across his face. "Alaric! My boy! You have saved the Guild! You have saved Silverhaven! You have saved Aethelgard!"

Alaric felt a cold sweat trickle down his back. Oh, no. He's going full hero-worship. This is worse than the festival. This is a trap. A very, very well-intentioned trap.

"Just basic material refinement, Guild Master," Alaric mumbled, trying to sound modest. "The core was a bit suboptimal. Had some impurities. All fixed now. For optimal mana flow."

One of the Guild Elders, a wizened old man with a long, white beard, stepped forward, his eyes narrowed. "Boy, you claim a D-Rank skill did this? This defies all known magical theory! The purification of an A-Rank Dungeon Core requires the combined might of Arch-Mages and High Priests!"

"Well, maybe your Arch-Mages and High Priests are suboptimal," Alaric retorted, crossing his arms. "They're probably stuck in the old meta. Too focused on flashy spells instead of fundamental atomic rearrangement. It's all about the basics, Grandad. The fundamentals."

The Elder spluttered, his face turning red. "Insolent whelp!"

Guild Master Bartholomew, however, waved a dismissive hand. "Silence, Elder Theron! The results speak for themselves! Look at this purity! This power! Alaric, tell me! What else can this 'Basic Material Refinement' do?" His eyes gleamed with avarice.

Alaric sighed. Here we go. The interrogation. Time to carefully curate my answers. And maybe subtly hint at some pervy applications without getting arrested. "Well, it can turn rusty nails into Adamantine needles. And broken rat traps into rodent teleportation devices. And moth-eaten banners into indestructible, self-cleaning, subtly transparent works of art." He winked at Master Elara, who immediately flushed crimson.

"Subtly transparent?!" Elder Theron shrieked, his eyes darting to Master Elara.

"For optimal light penetration!" Alaric quickly interjected. "And better visibility of the Guild Crest! Very important for public relations!"

Guild Master Bartholomew, however, was already rubbing his hands together. "Magnificent! Truly magnificent! Alaric, as the new Dungeon Master, you will begin designing the new training regimens immediately! Optimal layouts for every rank! From F-Rank basic training to SSS-Rank elite challenges! We shall revolutionize adventurer training! And we shall charge a premium for access to our 'Optimized Dungeon'! Think of the revenue!"

Revenue. Right. My cut had better be SSS-tier, Alaric thought, a cynical smile playing on his lips. "Of course, Guild Master. Optimal layouts. I've already got some ideas. For F-Rank, we could have 'The Maze of Mildly Annoying Cobwebs.' For C-Rank, 'The Gauntlet of Gently Bouncing Slimes.' And for SSS-Rank..." His perverted mind immediately supplied: 'The Labyrinth of Lewd Succubus Statues' or 'The Swimsuit Slime Challenge'. He cleared his throat. "For SSS-Rank, 'The Chamber of Unforeseen Material Properties.' Very challenging. Very... flexible."

Master Elara, who had been listening with growing horror, suddenly stepped forward. "Alaric! You can't be serious! 'Gently Bouncing Slimes'? 'Unforeseen Material Properties'? What about actual combat training?"

"It's all about optimization, Master Elara," Alaric said, shrugging. "You wouldn't want adventurers to be suboptimally trained, would you? We need to prepare them for all eventualities. Including unexpected material transformations. And perhaps, unexpected... encounters." He winked at her again.

Master Elara's face turned beet red. "You... you insolent pervert! Are you suggesting you'll fill our dungeon with... with lewd encounters?!"

"Purely for 'research' into adventurer morale under various stimuli!" Alaric insisted, trying to sound academic. "Optimal psychological conditioning! It's a feature, not a bug!"

Guild Master Bartholomew, however, just stroked his badger pelt toupee thoughtfully. "Hmm, 'unforeseen encounters'... a bold strategy! It adds an element of surprise! Very good, Alaric! Very good indeed!" He then turned to Agnes. "Agnes, ensure Alaric has all the resources he needs! And perhaps assign him a few... assistants! To help with the 'research'!"

Alaric's eyes widened. Assistants? Oh, no. This is either going to be a blessing or a curse. Probably a curse. They'll either be incompetent or try to report my pervy thoughts to the Guild Master.

Just then, the transparent slime, which had been quietly observing from Master Elara's foot, jiggled. Then, in a tiny, perfectly pitched voice that sounded eerily like Master Elara's own, it squeaked: "I secretly find Alaric's perverted comments... mildly intriguing!"

Master Elara froze, her face turning crimson. She snatched the slime off her foot. "You! You little... you're still doing that?!"

Alaric burst out laughing, a genuine, unforced laugh. "It's the 'Uncomfortable Revelations' absorption, Master Elara! It's a feature, not a bug! You should see what it knows about Sir Grady's squirrel phobia!"

Sir Grady, who had been admiring the Dungeon Core, suddenly spun around. "My squirrel phobia?! It knows?!"

The transparent slime jiggled, then in a perfect imitation of Sir Grady's voice, belted out: "Oh, bushy tails and beady eyes! They haunt my dreams, my brave disguise!"

Sir Grady let out a strangled cry. Agnes, however, just stared at the slime, then at Alaric, her terrifying smile returning. "A mimicking slime! Even better! Alaric, you are a goldmine of innovation! Now, about those dungeon layouts... and those assistants!"

Alaric sighed. This is going to be a long, long life. But at least it won't be boring. And I have an infinite mana dungeon. And a pervert-detecting, singing, mimicking slime. And a coin that generates gold. And X-ray vision. Maybe this 'D-Rank' life isn't so bad after all. As long as I can find a way to build that bathhouse. And maybe, just maybe, I can 'optimize' those assistants into a personal research team for 'optimal flexibility' studies.