Netkama Punch!!!

My idea of an online relationship—specifically, a netkama’s online relationship—was simple.
1. Lay on some gross, cutesy flirting.

2. Hook a gullible simp and bleed him for gear or cash.
3. Milk the idiot for all he’s worth until you get caught, then either ghost or claim you got drafted.
In other words, I thought it would be a cakewalk. If things went south, I figured I could just delete the account and vanish. That’s why, when Shin Heejae suggested a one-month relationship, I agreed without much thought.

But…
“No, seriously, what the hell. Is this what online dating is supposed to be like?”
After just one day, I wanted to cancel the whole damn thing.

♥Perfect Job Combos for Couples in Arcadia♥
Views: 125,154
First of all, the problem was that Shin Heejae was the most famous streamer in [Arcadia]. (Fck, fck, f*ck!)
As if he’d been waiting for this moment, the bastard uploaded a video five hours after we "got together" with a title disgusting enough to make me puke. The video opened with ‘Sesam’ and ‘Heejae’ getting married in [Arcadia]’s in-game wedding hall.

“That psycho… No wonder he was in such a rush…”
Seething, I watched the wedding footage. The background music was a famous piano cover of a pop song often used for proposals. The clueless clan members spammed the world chat with congratulations for Heejae’s “true love,” wrapping up the whole mess of a scene.
But that wedding scene lasted a mere 25 seconds out of a ten-minute video. That meant I still had 9 minutes and 35 seconds of suffering left.

The rest was just clips of me and Heejae running dungeons together. He even included old footage from when I was his under-leveled heal slave. I broke out in chills just realizing this bastard had kept every single video of us together.
And what pissed me off even more was how he edited the footage to make us look like a match made in heaven.
Any chat where I cursed at him or told him off was either cut out or drowned in special effects and cutesy subtitles. Even my occasional [lololol] got stitched into clips like I was laughing sweetly at him.

Worse still, he pasted messages I sent during completely unrelated moments and made it look like I’d sent them to him.
One time, we were running a dungeon and came across a monster called [Cocoa Slime]. It looked just like a chocolate kiss, and without thinking, I typed [Looks tasty;].
This f*cking lunatic zoomed in on his character and pasted that chat bubble right on it.

“Are you out of your goddamn mind?! You think I’d call a game character tasty?! Jesus f*cking Christ…”
Does he think everyone is a freak like him who gets turned on by pixels?! I was too speechless to even scream—but the point of no return had already passed.
The video had already racked up over ten thousand [Likes], and the comments… God, the comments.
Hamkyung
OMG! Is Heejae really dating the Healer???...
♥699 replies

Sunnysideup
You two are perfect... what a power couple…
♥356 replies
ClanIsLife
LOL I attended your wedding yesterday LOOOOL Stay strong together!...
♥333 replies
IfYouInstallArcadiaJustDie
Do a collab stream with your girlfriend lololol...
♥239 replies

And the most infuriating part? The bastard who normally never interacted with comments—maybe tossed a random Like once in a blue moon—was now going through every single “you two look good together” comment and liking all of them. He was clearly doing this on purpose.
HaterHyejae
LOOOOL That online wedding suits him lmao. Will he take cash gifts through fan club donations? LOOOOOL
♥1 reply
Even ~Nоvеl𝕚ght~ my beloved anti-fan HaterHyejae was posting these snarky comments now—and Heejae even liked that. I lost the will to fight and slammed the YouTube app shut.

But turning off YouTube wasn’t enough. I wasn’t seeing Shin Heejae in person, sure—but as long as I had a phone in hand, I might as well have been chained to him 24/7.
If the message notification didn’t go away, or I didn’t reply right away, this lunatic would immediately call. What the hell could a full-time corporate drone like me do against that? I couldn’t even turn off my phone at work…
In the end, I had no choice but to reply to every single one of his messages just to keep him from calling. Even now, he had timed his message perfectly to land during my lunch break.

Heejae
Babe~ Did you eat lunch? ㅇ.ㅇ?
Heejae
?
ㅇ_ㅇHmm...

Heejae
Baby’s still eating num-nums?
F*cking hell, this bastard.
Just ate, leave me alone please

Heejae
ㅇ.ㅇ LOOOOOOL But…
How could you call your babe a crazy bastard, babe? ㅇ.ㅇ
Ah…

My hand was trembling as I read his messages. I was reminded of the rule he’d made yesterday.
That rule was… we had to use pet names for each other. Of course, this was some psycho shit only someone like Shin Heejae would think up. I flat-out refused at first—why the hell would a couple need pet names? It made me want to curl up and die.
But the staff still wasn’t mine, and the power dynamic in this relationship was very clearly one-sided.

Heejae was, obviously, the one in charge. When I said no, he half-threatened me with “Noona, are you trying to ruin the immersion?”
And the pet name choices? Absolute garbage. He made me choose between ‘Babe’, ‘Baby’, or ‘Honey’. That was it.
I went with ‘Babe’ since it was the least revolting of the three. But every time he called me ‘Babe’, I felt like I finally understood why people commit murder.

If we’d met in real life, I swear I would’ve beat his ass bloody…
But the shining allure of that staff still held firm in my heart… So, clenching my fist instead of swinging it, I sent him my reply like the pitiful mess I was.
But... Heejae haha...

I think I prefer when you call me Noona
Haha...
Heejae
ㅇ_ㅇHuh??

I mean... doesn't 'Noona' feel more like a pet name?
It just... feels more affectionate haha
Maybe it's cause you said it so much ha

Heejae
ㅇ.ㅇHuhh…?
I’d thought it was a clever play, but it didn’t work on Shin Heejae at all. He just kept spamming [Huh] like some vibrating buzzer. I felt my face burn with embarrassment, and it only made me angrier.
Goddamn it! If someone’s talking to you, at least pretend to listen!

Ha f*ck, seriously…
Who even uses words like that anymore…
You sound like a cringy dork, f*ck…

Are you actually serious? At our age, you seriously want to say shit like “babe”??
Heejae
ㅇ_ㅇ??
ㅇ.ㅇ??

ㅇwㅇ??
I stared at the bastard’s freakshow of emoticons and finally exploded.
DIE, BABE! DIE!!!

Heejae
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
F*CK OFF, YOU BABY BASTARD
YOU GODDAMN BABE-SH*T

Heejae
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
Seeing Shin Heejae laughing his ass off made reality come crashing down. Just look at me now—hiding on the rooftop, squatting in a corner, sending stupid messages so my coworkers wouldn’t see my phone screen...
“Haaah…”

I stared down at the sheer drop below the rooftop fence, seriously tempted to just throw myself off.
And that’s when it happened.
[♬♪♬♪♪♬]

As if mocking my misery, my phone started ringing. It was Shin Heejae.
“F*ck…”
I wanted to ignore it, of course. But this goddamn online relationship had rules. Heejae had insisted that it was weird not to answer your boyfriend’s calls, and I got roped in.

Sure, I didn’t have to talk—but I did have to answer at least once a day.
And I’d already told him what time my lunch break was. There was no excuse to dodge it. Sighing, I picked up the call.
“Noona.”

He sounded chipper as ever, as if everything in the world was going his way.
I scowled and tapped the screen.
10 minutes left

But Heejae kept talking like he didn’t care.
“Noona, are you outside? I hear wind.”
Startled, I quickly muted my mic and replied through our messaging app.

Rooftop.
“Damn, sharp ears…”
I muttered and switched the call to speaker. His voice rang out loud and clear. But his side was noisy too, so I asked him without thinking.

You’re outside too?
“I’m shopping for your gift.”
What?

“Birthday gift. I called to ask if there's anything you want.”
I froze. My birthday was January 25th… and today was January 15th. It was just around the corner.