Netkama Punch!!!

"Hey!"

Startled by the sudden pressure on my lower stomach, I shouted, but Shin Heejae didn’t budge. He just kept pressing down and muttered,
"Seriously, there’s nothing to touch…"
"Don’t press there, you crazy fuck!"

"Not even soft…"
Hearing this asshole casually evaluate my body totally killed my mood. Who the hell was he to say I had "nothing to touch"?!
"You fucker, get off!"

I tried to knee him off with my trapped leg, but Heejae beat me to it—he slapped his hand right onto my chest. Then, without hesitation, he squeezed like he was trying to wring something out.
"Wha—"
In my entire life, not once had I imagined a guy grabbing my chest like this. My mind went completely blank.

While I was still in shock, Heejae tilted his head and gave it one, two, three squeezes like some kind of idiot on autopilot, and I...
Thwack—!
The second I snapped out of it, I kneed him in the crotch—something I’d been restraining myself from doing out of solidarity as a fellow man.

Heejae didn’t even scream. He just collapsed sideways, curling up like a shrimp. I didn’t show him any mercy and kicked him again square in the back.
He clutched himself and whimpered at the edge of the bed.
"…Ah, wait... Noona, don’t push me… I can’t feel anything. Down there."

"You want me to make sure there really is nothing left down there?"
"……."
When he didn’t answer, I kicked him in the back again. This time, he didn’t even make a sound and just flopped off the bed.

* * *
"Fuck…"
But when I woke up the next morning feeling suffocated, there he was again—Shin Heejae had somehow /N_o_v_e_l_i_g_h_t/ climbed back into bed and was hugging me in his sleep. I freaked out and shoved him away, but the bastard just lay there, half-folded up like a used napkin, and kept sleeping.
'I told him I'd kill him if he crawled back up here again…'

I stared at his annoying face and pinched his nose hard. Out of all possible punishments, I chose slow suffocation.
"…Pff."
He grunted a bit, then opened his mouth with a groan, furrowed his brow, and after a few seconds, blinked his eyes open and looked at me.

I quickly pulled my hand away. He croaked in a raspy voice.
"…I saw everything, Kim Seyoung."
"Saw what?"

"…Um… I dunno."
"Idiot. If you’re awake, get the fuck out of my bed."
But instead of listening, he rolled over to avoid my hand and yawned multiple times. He pressed his face into the pillow, then turned to stare at me through his messy bangs. His eyes had sharpened now that he was fully awake.

In a low, flat voice, Heejae said,
"Kim Seyoung, you wanna die?"
"Since when are we speaking informally?"

He pouted, then talked back.
"I almost went to the ER last night, you know."
"One more stunt like that and next time it'll be the morgue, you asshole."

I growled, recalling the utter bullshit he pulled yesterday. Heejae turned his gaze away, as if even he knew what he did deserved death.
But instead of apologizing, he grabbed my hand—and brought it to his chest.
"Then you should grope me too."

"You bastard! I don’t want to!"
I yanked my hand back like it burned, and Heejae yawned again, stretching like nothing happened. Then he started mocking me.
"Then what should I do if I want you to grope me?"

"What?"
"We're dating, right?"
It was ridiculous. But at the same time, alarm bells were blaring in my head.

‘…What the hell?’
I mean, come on. A guy groping another guy’s chest? That’s not something you joke about lightly.
Up till now, I’d written off all his "possibility" talk as teasing, just him messing with me. But what if… What if the bastard was serious all along?

The thought sent a cold shiver down my spine.
"Then instead of letting you grope me, I’ll kick you."
"Huh?"

"Wherever I want. You in?"
"……."
I said it coldly, trying to mask my instinctive dread. The bastard shut his mouth for once, and I kept glaring at him, my suspicion never leaving.

‘If he’s actually serious… this is even worse than when he first barged into my house.’
* * *
Without a clue about the existential crisis I was having, Shin Heejae, now fully awake, got out of the shower and immediately started whining about food.

"Noona, why don’t you have anything to eat in this house?"
"There's a convenience store on the corner. Go buy something."
"Aren’t you hungry?"

"Not really."
I answered curtly, still watching him with suspicion, but Heejae didn’t seem to care. He rummaged through the fridge and cupboards like a man on a mission for food.
Then, suddenly, he started stripping off his sweatpants. The flash of bare skin shocked me so much I turned my head and immediately cursed.

"Are you insane?"
"Huh?"
"I said, why the fuck are you taking your clothes off all of a sudden?"

"Huh? You told me to go to the convenience store."
I realized belatedly that I was being overly jumpy—but I couldn’t take back what I’d said, and the mood turned sour.
"Hmm…"

He changed into a black turtleneck, pulling it halfway up over his face as he gave me that annoying eye-smile. Then he strolled over to me slowly.
"Don’t sneak peeks. Just look openly."
"When did I ever—!!"

"Suspicious… Your face is all red."
"That's because my blood pressure spikes around you."
I barely managed to shoot back, but he just looked down at me with that infuriatingly smug face.

His stare made it hard to breathe, so I ended up leaving for work earlier than usual—even though technically I didn’t have to go for another thirty minutes.
But of course, Shin Heejae followed me. He didn’t stalk me exactly, just kept pace behind me all the way. I was on edge until I got to the subway station.
‘What the hell is he planning now…?!’

Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I spun around and glared at him. He smirked like he’d been waiting for me to do that.
"Let’s hit the convenience store?"
"Why the hell would I?"

"I didn’t bring anything with me."
"Are you fucking stupid?"
I turned away, ready to ignore him and walk off, but he was faster. His hand grabbed my arm, and the feeling of it brought back yesterday’s trauma.

I tried to shake him off, flapping my arm wildly, but he was stupidly strong and wouldn’t let go. He dragged me all the way to the nearby convenience store with outdoor tables.
"You’re not getting anything?"
"…Shut the fuck up, will you?"

"Why?"
He loaded up the counter with arms full of snacks, ramen, and drinks. It looked like it’d cost at least 30,000 won. I wanted to just bolt, but I was too scared of the consequences.
To make it worse, he casually called me "Noona" in front of the cashier. Thankfully, the part-timer looked half-dead from an all-nighter and just scanned the barcodes without a second glance.

I elbowed Heejae hard in the ribs, hoping to shut him up. He didn’t flinch, but at least he stopped calling me that for now.
"That’ll be 32,800 won. Do you need a bag?"
"No."

"Insert your card, please."
I pulled out my wallet and tapped my card. Heejae stacked the food like a tower and carried it over to one of the tables.
"Always calling me a pig, but clearly you’re the real pig…"

I was about to head to work when he suddenly called out to me.
"Noona, where you going?"
"Who the hell are you calling noona?!"

Unfortunately, I locked eyes with the cashier right then, and I snapped. But Heejae ignored me and held up a cup of ramen.
"Fine, Seyoung-ah, wanna eat this?"
"I’m not eating. I have to go to work."

"You’ve still got plenty of time."
"……."
He had a point. I’d already blown through most of my stress grinding last night, and even if I got there early, there wouldn’t be much to do. Plus, if I left now, I’d be stuck on the hell-train at peak hour.

As I hesitated, Heejae peeled the lids off two cups of ramen. I reluctantly walked over to the table, and he slid a triangle kimbap toward me.
We ended up eating breakfast together—though only I felt awkward. Heejae casually devoured a cup of ramen in under ten minutes and then made a bold request.
"Seyoung-ah, how about you do the grocery shopping from now on? I’ll let it slide today."

"You wanna fucking die?"
I glared at him, biting into my noodles, and he laughed quietly. Then, putting on a fake concerned face, he said,
"Noona, if you keep eating this kind of junk all the time, you’ll ruin your health."

"I don’t know how to cook."
"Then how have you been surviving?"
Normally I skip breakfast. Lunch is covered by my company, so I grab a quick meal nearby for around 8,000 won. Dinner? If I’m hungry or craving something, I get takeout.

But instead of explaining all that, I just chewed my chopsticks like a lunatic and sneered at him.
"You think I’m a pig like you who does nothing but think about food?"