One Piece: My Name is Jack, I'm Very Resistant to Beating

"Congratulations to the host for successfully boarding the ship. Since the host hasn't chosen a draw in a while, one has been automatically conducted!"

"Congratulations to the host for obtaining a basic reward: +3 to agility."

The mechanical voice of the system echoed in Jack's mind, leaving him momentarily dumbfounded. Seriously? The disparity here is way too much, isn't it? A rooster Zoan user earned him an awakening reward, yet a pigeon Zoan user, much stronger in comparison, only granted him three points in agility?

System, are you looking down on pigeons?

"Hey! Trebol! Stay away from me!"

"And watch your snot—it's about to hit the floor!"

"Behihihi…" Trebol tilted his head back and sniffed hard. "Not a chance!"

Jack took a step back, watching an unidentified substance drip from Trebol's clothing.

What is this guy? A Snot-Snot Fruit user? Glue? Or… something worse?

Do such Devil Fruits even exist? Either way, I'd better keep my distance. If he really is a… Jack grimaced at the thought. Even a pregnancy test stick would show two lines just from waving it around near him.

He cast a wary glance toward Trebol and shifted further away.

But where is Master? Why hasn't he come back yet? Did he fail to heal the kid?

Doflamingo seemed equally puzzled by Master and Pica's extended absence. Just as he was about to investigate, Diamante approached with a resigned expression.

"Hey, Doffy, Gimlet's been rescued, but it seems Russian isn't too happy about Pica's pirate status. Master is trying to talk her down."

"Oh? Makes sense. Not everyone can accept being associated with pirates," Doflamingo replied casually. "Still, without our help, Gimlet wouldn't have survived. I'm sure Russian will come around soon enough."

Turning to Jack, Doflamingo gestured toward Diamante. "This is Diamante, one of my family's top officers."

Jack scrutinized Diamante, whose attire resembled that of an eccentric Native American warrior. With a deadpan expression, Jack offered a polite compliment.

"As expected of a top officer in your family—his sense of fashion is absolutely… unparalleled. From his aura alone, I can tell he's a one-man army."

Diamante chuckled, feigning humility. "Oh, no, no. You flatter me too much."

"Not at all. Even the markings on your face scream 'exceptional' to me."

"Oh, please, you're too kind," Diamante replied, bowing modestly.

This guy's not much to look at, but he sure knows how to fake humility, Jack mused. He found himself oddly impressed by Diamante's attitude.

"I didn't expect you to be so modest…" Jack began, only for Diamante to abruptly cut him off.

"Well then, I have no choice but to admit it!" Diamante suddenly exclaimed, puffing out his chest.

"Yes, I AM a one-man army!"

...I don't know if you're a one-man army, but you're definitely unmatched in shamelessness. Jack sighed inwardly. People shouldn't change their attitude so quickly.

Doflamingo interrupted the exchange. "Diamante, no need for introductions. You've already met Jack, right? Is the banquet ready?"

"All set, Doffy. Don't worry about a thing," Diamante replied, gesturing for the group to follow him.

Doflamingo turned to Jack with a knowing smile. "Congratulations on recruiting such a capable group of subordinates for the Beasts Pirates."

Jack seemed to remember something and quickly responded. "By the way, did your merchant contact tell you? I have a batch of high-quality ivory for you to handle."

"Oh? Didn't you just deliver a shipment? How…" Doflamingo trailed off, recalling Jack's ability to regrow his tusks. He chose not to pursue the topic further. No wonder Kaido took a liking to this little monster. When it comes to money, they're two peas in a pod.

After a moment of contemplation, Doflamingo nodded. "Fine. But I don't have that much cash on hand. How should I pay you?"

"Next time we trade, just pass it to my men."

Jack turned to his crew. "Hey! You idiots! Stop standing around. Move all the ivory from the ship into the island!"

As the crew unloaded the massive haul of ivory, even Doflamingo, with all his composure, couldn't hide his astonishment. He stood with his mouth slightly agape, lost for words.

After a long silence, Doflamingo finally spoke, concern evident in his tone. "You… you're still not fully grown, right? This much… won't it affect your development?"

Jack scratched his head, exasperated. "Do you think I want to grow taller? At this rate, finding a wife is going to be impossible."

Doflamingo turned away, deep in thought.

The banquet was lively, filled with the aroma of roasted meat, overflowing wine, and an assortment of fruits. A group of pirate musicians played raucous tunes, adding to the festive atmosphere.

"Jack! Let me introduce you," Doflamingo said, gesturing toward his officers. "This is Giolla, this is Sugar, and this is Lao G…"

Jack's face was blank as he processed the lineup. Each member of the Donquixote Family was more… unique than the last. From the sweater-clad Machvise to Pica—who stood only half a head shorter than him but spoke in a voice sharp enough to make his teeth ache—none of them compared to Lao G.

The sight of Lao G's vein-covered, bald head was unforgettable.

If Fukurokuju represents exaggeration, Lao G is the epitome of realism. That head… it's like a lethal weapon.

"Jack, this is my brother, Rosinante," Doflamingo said, his tone unusually solemn. "He can't speak and has a peculiar personality. I hope you'll understand."

Rosinante, cloaked in a black feathered coat and sporting a gothic look, nodded politely before finding a quiet spot to sit and down a bottle of wine in one go.

"Jack-sama, thank you!"

Jack turned to see Senor Pink and Master approaching. Pica looked genuinely moved.

"Congratulations, Senor Pink. Go make things right with your wife. She'll come around eventually."

"Master, how's the kid?" Jack asked.

Master shook his head, looking troubled. "Amber Lead Syndrome isn't so much a disease as it is the body producing its own toxins. I was able to cleanse his system of the current toxins, but I can't cure it entirely. At best, I can suppress it for five years. After that, it will resurface. Bring him to me then, perhaps I'll have improved enough to fully cure it by that time."

"Only five years?" Doflamingo's voice carried a hint of disappointment. But he quickly regained his composure. "Five years is plenty of time. By then, I might even find a Devil Fruit capable of solving this entirely. If not, I'll rely on you again."

Raising a glass, he offered it to Master. "Come, Master, try this red wine from the North Blue."

Jack stifled a laugh. Doffy, you've got it wrong. Master's a man now. Hell, if you two ended up in the restroom together, you'd be the one feeling insecure.

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+100 chapters on p@treon/tambeerg