"Oops! I Stole the Isekai Lottery"

Rita Skeeter, the most notorious reporter in the wizarding world, sat poised, her Quick-Quotes Quill hovering over a fresh piece of parchment. Across from her sat two of the most powerful and unpredictable wizards in existence—Albus Dumbledore and Raja Rudra Kumara.

One was an ancient, wise, grandfatherly figure.

The other? A chaotic agent of pure insanity and unfiltered truth.

This was going to be legendary.

Rita Skeeter: "Gentlemen, let's get straight to the point! With the Dark Lord's return, are there any major changes in Hogwarts' curriculum?"

Dumbledore: "We are focusing on defensive spells, survival skills, and—"

Raja: "Yes. I personally proposed adding 'How to Punch Dark Lords in the Face 101' as a core subject."

Dumbledore: "That was rejected."

Raja: "Temporarily rejected. I'll reapply with evidence."

Rita Skeeter: "Speaking of that, you were seen using an odd contraption in the Triwizard Tournament. A… flying board? Care to elaborate?"

Raja: "Ah, yes! My Next-Gen Hoverboard. Broomsticks are outdated. Why ride a stick when you can glide like a king? Faster, sleeker, and best of all—no splinters in awkward places."

Dumbledore: "Raja, broomsticks have a long tradition in the wizarding world."

Raja: "And I have a long tradition of being awesome."

Rita Skeeter: "Fascinating! Now, what exactly happened to the Infernaura, the hybrid dragon from the First Task?"

Raja: "Oh, Ragnarok? He's my pet now. He guards my island mansion in space."

Rita Skeeter: "I—wait, what?"

Dumbledore: "Don't ask."

Rita Skeeter: "There is much speculation about the infamous Defense Against the Dark Arts curse. Hogwarts keeps losing teachers! Any thoughts?"

Raja: "Simple. Voldemort jinxed it. My plan? Reverse-jinx it."

Rita Skeeter: "Reverse-jinx? How?"

Raja: "By appointing someone so unkillable, even the curse gives up."

Rita Skeeter: "And who is this… unkillable professor?"

Raja: "Me."

Dumbledore: "Also temporarily rejected."

Raja: "Again, only for now."

Rita Skeeter: "Rumors are swirling about your latest alchemical inventions. Care to explain?"

Raja: "Yes! Introducing the Magic-Pad—a magical tablet that stores information, plays wizard chess, and, most importantly, lets you order food from anywhere."

Rita Skeeter: "Fascinating! And the God-Eye Camera?"

Raja: "A high-speed magical camera that can catch a Snitch's movement frame by frame. Quidditch referees can finally do their job!"

Dumbledore: "Raja, we do not need cameras in Quidditch."

Raja: "Says the man who lets Snape referee sometimes."

Rita Skeeter: "And the beauty potions?"

Raja: "Let's just say I've made Professor Snape's hair less greasy."

Dumbledore: "That is actually true."

Rita Skeeter: "Now, this is the BIG one. You recently rebranded the Order of the Phoenix as the Order of Merlin and made yourself the leader?"

Raja: "Yes. The old name was bad luck. And let's be honest—who sounds cooler: 'Albus Dumbledore, Leader of the Phoenix' or 'Raja, Supreme Wizard King'?"

Dumbledore: "Raja, you are not a king."

Raja: "That's what they said about Arthur. Look what happened."

Rita Skeeter: "Final question—what is your take on Voldemort's identity?"

Raja: "Ah, Tom Riddle, the tragic half-blood with daddy issues."

Rita Skeeter: "Half-blood? But his followers—"

Raja: "—are morons who think he's pure-blood. Plot twist: he's a Muggle-born with extra steps."

Dumbledore: "I cannot deny that is an… interesting perspective."

Rita Skeeter: "Are you saying the Dark Lord is a fraud?"

Raja: "I'm saying he's a dramatic orphan with a snake fetish and bad skincare."

The interview ended with pure chaos.

Dumbledore sighed.

Rita's quill was broken from overuse.

The Wizarding World was about to have a meltdown.

And Raja?

Raja: "I think that went well."

The Hogwarts Express chugged along as Raja lounged across from Harry, Ron, and Hermione, sipping pumpkin juice like a king about to deliver earth-shattering gossip.

Harry, still shell-shocked from yesterday's disastrous interview with Rita Skeeter, looked at Raja warily.

Harry: "Mate, what the hell was that yesterday? You just casually dropped that Voldemort is a dramatic orphan with a snake fetish, rebranded the Order of the Phoenix, and declared yourself Wizard King!"

Raja: "Correction: Supreme Wizard King."

Ron nearly choked on his Chocolate Frog. "You can't just make up titles for yourself!"

Raja: "Says the guy who is best known as 'The Sidekick.'"

Ron scowled.

Hermione, who had been scribbling notes all along.

Harry sighed. "Okay, let's focus. Raja, you also mentioned something about the Marauders, and I noticed Sirius looked very nervous. What's the real story?"

Raja's evil grin widened.

Raja: "Oh, you guys are in for a treat."

Raja: "First, who here thinks James Potter and his gang were 'cool' rebels fighting against the system?"

Harry raised his hand.

Ron hesitantly followed.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

Raja: "Wrong. They were Hogwarts' original bullies. The Draco Malfoy gang before Draco Malfoy even existed."

Harry: "Wait, WHAT?"

Raja: "Let's break it down. The Marauders consisted of: James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus 'Professor Werewolf' Lupin, and Peter 'Betrayal is My Hobby' Pettigrew.

They had one major goal: making Severus Snape's life a living hell."

Ron snorted. "Well, Snape's a git."

Raja: "Oh, absolutely. But let's be real—if a gang of popular, rich kids spent years hexing you, shoving you into walls, and pulling your pants down in public, wouldn't you grow up a little… bitter?"

Harry frowned. "But my dad wasn't a bully! He was just… playful?"

Raja: "My guy, your father was OBSESSED with Snape. He bullied him for seven years straight. It wasn't even casual bullying—it was a hobby, a passion, a full-time unpaid internship."

Hermione gasped. "Wait. Wait. Wait. Raja, are you saying James was… infatuated with Snape?"

Raja: "Oh, 100%. James could not leave Snape alone. The way he followed him around, obsessed over his every move… that's some weird, repressed energy."

Harry: "No way! He married my Mum!"

Raja: "Yeah. As revenge."

Silence.

Ron looked horrified.

Hermione: "You mean… James married Lily just to take something away from Snape?"

Raja: "Absolutely. Your dad was so dedicated to making Snape miserable that he went, 'You love Lily? Cool, she's mine now.'"

Harry's eye twitched.

Raja: "And while we're at it, let's talk about how many times Snape saved Harry's life."

Harry blinked. "Snape tried to kill me in first year!"

Raja: "Oh? You mean the time he was muttering a counter-curse while Quirrell was actually trying to murder you?"

Harry's face fell.

Raja: "Or the time when Bludger try to hit you even though you are on the floor and blasting it Oblivion"

Ron: "Blimey, he even tried to protect you in second year… Quidditch match."

Harry clutched his forehead. "Oh, Merlin."

Harry groaned, running his hands through his hair. "So what you're telling me is… my dad was Malfoy, and Snape was me?"

Raja: "Exactly. Snape was just a poor, awkward, socially inept kid trying to survive while your dad and his rich, handsome gang terrorized him for fun."

Raja: "if you want proof" he showed the Cute teenage Snape photo that he stole from year book from Dumbledore office, seeing cute little teenager of their age they gasped.

Ron, pale, whispered: "Are we they baddies?"

Raja: "No, but your dad definitely was harry, the reason Snape is so repulsive about you is that you're his Nightmare's carbon copy."

Harry: "I need to lie down."

And thus, another beautiful day of chaos on the Hogwarts Express.