Our happy ever after

It didn't take long until Taeui's moans slipped from his mouth and Ilay entered him. Taeui was completely full and the pressure he felt below was something he could no longer do without. Something that he always dreaded, now made him remember blissful times together. When the room quieted down and only their breaths were heard, Taeui felt his body swaying between consciousness and unconsciousness and as his eyes and breaths got heavier he thought about how Ilay didn't kiss or call his name as much. But he was too tired and relaxed to think about it and when he woke up he had forgotten about it. 

When he went to the kitchen to grab something to drink, the trio were saying their farewells. 'At least I won't have to deal with them any longer,' he thought as he waved back at them. 

The next day it was their turn to go back to Berlin and even though nothing in particular had happened Ilay was pensive for most of the time, tapping his finger on the armrest while dazily staring at nothing. He wasn't in a bad mood, however something was bothering him. 

A few peaceful days went by until Ilay told him he had a long job and left. Taeui found it strange that they didn't get intimate before Ilay left, even though Ilay only left the following day. If Taeui thought about it, he found it even stranger that Ilay barely slept in Taeui's room and on the nights he did, he used it just for sleeping and nothing else. 

 Taeui hoped that whatever was bothering him would be resolved soon because even though Ilay wasn't aggressive, his mood had everyone walking on eggshells. He tried to think back and figure out why Ilay was in such a mood, but many things could be the cause. So Taeui decided to wait until Ilay was back and ask him directly. 

After a month without contact, Taeui received a call late at night from Ilay. He didn't say much, he just wanted to tell Taeui the job would take longer than expected and he would stay another month. Before hanging up, there was a long silence as if Ilay wanted to say something but there was only the sound of their breaths. Taeui felt the awkwardness sink in unsure why the atmosphere between them had gotten like that. 

"Are you going to call again?" asked Taeui to ease the uncomfortable feeling setting low in his stomach. A very faint click of a tongue followed before Ilay's answer. 

"Tomorrow."

With that, the call ended. Taeui stared at his phone for a while before putting it away. He tried to think why their conversation didn't flow. Sure Ilay wasn't one to talk at length, he just said what he needed and ended the call. That was true most of the time, but there were times when Ilay was away for longer periods than a week, he would stay on the line for longer while Taeui talked about his day. Taeui figured that either Ilay was bored without someone to punch or maybe, just maybe, he missed him and wanted to hear his voice. But even when there was nothing to say and the conversation wasn't going anywhere, it was never awkward. Not like this. 

The next couple of days, Ilay called almost every day and as each day passed, his mood was icier and by the last time he called the exchange of words, was of mere strangers.

"Hi," Taeui answered the call.

"Hm."

"Hm."

"How was your day?" Ilay asked after a long moment.

"Good. Yours?"

"Good."

A long silence settled on the call as neither spoke. Taeui wanted to ask what was wrong but a part of him thought that it was just in his head and for Ilay everything was normal, or close to it. But he knew Ilay enough to know something was clouding his mind. 

That was when it clicked. Taeui remembered when Ilay had been like this before. When they met back in UNHRDO just for joint training when his uncle convinced him to help. Yes, at that time his mood was just like this. 

After this, Ilay didn't call again. Taeui was left with anxiety and a dark mood that gnawed at him bit by bit. Maybe he was too full of himself these past few years and what he thought were gestures of affection were just whims. Or maybe Ilay didn't like the fact that Taeui felt cared for enough to feel so at ease. Taeui kept having thoughts like this, getting worse by the day, and each day, it was harder to push the thoughts back and think rationally. 

By the time Ilay got back, another month and a half had passed. Taeui thought that Ilay wasn't one to make a wrong guess at how long a job would take and the delay was him just simply avoiding dealing with him. Maybe this was it, Ilay's whim of having Taeui as his had finally expired. Ilay was finally bored of him and just unsure of how to let go of a toy he no longer wanted. 

It happens to everyone. We get a toy that we like and then every other toy doesn't seem good enough and we take this toy everywhere and play with it for a long time. Then it comes the day that we look at it and it no longer fascinates us as it used to, so eventually, we start leaving it behind more and more, until we put it away. Then the time comes when we grow out of it and throw it away or give it to someone else. Ilay can't have someone else have what was his, so he will throw it away and never look back at it. 

'He will probably kill me before letting go of me.' Taeui thought when he saw Ilay sitting on the sofa after taking a shower. Ilay brought two beers, opening one and handing it to Taeui and drinking his own. He barely looked at Taeui and just sipped on his beer his mind elsewhere. Taeui continued staring at the book in his hand, he lost focus the second he saw Ilay approaching the house. Taeui put the book away and went to help Peter tending to the garden. While he did so, he felt Ilay's gaze on him but when he looked back and even after their eyes met, Ilay didn't say anything, nor move, nor give any indication that he wanted to speak.

That night at dinner, with Kyle away on a business trip, it was just the two on the table. 

"You took longer finishing the job." Taeui broke the heavy and awkward silence. He wasn't able to enjoy his food and by the way Ilay had barely eaten anything he was the same. 

"Hm. Something unexpected happened." The silence settled again and Ilay clicked his tongue. 

But now that Ilay was back, Taeui felt like he could just talk to Ilay and understand what was happening. That was the idea, but he couldn't bear to utter a word. His throat was clogged and his heart was violently spreading blood that didn't seem to reach his fingers and he could barely feel them lifting the fork to his mouth. 

The meal was passed in silence and even after when they relaxed in the living room, Ilay reading a book while tapping his finger and Taeui working on a puzzle book he got from Maurer, no words were exchanged. Taeui went to his room, the main reason was that he couldn't take that stifled atmosphere any longer. The second reason was that he figured that since Ilay was away for so long he would definitely go to his room tonight. 

Taeui let his thoughts go astray as he imagined Ilay walking into his room undressing in front of him and kissing him. Yes, he was pent-up. And if he was pent-up, Ilay would be worse than him. He took a long shower and only wore his boxers and a t-shirt to sleep. Under the covers, his thoughts were all over the place, from wanting Ilay to come to him, to imagining Ilay ending things with him. 

'No. He wouldn't end things with me…' but that thought stuck for longer than he wanted in his head. And when he woke up at the crack of dawn surprised he didn't realise he had fallen asleep he noticed the side of his bed was empty. 'I guess he really is ready to let go.' 

Taeui massaged his head, his annoyance increasing so early in the morning put him in a bad mood. He decided to take a stroll outside and as he walked by Ilay's room he wavered for a moment, wanting to open the door and talk to him to snap out of it. But he didn't. He couldn't. His throat clogged up just thinking about it. Instead, he walked downstairs and outside enjoying the morning dew on his face. As he passed by the pool he noticed Ilay reading in the living room, still on the same page he saw him last night but he looked tired. And despite their eyes meeting, Ilay didn't smile, not even the icy smile.

This was worse than being angry. He didn't regard Taeui enough to even feel anger. He was just indifferent towards him. 'Then maybe he will let me leave.' Taeui thought bitterly as he walked away.