Our happy ever after

Two days passed with them only being in the same space when eating and barely exchanging any words. Ilay didn't go to Taeui's room. Taeui couldn't bring himself to ask what was wrong and began avoiding Ilay's gaze. Or maybe Ilay avoided his first since he didn't have to put much effort while they were eating. On the third day after Ilay was back, Taeui couldn't take it anymore, he was angry and frustrated. 

"What's wrong with you?" he asked walking into Ilay's room. It was the middle of the afternoon and Ilay was working on his laptop but even when Taeui barged in he didn't take his eyes off the screen.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. You have been acting weird since Greece and you won't say anything about it. I thought it would pass but instead, you are avoiding me."

"I could say the same about you… avoiding me I mean."

Taeui clicked his tongue.

"Sure, yes I admit it. I have partly avoided you but I only started because you keep being in this mood and I have no idea what you are thinking. So care to tell me what is it?"

'Care' Ilay murmured after a low sigh. Finally, he looked away from his laptop and turned to face Taeui. 

"How can you be so sure that I care about you?"

Taeui felt like he was thrown into the freezing Antarctic. His entire body froze, and his brain took a moment to form coherent words. As he tried to work out the information he had received, he raised a brow at Ilay, who explained further.

"Back in Greece, you said you knew I cared for you, but your reasoning was lacking. So explain it to me."

Taeui opened his mouth after a few moments but when words didn't form he closed it again. He massaged his temples and after some time he replied.

"So you are telling me you are in this mood because of that conversation?" he shook his head and after a long sigh he continued. "What is it to you that I feel like you care for me? Am I wrong to think that then? Is that what you mean?"

"What I'm asking is what reasons do you have to believe that?"

"I already told you why!" 

Taeui's anger was bubbling up as the conversation continued and he felt pitiful for having to talk about this with Ilay. He didn't know what Ilay meant by it. Was it because he felt like Taeui shouldn't feel cared for because it went against his inhumanity? Or was it because it felt too real and he didn't like it? But Taeui had said he liked him several times before and Ilay never had this reaction before. Was it because he realised he no longer felt the same about Taeui? But seeing as Ilay was still waiting for an answer and wouldn't budge until he was given one, Taeui spilt his heart out, even though each word he spoke scratched his throat and he was sure that any moment his voice would break and fail and the anger he was trying to keep in would overflow. After that, he may cry or punch Ilay, probably both.

"Is it so wrong of me to feel cared for? This is pissing me off but you want to know so here it goes. When our eyes meet I can read your thoughts and you mine. And when you bring me beers or books from the different places you have to go to work makes me feel like you are always thinking of me, even when you're away. And yes, I said it before but the way you play with my hair when it is just the two of us."

"That's it?"

Taeui's heart broke. 'Ah living with this beast is really detestable sometimes.'

How could he explain such an abstract thing to a beast?

"Yes, that's it. What more do you want me to say? That I feel cared for when you call out my name when we are intimate or how you know what tea I like best or how I like my coffee. And even know me well enough to know what beverage I'm in the mood for. And when I'm homesick how you take me to a Korean restaurant even if I don't say anything?

"And that besides me there is no one who has the same privileges with you as me. Yes, if I were to punch you right now, and believe me I'm about this close to doing it, you wouldn't kill me nor beat me to a pulp."

Taeui was breathing heavily glaring at Ilay who was tapping his finger on the armrest watching Taeui with a serious and indifferent expression. The longer to silence stretched the closer Taeui felt to snap.

"So the definition of me caring for you is not killing you or beating you to a pulp," Ilay spoke softly and slowly. His eyes looked to the floor for a moment before he brought them up to Taeui again. A new emotion hidden away behind the icy eyes gave almost nothing away. "You are really pitiful having to live with someone like me."

Taeui snapped and threw a punch at Ilay. Ilay didn't block it or evade it, he just let it hit him square in the jaw. Then he threw another and another. He punched him in the face chest and stomach. "You fucker! You fucking bastard!"

How could he? How could Ilay say something like that to him? Saying he felt pity for Taeui to be living with him negated everything they went through. Everything Taeui went through while living with him was as if nothing really mattered and all that sense of being cared for was his imagination. Then what had he been doing these past few years with Ilay? 

'Fuckboy.' 

That sounded more accurate than whatever fantasy Taeui thought they were. No. He was simply a fuckboy and pet to a diamond spoon beast who took care of his toy so he could keep playing with it, but nothing more than that. 

'You are mine, Taeui.' 

Those words replayed on his mind over and over and what he had thought they meant before crumbled to mean just what they were. 'I'm a possession. An object. Nothing more.' 

Taeui punched him again.

"I really thought I meant something to you… But I'm just a fuckboy like Angel said."

He stepped back and seeing the expression Ilay wore almost brought him to his knees – pity. 

He took another step back and looked away pressing his fingers on his eyes and he tried to keep his tears in check. He needed that bit of physical pain to bring him to the present again. He turned back when he saw Ilay standing and a shiver ran up his spine. His basic instinct of survival kicked up and he tensed ever so slightly. But Ilay noticed it, just like he noticed everything about Taeui and he took a step towards Taeui, but he stepped back again. Ilay had an expression that Taeui rarely saw towards him, if ever. Not even when he ran away the first or second time had Ilay looked like this. 

"Is this how it ends then?" said Taeui, resigned to his fate. "If you want to kill me I won't run away, just give me time to write a letter to my brother. After all these years you can grant me that much right?" Taeui didn't dare move, even his lips barely moved as he talked. He bit them down, hoping that the tremble that ailed them didn't attract attention. When Ilay was like this, devoid of his senses and humanity, anything could set him off.

A turmoil of emotions filled Ilay's eyes, and for a moment Taeui was taken aback seeing the hurt and anger from Ilay. He noticed how Ilay pressed his lips together and how his fists clenched even more, his eyes cold enough to kill.

"Do whatever you want," said Taeui turning back but before he turned around Ilay grabbed his arm and pulled him close.