Passion (BL Novel)

“……No……, please put this back where it belongs.”
Jeong Tae-ui suddenly stood up, threw the book to Ching, and ran out of the bookshelf. He heard a few voices saying “Huh?” from behind him, but he pretended not to notice and ran out of the study room.
What a stupid memory. Well, if you didn’t call yesterday, then of course it would be today! Did you forget that you fell asleep last night in disappointment, Jeong Tae-ui?

While waiting for the elevator that stopped on the first floor to come down, he ran up the stairs, feeling sorry for the time he was wasting. He didn’t realize that he was out of breath as he ran from the fifth basement floor to the ground floor.
Jeong Tae-ui, who reached the ground floor in one breath, walked to his office, pounding his chest. It was already past regular time, so normally, only the on-duty guard would be left in the office.
After taking a deep breath in front of the door—not even dreaming that his uncle would laugh his ass off when he saw the footage captured on camera—he knocked on the door. He heard a noise from inside and opened the door.
Shin-ru was the only one left in the office. He smiled brightly when he saw Jeong-tae-ui.

“Tae-i hyung is here.”
“Yeah. ……Are you alone?”
“Yes, I’m on duty today. ……Were you busy?”

“No, I had some free time, so I was reading a book in the library. I was just getting annoyed by the interruption, so I came running right away when I got called. I can’t go out if I’m on duty.”
“Yes. Ki-pen Kyoho was supposed to be on duty, but he suddenly got sick, so I had to change it. So I don’t think I can go for a walk today. I’m sorry, hyung.”
Shin-ru nodded apologetically and whispered. Jeong-tae-ui said, “No, what, Ki-pen is really sick?” Even as he continued to speak, he felt disappointed inside. Is that so? It was a cancellation call.

Even though he tried not to show it, Jeong Tae-ui’s face seemed too obvious. Shin-ru hesitated while watching Jeong Tae-ui’s expression, then smiled awkwardly and continued.
“But I don’t have much work to do today anyway, and I’m just going to keep my seat……. Would you like to sit down and have some tea before you go? Vice Minister Jang-til came back from his trip a while ago and brought me some good tea. If you’re not busy, why don’t you sit down and go, hyung?”
“Oh, really? I’m not busy. ……Yeah, what kind of tea is it?”

“Gimun. Do you like it?”
“I haven’t tried it. Green tea?”
“No, it’s black tea……I can smell the scent. I’ll get it for you right away, so try it.”

Shin-ru diligently entered the separate room. He could hear the sound of water and the clanking of dishes from inside.
Jeong Tae-ui hesitated and tilted his head through the open door of the private room, then saw the recording camera that was installed in the corner of the office and sat down quietly.
Yes, there was no reason to go for a walk. It would have been nice to go outside and walk along the beach and look at the sky and the sea, but it was more important to be with Shin-ru. If only the two of them could be together, what would it be like to stay indoors? If only they could quietly drink tea and chat.
Soon after, Shin-ru came out of the private room carrying a tray. The tray with the teacup on it looked a bit precarious, so Jeong-ru quickly got up and accepted the tray. Thank you, and his smiling face was also lovely.

Just as his uncle said, maybe his tastes really don’t change. The second person whose heart beats fast since he was born is this lovely and handsome young man.
“Have you gotten used to it now? Is it hard?” Sitting across from Jeong Tae-ui, Shin-ru spoke. Jeong Tae-ui, who had adapted well, thought for a moment about what he meant, but then realized that he was talking about a situation that had only been going on for a few days since he had arrived here, and nodded his head, saying, “Ah.”
It would be a lie to say that it wasn’t hard. In fact, as long as he passed the regular work hours of 8 AM to 5 PM, he was free to do whatever he wanted the rest of the time. No one would bother him if he drank, smoked, or stayed in bed. So his schedule was much more relaxed than when he was in the military.

However, the work during regular hours was quite difficult. It felt like he had to compress the work that took twice as long into less than half that amount of time. There were various processes that he had to learn, and the colleagues he was competing with during that process were all top-notch talents from outside, so it wasn’t easy to compete with them.
Carlo, who always has a crooked posture, Tou, who always walks around dizzily, Alta, who is impatient and always smells a little of alcohol, etc. are the best talents… … . If you think about it further, the crazy guy we saw in the video yesterday is also one of the best talents… … .
Jeong Tae-ui thought for a moment, then emptied his head and sighed quietly. How is this world supposed to work?

“Are you tired? I have some dried fruit soaked in honey. Would you like some?”
Jeong Tae-ui suddenly realized the presence of Shin-ru, who was leaning toward him and speaking worriedly, and flinched.
Before he knew it, the young man’s face was right in front of his nose. The fluff on his earlobes was fluffy and white. His cheeks were also round, like a young boy.

For a moment, his heart pounded. As he approached, the air moved and the smell of soap brushed past his nose. Then, suddenly, his chest started to burn. It wasn’t just his chest that was burning.
“Hmm── I’m not that tired, but if you give it to me, I’d like to try it.”
Jeong Tae-ui {N•o•v•e•l•i•g•h•t} tried to smile calmly and said. Shin-ru said, “Yes,” and got up and went back to the separate room.

As soon as Shin-ru disappeared from his sight, Jeong Tae-ui was careful not to make a sound and started beating his chest and thighs like crazy.
What are you doing? Do you want to show yourself ugly when you’ve only known each other for a few days? Come to your senses, Jeong Tae-ui! You’re still a child. Look at those cheeks and the fluff on your earlobes that haven’t lost any baby fat. How could you do that to a child like that!
However, as he thought that, he also heard a whisper in another corner of his heart.

At the age of twenty-two, he’s a full-fledged adult, and there’s no reason to hesitate even if he feels like it. I’m not forcing you to do anything, look, we’re still drinking tea together and getting along well.
Jung Tae-ui clutched his head as he agonized over conflicting thoughts.
Either way, the priority was to cool down his body, which had become heated by the smell of that warm scent. I wonder if it had built up like that all this time. Come to think of it, it had already been over a month since he had properly tasted human skin, but it was still a long way to go for him to let his self-control loose to this extent.

Jung Tae-ui pounded his chest as if his throat was choked. He took a deep breath and pounded his chest several times, and his body cooled down a bit. Then Shin-ru came back behind him.
“What’s wrong, hyung? Are you uncomfortable?”
Shin-ru, who was bringing out dried fruits on a plate, asked strangely when he saw Jung Tae-ui pounding himself. Jung Tae-ui smiled and shook his head. The tips of his fingers that were sweeping his chest had cooled down a lot now.

He looked down at Shin-ru, who was drinking tea, over the cup.
Even though he looked young, he wasn’t immature. The eyes that trailed their tails faintly, the plump and moist lips, the round cheeks and clear skin made him look young, but in fact, if you really had to pick, he was on the seductive side.
Shin-ru raised his head as if he sensed her gaze. When their eyes met, he paused for a moment and smiled. The slightly raised corners of his mouth seemed very sly. Was it because he was looking at him that way?

“Now that I think about it, hyung, you said that Jeong Jae-i, who used to be at headquarters, was your older brother.”
“Huh? Oh, Jae-i hyung? That’s right.”
Jeong Tae-ui nodded, relieved that the topic had been brought up. It seemed that the fact that Jeong Jae-i was Jeong Tae-ui’s older brother had already spread throughout the branch. Well, there couldn’t be any secrets when there were only about a hundred people trapped in one building. It wasn’t a secret, though.

“Everyone says that you’re really smart. You’re like a twin to me.” “Hmm── They’re twins, but they don’t look alike at all. In terms of face, hair, and personality, my brother is better than me.”
Jung Tae-yi slowly counted the nuts while biting them. After thinking about it again, there was nothing he could do to beat Jung Jae-yi. Except for the fact that he was closer to a normal person.
Then, Jung Tae-yi suddenly licked his lips bitterly. It was a well-known fact that nothing could beat Jung Jae-yi. He had taken that obvious fact for granted from the beginning. Now, he had become accustomed to the reactions of people around him related to his brother. After experiencing it for a quarter of a century, there was no way he wouldn’t get used to it.

So it was okay now, but until recently, the people who had difficulty getting used to him were those who approached him with his brother in mind. Those who had shown curiosity about Jung Jae-yi from the beginning were better. The bitterness he felt when he found out that the people who had approached him without thinking had other purposes was incomparable.
Jung Tae-yi thought about the past for a moment and ended up laughing.
People eventually get used to things that are repeated. It’s only the first few times that they get hurt and feel pain. When similar things happen again, resignation covers their hearts like a shield.

Jeong Tae-ui stared blankly at the beautiful red color of the tea with a subtle orchid scent.
Well, what if for some reason this young man shows more interest in Jeong Jae-ui and tries to use Jeong Tae-ui as a means.
Then… … .

Jeong Tae-ui laughed. Then what’s the point? All I can do is watch it flow.
There are things that I can touch and things that I can’t. Other people’s hearts are the latter.
But even if that happens, this boy will still be lovable. Just like everyone else has been.

“Do you want to meet him?”
Jeong Tae-ui asked. Shin-ru, who was enjoying the scent rising from the tea, opened his eyes wide. He looked like he didn’t know what he was talking about. Then, as if he had figured out the context of the story, he said, “Ah,” and tilted his head.
“There’s no reason to not want to meet you…… but you’re someone I don’t know?” 
“Yeah…….” 
Jeong Tae-ui just smiled calmly. 
If you think about it, it wasn’t always that bad. Anyway, even if they approached Jeong Tae-ui because they wanted to get to know Jeong Jae-ui, some of them stayed by Jeong Tae-ui’s side. If it weren’t for Jeong Jae-ui, they wouldn’t have even had a chance to get to know him in the first place, but now they were by his side.
“But I think you’ll be popular.”

“Yeah.”
“Your brother. Even if you don’t look alike, if you’re twins, you’ll probably look alike. If you look like your brother and are smart, I think you’ll be popular.”
“…….”

Jeong Tae-ui blinked for a moment while holding the teacup in his hand. Shin-ru, who spoke casually, drank the tea as if nothing had happened. Jeong Tae-ui tilted his head and looked at him.
What should I say, it seemed like he heard something that could be interpreted as good.
“Um…… Hyung is popular. (To ambitious old men from major construction organizations in each country.) But…… I’m not that popular.”

Jeong Tae-ui trailed off. Shin-ru opened his eyes wide with a surprised expression.
“Oh, that’s probably because you don’t know. I think you’ll be popular too. You’re cool.”
Shin-ru smiled and spoke calmly. Then, he reached out and gently brushed away the hair that had fallen over Jeong-tae’s forehead. His small, pale hand brushed Jeong-tae’s cheek and reached his ear.
“Your facial features are also distinct… I think it would be better if you didn’t cover your face, hyung. Oh, and the nape of your neck. Since your neckline looks nice, I think it would be good if you cut your hair short.”

“Um… really?”
Even as he answered like that, Jeong-tae didn’t know what was in his head when he answered.
He couldn’t move. A warm hand brushed across his forehead and cheek. The fingers that briefly touched his nape tickled him terribly. He couldn’t breathe.

“Uh…, hyung, you seem to be hurt. There’s a bruise here. Wait a minute, I have ointment so I can apply it.”
Shin-ru’s hand stopped halfway between his shoulder and neck. He hadn’t realized it until now, but it stung when he lightly pressed on it to see if it was indeed bruised as he said. He must have gotten hit during the sparring.
Shin-ru opened the drawer of the desk within arm’s reach and took out some ointment from it. He squeezed some ointment into his palm and stroked Jeong-tae’s nape again.

“Uh, no, it’s okay, it doesn’t hurt that much──.”
Jeong-tae, who was about to block Shin-ru in embarrassment, ended up shutting his mouth. His voice was faintly hoarse. He became even more embarrassed when he heard his own voice.
Shin-ru fortunately didn’t seem to notice and began rubbing the ointment on Jeong-tae’s nape.

His round fingers stroked his neck. It felt good and comfortable, as if he was massaging it.
However, Jeong-tae ended up being embarrassed. Shin-ru’s breath reached his ear. The regular sound of his breathing met his warm breath and warmed his face.
“Shin-ru, it’s enough now, that’s enough─…”

He felt a prickle inside his body. Jeong Tae-ui eventually grabbed Shin-ru’s wrist and pulled it away. He could tell that his face was incredibly ripe. But what was even more unfortunate was that his groin had a reaction.
The thin and loose fabric of his indoor clothes could not hide the faint bulge of flesh.
Shin-ru, who had been staring at Jeong Tae-ui, who suddenly pushed him away, seemed to have realized where Jeong Tae-ui’s gaze was directed as he lowered his head. He could feel Shin-ru shrinking as he followed his gaze in his hand.

His bewildered gaze lingered on Jeong Tae-ui’s face, not knowing what to do. Shin-ru’s muttering voice lingered anxiously in his mouth.
Jeong Tae-ui clicked his tongue even as his head heated up. He was getting angry at his own foolishness.
What the hell am I doing? You’re not some hot-blooded, brown-haired boy.

I wish someone would come in here and hit me hard in the face.
“Hyung……, over there…….”
“Mi, ……no.”

Jung Tae-ui only then realized his wrist was twitching in his hand and quickly let go. Their eyes met. Young eyes blinked over Jung Tae-ui’s face. His face turned red again when he saw those eyes.
With a thud, he suddenly got up from his seat and the chair hit the beat. Jung Tae-ui frantically flailed his empty hands, not knowing what to do, before muttering “I’m sorry” once more and turning around. He felt like he should make some more excuses or apologize to Shin-ru, but he couldn’t look at his face right now.
Jung Tae-ui hurriedly ran out of the office and walked into the dark hallway.

It seemed like it wouldn’t be easy to feel this kind of defeat in life.
His strides were brisk, rough, and long, almost like running.
He brushed past one or two people as he passed by the elevator and went down the stairs, but none of them tried to grab Jeong Tae-ui, who was passing by with a red, frozen face.
Jeong Tae-ui walked blindly, his hair a mess, without even knowing what he was thinking. As he walked, his uncle’s room was right in front of him. His steps must have found a familiar path while he was absentminded.

He yanked the doorknob, but the door was locked. His uncle seemed to be gone. It was actually a good thing.
Jeong Tae-ui took out the key he always carried and went into his uncle’s room. As always, the room was neatly organized, without a speck of dust.
He threw off his outerwear carelessly, opened the refrigerator, took out a beer, and drank it. He drank it all in a few sips, but it wasn’t enough. He took out another one and drank it. This time, I drank it all in one gulp. So I took out another one and drank half of it. Only then did my stomach start to cool down a bit.

Suddenly, I noticed a large mirror next to the desk. I met my eyes with the one looking at me in it. My face was bright red. Red from my earlobes to the nape of my neck. Seeing that made Jeong Tae-ui even more embarrassed, so he grabbed the cold can and rubbed his cheek with his cold hand. He wanted his cheek to cool down, but his hand got warm before that.
Jeong Tae-ui stood there blankly holding the can, and then he collapsed in front of the refrigerator.
His crotch had already been cold for a long time. He was as if he had never stood up. But his face and chest were still hot and not cooling down.

“Damn it… If you’re going to wither like this, why don’t you just stand up? Why are you making people uncomfortable?”
Jeong Tae-ui muttered a complaint to his own groin. But it wasn’t there that had to understand the words, it was the head.
Jung Tae-ui, who had been sitting on the floor in front of the refrigerator, blankly staring at his feet, suddenly lifted his hand and brought it to the nape of his neck. He felt the place where his round fingertips had touched a moment ago.

The slippery ointment still remained, not soaked in. He rubbed it slipperily over there.
It was just the hand that applied ointment normally. There was no way he would get horny even if he rubbed that place a hundred times with his own hand. But just because the owner of that hand was that young man.
“I guess I really got hung up on him… What should I do?”

He muttered out loud on purpose, but there was no answer. He thought that if he said it out loud, his mind would be able to organize itself a little, but he didn’t feel that way.
Jung Tae-ui wiped his still bright red face with the back of his hand for no reason.
He needed something to cool his head. At this rate, it seemed like this hot heat would never subside, even after a lifetime. Should I take a cold shower? My head, but my body, too, needed to cool down.

Jung Tae-ui emptied the remaining half of his beer and got up from his seat.
Did I drink beer for nothing? It just seemed to make my face hotter.
Jung Tae-ui headed to the bathroom, berating himself for his foolishness. It would be better to just fill the bathtub with cold water and completely submerge himself in it.

He turned on the cold water in the bathtub he had cleaned and stared blankly at the strong current, and it seemed like he heard a faint mechanical sound mixed with the sound of the water.
When he half-leaved out of the bathroom and looked around the room, the phone on the desk was ringing, as if Jung Tae-ui had heard it correctly. The sound of the phone quietly filling the room was now familiar.
Jung Tae-ui closed the bathroom door and walked over to the desk. As he approached, he saw his own reflection in the mirror, and it was quite a sight. He looked so red and flustered that he couldn’t even hide his embarrassment, just like a young boy in puberty.

“You need to get your mind right, Jeong Tae-ui. It’s only been a while since you got out of the military, but you’re already so relaxed. This isn’t a nice place, so you’re just walking around with your mind blank.”
Jeong Tae-ui muttered to himself and lightly tapped his cheek a couple of times. He looked at the number displayed on the phone’s LCD, thought for a moment, and pressed the blinking lamp.
“Yes, hello.”

‘──For some reason, it seems like you answer every time I call these days.’
He thought it was a familiar number, but what appeared on the monitor without fail was an elegant and beautiful hand.
Suddenly, it overlapped with Shin-ru’s hand. Shin-ru’s hand was smaller and more adorable. The slightly chubby knuckles were cute. It’s different from those delicate hands that seem to have been elaborately molded and polished with wax and glass.

What would those hands feel like? They would definitely be different from Shin-ru’s warm and ticklish touch.
Jeong Tae-ui smiled bitterly at himself, who was reminded of Shin-ru even in such a place.
“Well, I’m the one who’s curious. How often do you call your uncle that he calls you every time I’m there?”

‘To be exact, you’re there every time I call, Tae-i. But you’ve been calling me every time lately. Until recently, you hadn’t called me once in a year.’
“Why? Did your uncle keep nagging you to get Laurent Gastille’s book?”
Jeong Tae-ui pulled up a chair and sat down, laughing weakly. But when he thought about it, this man wasn’t a book dealer. No, maybe he was doing a side job.

‘Haha, I should have already sent that. ‘I sent it by ship, but it will probably arrive before the end of this month.’
Illei smiled. Even though it was a machine voice, the cheerful voice felt refreshing. My heated head felt a little cooler. The coolness that came from the heat felt good.
I hesitated whether to answer the phone or not, but it seems I did well to answer. This man felt cool.

Jeong Tae-ui smiled faintly, brushing back his flowing hair. That’s good. When the book arrives, I should hurry up and look at it first, he muttered languidly.
A moment of silence flowed on the other end of the phone. The fingers tapping the desk here and there seemed to be exploring this way.
‘Tae-i. What happened?’

A quiet voice asked subtly. The voice with an interesting tone was burning.
It was supposed to be fun, but surprisingly, it didn’t feel that bad. Rather, in a state of exhaustion, he felt like rambling.
“Do you think there are a lot of votes?”

‘Your complexion is too ripe to say you don’t have votes.’
“…….”
Jung Tae-ui roughly rubbed his face with the back of his hand. It was enough to cool down, but now the alcohol was starting to kick in.

‘Your face is complicated. What’s so troubling about being stuck on an island in that simple world?’
“……Illei. You are…….”
Jung Tae-ui trailed off for a moment. He hesitated because he felt like an old man who grabs a random stranger and gets drunk, but he had already said the words.

“Has there ever been a time when something sexually immoral happened?”
Jung Tae-ui said seriously. A brief silence passed over the phone, and the man answered in a slightly dull voice as if it was an unexpected topic.
‘I don’t know what you mean by sexually immoral. What exactly are you talking about? If it’s an immoral relationship, what would it be? Are you talking about sex with family members? Or with someone who has a spouse? Or maybe rape, rape, or other taboo acts… … If you look at it from a conservative perspective, it could also be a relationship with a person of the same sex. Well, there are so many that I don’t know which one you’re referring to. Pick one.’

“……. Well…… If you insist on picking one, I can pick one… It’s not that immoral.”
Jeong Tae-ui muttered, slightly fed up with the inhumane words pouring out without hesitation. Hearing those words made his heart feel a little lighter. He himself had never thought of anything that went beyond taboo. Although one of them was an exception.
‘Immortal.’

Illei seemed to be smiling. But he didn’t say anything more about that and continued.
‘I mean, my desires and emotions are separate. There must have been quite a few times when I was sexually immoral, in the exact sense you meant. Right, I’m curious about what the sexually immoral thing that happened to you today was.’
“…….”

‘Why? Did some guy come and attack me?’
“……, …….”
This man’s thoughts are a bit extreme. Not only are they extreme, but they go in a strange direction that you wouldn’t have thought of.

Jeong Tae-ui let out a long sigh and laughed heartlessly.
“Some guy with a blind eye came to me and thought of doing something like that. No, it wasn’t something that grand……. What, it’s funny to say that. I just got excited like a child because someone I had in mind touched me a little, and I just stood in front of him. I just stood…….”
Jung Tae-ui hesitated for a moment, not knowing what to say next. Silence returned from the other side as well. The fingers that had stopped were slowly touching the desk one by one, showing that he didn’t quite understand.

He muttered, “Why is that…?” and then suddenly muttered, “Aha,” as if he understood.
‘So you molested that guy? You must regret it.’
This time, too, Illei was going in a strange direction.

Jung Tae-ui looked at the monitor with a bewildered face and sighed.
“No, that’s not it. I’m not saying that I stood up on the bed or in a secret atmosphere. I’m saying that I stood up in front of someone who doesn’t have feelings for me while we were drinking tea and talking normally.”
‘Hmm… …?’

His fingers tapped the desk, tap, tap. Now, he could tell just by looking at the shape or movement of his hand. As expected, that meant that he didn’t quite understand.
‘I don’t really know. I can guess how your thoughts are going in your head… … . That kind of shame is a feeling that I have never experienced, so it is hard for me to understand, but it is not helpful in life at all. If it were me, I would have suggested that you have a go at it. Rather than groaning with your face flushed with desire.’
Jeong Tae-ui frowned. He rubbed his palm to see if his face was still that familiar. I guess I drank too much alcohol.

“Let’s have a go at it, huh… What about the other person’s feelings?”
Illei did not answer. Rather than saying that he didn’t know or was thinking about it, he seemed to be holding back on answering. Well… … , hearing him answer with a tone that was subtly humorous, Jeong Tae-ui realized that this man had his own answer but was deliberately not saying it. And Jeong Tae-ui thought the same way, so he didn’t bother to ask.
‘If it were me, I would just sleep with the person I felt desire for. Emotions are temporary ficklenesses, so I don’t think they’re worth worrying about. Or, should I say that I don’t think that momentary desires are inferior to permanent emotions—if there are such things—?”

“Are you a hedonist?”
‘For now.’
He smiled and agreed. Jeong Tae-ui nodded. Although he couldn’t completely agree with the man’s thinking, he could understand what he was trying to say. Jeong Tae-ui didn’t neglect pleasure either. However, his thinking was still very different from this man’s in some way.

Jeong Tae-ui snickered and stroked the back of his neck.
Regardless of their differences of opinion, this kind of conversation that flows without getting in the way isn’t bad. Talking to this man was enjoyable in that sense.
Suddenly, Illei burst into laughter, wondering what was so enjoyable about it. The low laughter continued for a short time. ‘Every time I talk to you, I think about this, but you are really different from Jung Jae-yi in many ways.’

“Well, you’re different people. Have you been looking for a brother in me while talking to me?”
‘No, but I always thought of you as Jung Jae-yi’s younger brother.’
Jung Tae-yi sighed and laughed.

Is this man also interested in the genius Jung Jae-yi and approached him? No, but it doesn’t seem intentional, so it’s hard to say he approached him. It would be more correct to say that he was more interested in Jung Tae-yi because he was Jung Jae-yi’s younger brother.
He’s past the age where he should be upset about that, and since such situations have become a part of his life, it’s not a big deal anymore.
“You’re interested in your brother.”

When Jung Tae-yi subtly teased him, the man laughed it off as if nothing happened.
‘Is there anyone who isn’t interested in the genius Jung Jae-yi? At least not around me.’
“Haha, okay. How about comparing the differences?”

‘Hmm? Comparison… … . I’ve never consciously compared, but yeah, let me think about it. … … It comes out right away without having to think too much.’
“Aha, how is it.”
‘Jung Jae-yi is more human. In many ways.’

Jung Tae-yi kept his mouth shut. Most of what the man said was like that, but this one was also quite unexpected. It was something I’d never heard before—at least not out loud—and something I’d never thought of.
In many ways, Jung Jae-yi was more human.