Passion (BL Novel)

Jung Tae-yi stopped flapping the book he was holding and muttered in dismay. "If it’s not available for loan, where am I supposed to find a copy to transcribe? Who keeps these useless books stocked?"
However, no matter how many times he scanned the barcode with the automatic checkout system, as the message indicated, the book couldn't be checked out. He considered just taking it and leaving, but then he realized that the recognition system by the door would trigger an alarm across the entire floor if he did.
"Ah. Books related to machinery aren’t available for external loans. Those are internal materials. You can read them in the library, or you’ll need to get permission from a guard to borrow them."

The man waiting behind Jung Tae-yi, seeing that he was hesitating for quite a while, peeked over his shoulder and kindly informed him about the book. "Oh, thanks," Jung Tae-yi said, stepping aside, still holding the book in his hand, standing in a daze.
Internal materials require the permission of a guard to check out. His uncle wouldn’t have asked him to copy something like that without knowing. The point was to spend as much time as possible in the library, copying books whenever there was an opportunity.
"..."

With a sigh, Jung Tae-yi fanned himself with the book and turned around. If that was the case, he might as well take an empty notebook and copy it here. Now that he thought about it, staying here and copying it would likely keep him from getting mixed up with others and might actually reduce the chances of getting into trouble.
Jung Tae-yi grabbed a pen and sat down at a desk in a corner of the library, opening the book. He wanted to ask someone to help him, but his uncle had made it clear that if the handwriting was different, he'd have to redo it ten times.
Well then, he’d copy it and then copy it again as needed… but after a moment’s thought, he shook his head. Forget it. Trying to cheat would probably get him caught, and he certainly didn’t want to cross his uncle.

Rolling up his sleeves, Jung Tae-yi began copying the book. For a moment, he thought it felt like he was being punished like an elementary school student, but this was actually fairly mild compared to what he could be doing. He recalled his uncle’s strict instructions: “Copy the section about no personal weapons in clean, neat handwriting.” He told himself that this was his own foolishness that had gotten him into this mess.
Two hours into copying, Jung Tae-yi muttered under his breath, "I should've just left some stranger to die. I should’ve just left some stranger to die..."
He'd acted like some kind of righteous crusader, taking a gun from a stranger’s hideout — even though there were no bullets, so he could’ve easily gotten himself killed — all to save some random person's life. Even after facing two weeks of life-threatening situations, he still thought he was crazy. He'd lost his mind after his time in the military.

Grinding his teeth, Jung Tae-yi moved his hands. His wrists and arms ached. He thought about going to the infirmary for some ointment, but considering the sparring match earlier in the afternoon, he wondered if there would even be any left for him.
But upon reflection, Jung Tae-yi and his team were fortunate.
Before heading to the library after finishing his tasks, he had gone to the infirmary to get ointment for the bruise on his side, which he'd received from a particularly hard blow to the ribs. While waiting for the ointment, he casually looked around the infirmary and found several bodies lying in beds.

"Ugh, what’s this...?"
One bed, right next to his, had what could hardly be called a human form. The limbs were bandaged, and the body was covered with bandages, but the skin that could be seen was crusted with dried blood. The face was so mangled and broken that it was hard to look at. He even briefly wondered if the person was still alive, checking for a pulse.
"Here’s the ointment. Ah, don’t touch it, don’t touch it. That guy is the most unlucky one of anyone who’s been here."

As the guard, Gyo-ho, handed him the ointment, he noticed Jung Tae-yi examining the patient, and waved his hand. Jung Tae-yi nodded, accepting the ointment.
"Mm. Looks like he’s badly injured... How did he end up like this? Who fought with him? The one lying over there?"
Jung Tae-yi pointed at ❀ Nоvеlігht ❀ (Don’t copy, read here) the next corpse, which looked almost as bad as the first. But Gyo-ho shook his head.
"That guy’s not here. He's fine, no injuries. He's probably somewhere else, having fun by now."

"What? How can he be fine when his opponent is in this state—"
Jung Tae-yi was incredulous, but then suddenly stopped talking. Someone’s image had flashed into his mind. Gyo-ho, likely guessing who he meant, nodded silently.
"Yeah, that guy."

Suddenly, the sight of the battered patient didn’t seem so ordinary anymore. If things had been just slightly different, it could’ve been Jung Tae-yi lying there, broken and dying.
He stared down at the man with a horrified expression, then opened the ointment he’d received from Gyo-ho. The familiar scent hit him immediately, causing him to frown and look around.
"What is this... Tiger ointment?!"

"Hm. Haven’t you seen it before? You can buy it anywhere. It’s pretty useful. When you go to Hong Kong after training, buy some. Lots of the team members stock it in their rooms. There are so many injuries, after all."
Jung Tae-yi had only ever used it a few times when his grandmother applied it to him when he was a child. He recognized the scent immediately, and for a moment, he stared at the ointment in distaste. He had expected something a bit more professional for the infirmary.
Seeing his reaction, Gyo-ho, with a serious face, spoke up.

"Hey, don’t laugh it off. Look at the instructions. It’s good for muscle pain, sprains, even bug bites, and headaches. It can be used for a wide range of issues."
"What? Headaches with ointment...? Are you telling me to put it on my head? Or eat it?!"
"Anyway, it says so on the instructions. Look."

Jung Tae-yi reluctantly read the instructions in English, and sure enough, it listed headaches as one of the uses.
"Ugh... Now I feel like I might get a headache just reading this."
While muttering to himself, Jung Tae-yi wondered where he should apply the ointment on his head. Meanwhile, the injured soldiers kept piling into the infirmary, and Gyo-ho hurriedly applied some ointment to Jung Tae-yi's side before shooing him out, warning him not to return unless it was a serious injury.

Kicked out of the infirmary, Jung Tae-yi came to the library, reassured that no one had been hurt more severely than the patient in the bed beside him.
Even while copying the book, the smell of tiger ointment was subtly leaking out from his side, hidden beneath his clothes. In fact, at this point, as he moved his pen, it felt as though he needed to apply the ointment all over his entire arm, but the thought of how strong the smell would get made him sigh.
"Before my uncle comes, I should've just run away with the older brother. I should've just pulled out before my uncle got here..."

The words spilling from his mouth had changed. In this situation, there were so many things to regret that it was only natural for the deepest regret to rise to the surface.
The other regrets that had stemmed from that core regret were many, but the one that stood out most at the moment was the regret that had surfaced after seeing the corpse earlier.
He should never have crossed paths with that madman. He should have stayed out of sight and hidden.

At this point, the best course of action was to stay out of sight as much as possible, and if they had to cross paths during mandatory joint training, it was best to stay hidden among the others.
Jung Tae-yi sighed and moved the one book he had finally copied to the side, stretching his arms.
The library was empty. Normally, it was a quiet place, but today, because it was the first day of the joint training, everyone was too busy to read, and the library was nearly deserted. There were just a few people who came in, grabbed the books they needed, and left right away.

Rubbing his stiff shoulders, Jung Tae-yi tilted his head from side to side. He had only managed to copy one book yesterday, so how long would it take to finish the other nine? Sighing again, he spread out a new notebook and started writing the first line.
"Regulations of the International Human Resources Training Organization, Article 1: Organizational Structure..."
"You're working hard. Looking at the rest of the notebooks, it seems like you’ll have to write nine more, huh?"

That was when the slow, whispering voice came from behind him.
Click, the pen slipped. As Jung Tae-yi glared at the crooked line drawn over the perfectly neat text, he cursed under his breath. Damn it.
He was facing the wrong way. This was critical. If he made any move now, the knife would be in his neck before he knew it. The fact that he hadn’t realized the man was so close was a huge mistake.

Jung Tae-yi tensed up, but then slowly relaxed his shoulders. There was no avoiding this now. As soon as he moved, the knife would likely find its mark.
Fine, if you want to kill me, then kill me...
Jung Tae-yi continued writing, saying nothing, moving his pen mechanically.

"There's probably nothing interesting to read here."
Now that he thought about it, this man might not even imagine what had been whispered about him, but he did have a particular obsession with books. Jung Tae-yi wondered if any of the books in the library would catch his interest.
"Yeah, the books in your room probably have more interesting stuff."

However, as he spoke, the man seemed to have found something interesting, and sitting a few aisles away from Jung Tae-yi, he held a book in his hand.
Jung Tae-yi, surprisingly, gave him a curious look. He hadn’t expected the man to back off so easily. He had imagined their next encounter would escalate into a bigger mess.
The man, Ligrow, looked no different from how he had that morning or even the night before. The only difference was his outfit. He moved calmly, with a composed and relaxed demeanor. His face remained as clean and unscathed as ever, and there was no trace of fatigue on him.

Without seeming to pay Jung Tae-yi any mind, Ligrow sat down, opened the book, and turned the pages, his gaze locked steadily on the book through his glasses.
Could it be that he forgot... the gun I pointed at him this morning?
Jung Tae-yi narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously. Ligrow, flipping through the pages, must have felt his gaze, because he lifted his head. Their eyes met. Jung Tae-yi, unable to look away, kept staring, and after a brief pause, Ligrow closed the book.

"What's up? Do you need help?"
With that, he seemed to offer help, gesturing for the remaining notebook and pen.
"I guess that's the punishment for the weapon possession violation. Seems light. It looks like Instructor Jung gave you a lot of leeway, being your uncle and all."

The casual, emotionless words made Jung Tae-yi furrow his brow.
"You want to say that I'm getting special treatment? If that's the case, then I want to ask you something. If it's true that I'm getting leeway because I'm the instructor's nephew, then who are you and what’s your relationship with this place? How are you walking around without any punishment after smashing someone like that?"
Then he smiled and shook his head.

"There's no need to get all worked up. I just thought that Instructor Jung must really care for his nephew. Even if you didn’t get punished, I don’t mind. I’m just stating what’s obvious, so don't get angry."
"...Has the rumor about me and my uncle spread all the way to the European branch?"
"The story of the rare brave soul who pointed a gun at my neck reached my ears almost as soon as the clock hands made a full circle. The noble lion, Jung Tae-yi, who was dragged into the Asian branch barely a month ago."

So he didn’t forget after all. But how strange, why is this madman being so calm?
Jung Tae-yi tilted his head, silently glaring at him. Ligrow, raising an eyebrow, responded with a smirk.
"What’s with that face? Shouldn’t it be me you’re glaring at?"

"..."
"Or did you think I was about to bite your neck the moment I saw you?"
"Yeah."

Jung Tae-yi answered with a frown, clearly displeased. Ligrow chuckled.
"It might have been, but right now, I’m not in the mood for it. Just wait a little longer."
With that, he opened his book again. Not wanting to be disturbed, he returned his attention to the pages, not lifting his gaze again.

Jung Tae-yi stared at him for a moment before looking away and picking up his pen again. As he moved the pen mechanically, the words Ligrow had said replayed in his mind. Of all the words, the last one stayed with him the longest.
"I'm not in the mood for it right now. Just wait a little longer."
And the interpretation of those words came to him almost instantly. For now, he wasn’t in the mood, but if he ever felt like it, he would definitely sink his teeth into that neck. It could happen in a minute or maybe after the joint training.

It would be better to take action now. What else could he do, after being told to keep his nerves sharpened for two weeks?
Suddenly, a surge of frustration filled him, and his grip on the pen tightened. Screech, the notebook tore, creating a hole in the paper.
Out of nowhere, the annoying image of Kim, the lieutenant, popped into his mind. That guy was like this too. When the news about the knife fight at the gay bar reached the school, Kim had been the first to hear about it. At that time, he had smirked sarcastically as he looked at Jung Tae-yi. And then, as if he wanted to make sure Jung Tae-yi heard, he mumbled, "Not like there’s anything to worry about, huh?"

The irritating guy, are they all like this? No, but Kim So-wee was just unlucky, not as dangerous as that man. When I think about it, Kim So-wee is actually better, even though it’s a bit of a half-hearted comparison.
Frustration rising, Jung Tae-yi’s speed increased, and before he knew it, he had finished copying the second book. He pulled a new notebook toward him and began writing the first line again:
"Regulations of the International Human Resources Training Organization, Article 1: Organizational Structure..."

The advantage and disadvantage of such simple tasks was that, while his hands kept moving, his mind didn’t wander. Perhaps because he was facing the threat of death, all that filled his thoughts were the coming two weeks of darkness.
"Nothing’s changed. I’ll just keep hiding as best as I can, stay out of sight. When I absolutely have to, I’ll stick close to my teammates, and somehow, I’ll survive..."
Even if it meant being called cowardly or dishonorable, Jung Tae-yi was prepared to stick closely to the instructors for the next two weeks, as long as it ensured his safety. Surely, he wouldn’t commit murder in front of the instructors.

Muttering to himself, Jung Tae-yi stopped the pen for a moment and raised his head, sensing a gaze upon him.
He couldn’t have possibly heard the muttering under his breath, but somehow, Ligrow was watching him with an amused expression. When their eyes met, Ligrow smiled, as if daring him to say something.
"...What happens if you kill someone in front of an instructor?"

Jung Tae-yi paused his pen, making eye contact with Ligrow and asking the question. It was obvious that Ligrow could see through him, but there was no time to be subtle now. Ligrow let out a laugh, then pointed to the lower part of Jung Tae-yi’s hand.
"Didn’t you see it while copying? It’s all detailed in the punishment section."
"I saw the punishment for killing someone, but there wasn’t anything specific about doing it in front of the instructor."

Jung Tae-yi muttered with a frown. Even for the punishment of killing someone, the description was vague and unclear. The explanation stretched across three pages, summarizing as simply as this: "Punishments vary based on the situation."
Ligrow paused for a moment, tilted his head, and then replied with an uncertain expression.
"I’ve never killed anyone in front of an instructor, so I wouldn’t know. But when I killed the instructor, I was put in solitary confinement for eight months."

Scratch – the pen slipped again. Jung Tae-yi glared at the line he had drawn over his neatly written words and kept his mouth shut.
Damn. If this guy can kill an instructor, it’s nothing for him to drag someone out and finish them off, even if they’re hiding among his teammates. The shallow calculations in his mind instantly shattered.
"By the way, it was in self-defense. Just like this morning."

Ligrow added, but the last few words were better left unsaid.
Jung Tae-yi spun the pen on his finger and tasted the bitterness in his mouth. He briefly wondered if he had misunderstood the meaning of self-defense, but after thinking about it, it seemed the one who had misunderstood was the man in front of him.
"To add, the dictionary definition of self-defense is an act of aggression taken by a person to stop an imminent and unjust violation, either against oneself or others."

This man wasn’t mistaken. Referring to his actions as “unavoidable” made Jung Tae-yi think just how shameless this guy was. The words that were at the tip of his tongue almost came out, but he swallowed them.
"Speaking of this morning, don’t you think your act of aggression against the intruder went a little too far?"
Unable to hold back, Jung Tae-yi blurted out. But Ligrow shook his head.

"You heard me. I told him to shoot. He would’ve kept trying to kill me from behind if I hadn’t done something. Given the future threat, I didn’t have a choice. Besides, he’s still alive. Though, by now, he’s probably in solitary confinement."
"Yeah, so you killed the instructor too?"
Jung Tae-yi asked, and Ligrow chuckled softly. After a brief, somewhat awkward silence, he responded briefly.

"Well, something like that. Honestly, I almost died. If I hadn’t been pushed to that point, I wouldn’t have killed the instructor. I regret it a lot, even after doing it."
Looking at him with pity, Jung Tae-yi wanted to say, "You’re drying up my throat," but he swallowed the words again.
In the end, though, Jung Tae-yi understood that for this man, even an instructor—or maybe a deputy or chief—could be killed without a second thought if there was a reason or excuse. That meant, no matter how much he tried to hide behind others, escaping this man’s eyes would be impossible.

The conclusion seemed to be that the best option was just to keep hiding as much as possible. Whether that was even possible was uncertain, though.
"Why are you acting like this? Did bad luck attach itself to you?"
Jung Tae-yi muttered, throwing his pen onto the notebook. He had never been particularly lucky, but ever since he’d come here, it had gotten worse. What’s going on?

"Jung Tae-yi is considered one of the luckiest people, but not you?"
Ligrow suddenly asked, and Jung Tae-yi only glanced at him. He was about to complain about how fast the news spread, but then realized it was something everyone in this branch already knew.
"Just because we’re brothers doesn’t mean we share the same luck. I’m just ordinary. Maybe even less than ordinary right now."

"Ah..."
Ligrow said only that, giving a subtle smile, but didn’t say anything further.
Jung Tae-yi thought about his older brother, whom he hadn’t seen in a while. If it had been his brother in this situation—though he probably wouldn’t have ended up in this mess—he would have either suddenly been forced to leave the island or gotten bitten by a dozen hidden snakes and died from it.

Jung Tae-yi, with a serious expression, muttered as he pointed at Ligrow.
"You should consider yourself lucky I’m not my older brother. Otherwise, by now, your fate would’ve been much worse."
Ligrow burst into laughter. Did he understand? Jung Tae-yi wasn’t sure, but it seemed like he had understood perfectly.

"Yeah, thanks for that. In that sense, I won’t do anything to you today. So don’t stand there looking all tense, relax."
"I’d appreciate it if you could keep it that way for the next two weeks."
"Well... I’m not that great at controlling my emotions, so I can’t make any promises."

It sounded like he was planning to make his move before the two weeks were up. Looking at his cold, steady eyes, Jung Tae-yi realized it wasn’t just his imagination.
Jung Tae-yi bitterly picked up his pen again. At this point, the most passive form of resistance he could do was to avoid spending more time facing this man.
Suddenly, he stopped. Turning to Ligrow, who had returned his focus to the book, he subtly asked, "You said you’d help me earlier, right?"

Ligrow raised an eyebrow. Looking at the notebooks and pen Jung Tae-yi had accumulated, he gave a slight shrug, as though surprised Jung Tae-yi had brought it up.
"I’ll help. Copying isn’t difficult... But, you know, Instructor Jung will spot a different handwriting immediately."
It seemed that Ligrow knew he was offering help despite already knowing this. It wasn’t an empty promise after all.

Jung Tae-yi smiled lightly and offered the blank notebook and pen.
"It’s fine, really. I just need to fill in the number of books. I don’t expect much, just write one book for me."
"Hmm... Fine."

Ligrow accepted the writing materials without hesitation. Soon, the sound of the pen scratching the paper filled the air.
Jung Tae-yi recalled his uncle’s words: “If you’re going to have someone help you copy, you’ll still have to write ten books yourself.” He pushed aside thoughts about the growing pile of work ahead of him. After all, there were times when it felt necessary to make someone else suffer, especially in certain situations.
You’ll know what it’s like. And let’s try to avoid crossing paths as much as possible.

It wasn’t until now that Jung Tae-yi truly understood why his teammates had been so anxious about stockpiling strength and stamina for the upcoming joint training. The fatigue from just one day of training, compared to their usual drills, was tenfold.
When training with teammates from the same branch, at least you knew they weren’t actively trying to kill you. But now, even the smallest sparring match required utmost vigilance, knowing some opponents were actively plotting to break bones or worse.
Even during breaks, he couldn’t let his guard down. Sharing spaces meant he had to stay alert in case someone threw a stone or even shot an air gun at him.

The only time he could relax was after the day’s duties, when he’d lock himself in his room. Even then, he couldn’t shake off the feeling of unease.
"Ugh..." Jung Tae-yi muttered, then suddenly jumped up. Mo-re, still engrossed in his puzzle magazine, shot him a strange look.
"I’ll go see Shin-ryu for a bit."

Jung Tae-yi slipped the pager into his pocket and headed for the door. It would be easier to tell Shin-ryu in person, rather than over the phone.
"Shin-ryu? He probably won’t be in the office by now, it’s past hours."
"Then I’ll just go to his room. What’s the problem?"

"The basement floor is off-limits to members during joint training. You’re not allowed to meet the guards personally. Gyo-ho’s room is down there too."
Mo-re muttered in disbelief, and that hit Jung Tae-yi like a slap to the back of the head. He froze, then turned to look at Mo-re, who frowned as if asking, “Didn’t you know?”