Passion (BL Novel)

Although the duties are different, we're still the same class, so we run into each other every day. Just like how members of a team get along, the classes are interconnected. The duty officer in front of Joo Hyuk spends almost the whole day in the duty room, but since there's an officer meeting in the evening, he sees Shinru at least once a day.
The officer hesitated to leave and looked at Joo Hyuk with a complicated expression. Joo Hyuk, startled, met his gaze, as if asking why he was looking at him like that.
"You met Shinru last night too, right? I saw him at the meeting yesterday evening, but I haven't seen him today. You've met him more recently than I have. I might as well ask you—how's Shinru doing?"

"......"
Joo Hyuk wanted to ask, How did you know I met Shinru last night? but then realized the officer's room was next to Shinru's. He might have heard sounds from the hallway. Thinking about last night's conversation... he suddenly felt his face heat up. The rooms were soundproof, so it was unlikely he heard much. At most, he might have been able to distinguish a voice or two.
"I was about to head back to my room after my bath, but you were just standing there in the hallway, so I couldn't leave. Anyway, hang in there, Joo Hyuk. I know you want to leave here as soon as possible. Fighting."

The officer encouraged Joo Hyuk with a neutral expression before turning to leave. Joo Hyuk, gripping the bars tightly, stood frozen, watching the officer leave with a sidelong glance.
Damn. He heard everything. And still, he didn't act like he knew anything... Looks like that guy's a snake hiding in his stomach, a hundred-year-old one. But I keep forgetting, this place is still a well-established training facility. That guy must be quite valuable outside of here.
Joo Hyuk's perception of the so-called "elite" minority in society had changed since coming here. He had once held a faint admiration and expectation, thinking that these elite people would be extraordinary in some way. But as their human flaws became more and more apparent, that admiration and expectation quickly vanished.

Sighing, Joo Hyuk turned around. Then, his eyes met with Ilay, who was sitting in front of the still-lit bathroom, quietly staring in his direction.
"Shinru, huh. Looks like things are going well with that cute young guy."
Joo Hyuk frowned and remained silent. Instinctive wariness arose again. Even though they were both inside, there was no need to immediately be on guard, but when Ilay brought up Shinru, Joo Hyuk couldn’t help but feel a slight prickling sense of tension.

"I've decided not to meddle in your business, so you should stay out of mine. That's only fair."
"It's hard to talk about fairness when I'm at a disadvantage. If I leave here, the joint training will be over, and I'll be heading straight back to the European branch."
I see.

Joo Hyuk relaxed his expression a bit. He had known this but had forgotten. Ilay was right. There was no way Joo Hyuk, who was supposed to stay here for ten days, would be released before him. If such a situation did happen, Joo Hyuk had no doubt he would have enough mind to protest, even if it meant meeting with the deputy director and all the instructors.
Joo Hyuk nodded and muttered to himself.
"Right. Once I leave here, there's no reason to stay any longer. With that beast-like recovery rate, the wound will heal quickly, and I won’t need to stay here for recovery."

Hearing that, Ilay gave a wry smile.
"That's harsh. You treat people like they're wild beasts."
"I don’t remember treating you like a cute wild beast."
In response to Ilay's complaint, Joo Hyuk replied firmly. He thought that if this man were locked in a cage like a wild beast, he would surely survive. And when he got hungry, he might even catch that wild beast with his bare hands and make raw meat out of it.

Ilay chuckled and tilted his head, but he didn't say anything more. He tapped the bandages wrapped tightly around his shoulder a couple of times as if checking their condition before stretching and getting up. Then he walked to the mattress, which seemed to serve as his bed, and leaned on it, picking up the book that had been on the table.
Even though the light from the bathroom made it easy to distinguish the surroundings, the room was still quite dark, making it hard to read a book. Joo Hyuk tilted his head, finding it difficult to read the title of the book Ilay was holding.
"You’ll ruin your eyes reading like that."

This man, being human, must eventually suffer from deteriorating eyesight. Although eyesight stabilizes once you become an adult, reading with a squint in such darkness couldn't be good for the eyes.
Ilay, with an indifferent expression, felt along the corner of the wall near the mattress. Then, a small light, almost invisible, turned on on the wall near the head of the mattress. It was a small, bright light, just enough for reading, like a desk lamp.
Joo Hyuk stared at it with a blank face and then asked.

"Here... is there any other lighting equipment or facilities for daily living that I don't know about?"
"That’s all for lighting. As for other necessary facilities... well, there’s the air conditioning and heating system, but it’s centrally controlled, so it’s not very useful. But who knows? I didn’t design this place, and the person who did might have hidden some extra equipment somewhere."
Hearing that, Joo Hyuk once again mentally called out to the old man. Truly an eccentric one. Maybe he didn’t want a promotion, but because he was so eccentric, they didn’t give him one.

UNHRDO, the water here might seriously be bad. The members look like this, and the instructors are like that. If anyone plans on coming here after leaving, it might be worth advising them to reconsider.
Joo Hyuk shook his head and stood up. The discomfort of the darkness was gone, the facilities were well-equipped, and he figured it was a good idea to wash up. When he thought about it, it had been a few days since he last even washed his body. He was actually one of the lucky ones. Among his colleagues, there were plenty who hadn’t even gone near the bathroom since the training started.
...Then again, some were too lazy to go to the bathroom when tired and just took care of things by the sink next to their beds, so what more could be said?

Joo Hyuk vowed that if the day came when he had to change rooms, he would never share a room with Alta.
"Where are the underwear?"
"Underwear?"

Joo Hyuk rummaged through a drawer and asked. Ilay, who had been reading his book, looked at him with a puzzled expression. Joo Hyuk, too, looked at him in surprise.
"There should be provided underwear. I was dragged here early in the morning without anything and didn’t bring anything. The old man didn’t say anything either. So, naturally, everything should be provided here, right?"
"The clothing provided here is only the clothes. If you want to use a towel as a gown substitute, I suppose that could be considered clothing."

Joo Hyuk stared at him blankly. The clothing provided here meant the loose, rubber-band training suit like the one Ilay was wearing, and the same gray prison-like outfit that Joo Hyuk had changed into when he arrived. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t seen any other underwear or things like that when pulling clothes from the drawer. But he had assumed they must be somewhere else in another drawer.
"...Did you pack everything?"
"Do you think the main culprit had time to pack, when even the witness here didn’t?"

"Then what are you wearing?"
"I’m not wearing anything. Want to see?"
Ilay made a motion as if to pull down his pants, looking amused. Joo Hyuk scowled and immediately refused.

"Stop. I don’t want to see such ugly things."
"Ugly? That’s too much. You’ll see that ugly thing every time you go to the bathroom."
"Mine is much cuter and more lovable than yours. No comparison to that ugly thing."

Joo Hyuk said this with certainty, but he felt something wasn’t quite right and gave Ilay a bold look. The truth was, it was a fair statement. Joo Hyuk frowned, recalling Ilay's naked body, which he had unintentionally seen at the beach a few days ago. He thought, ◆ Nоvеlіgһt ◆ (Only on Nоvеlіgһt) Whoever sleeps with that guy is doomed. He even felt sorry for the young man who had been with him. He seemed quite small, and it was a relief his mouth hadn’t torn that day. Anyone who had gotten involved with that guy deserved his deepest condolences.
Joo Hyuk turned away from Ilay, who was laughing loudly as if he had heard the funniest thing, and entered the bathroom, giving up on the search for underwear.
Damn, now unwanted memories were coming back. The imposing body that was faintly outlined in the dim light at the dark beach, and the overwhelming atmosphere as he casually walked out, naked. The smell of sweat and body odor mixed, making it hard to breathe. As a fellow male, Joo Hyuk instinctively wanted to back away and get out of the area due to the strong vitality of that presence.

Joo Hyuk looked into the mirror mounted on the bathroom wall. His familiar face reflected back. There was nothing about him that would make him shrink or feel inferior anywhere he went. He wasn’t extraordinary, but he certainly matched the average level of most men. No, in fact, he was beyond average, and with this body, he could confidently show it off. The man outside was excessively above average. He had thought he was thin, but once undressed, he was sturdy. That was unfair.
Joo Hyuk grumbled inwardly as he entered the shower. Soon, warm water started flowing over his body, making him feel relaxed and melting away any tension.
He had thought it would be nice to soak in a warm bath for the whole ten days here, but unfortunately, there was no bathtub. Still, having a shower with hot water flowing was a luxurious facility for a prison.

"This completely ruins the meaning of being in prison. It's actually more comfortable and relaxing than being outside."
"It gets reflected in your ratings. Later on, it'll be hard to get a good assignment if there's a record of having been here."
At some point, Ilay had entered and was now standing in front of the toilet, casually watching Joo Hyuk.

"So, the guys who want to go to certain places or the ones who want to be sold off for a higher price will try their best to score well. Didn't you feel it after spending a few days together? The reason they win in sparring or training and listen attentively in lectures isn’t just because of their competitive spirit or thirst for knowledge. Well, some live by doing whatever comes to mind, but others...”
"Is that you?"
Joo Hyuk grimaced and rubbed his body. There was soap next to the sink outside the shower stall, but since Ilay was standing right next to it, he didn’t feel like getting closer. So, he just rubbed his body with his hands under the water stream, grimacing and licking his lips bitterly.

 
Using the communal bathroom, it's common to see one person washing their face while another uses the toilet and yet another washes their hair, but it's still uncomfortable to have someone using the toilet right next to the shower. Especially when that person watches you so intently as if they're interested.
"Haha, I live as I like, but 'whatever happens, happens' isn't my style. And even if I've caused problems multiple times going in and out of the assigned places, in my case, the results I've built up are like a golden tower. It seems that talk of a promotion is starting to come up now, whether I want it or not."

"Promotion? I thought the guards at UNHRDO don’t get promoted from being members."
"Usually, that’s the case. You need to meet certain qualifications, and it’s hard to meet them just by being a member. But in my case, I’ve been out a lot for external matters. Oh, by the way, your uncle started as a member too."
"Right. I think that’s how it was... but..."

Joo Hyuk began to speak but stopped briefly. It felt somewhat silly to bring it up. However, the blatantly staring gaze was really bothering him. He raised his eyes and glared at Ilay.
"What are you looking at?"
"No, I was just thinking... no matter where you go, you’d never be out of place with a body like that. You must be pretty popular, huh? No wonder that kid would fall for you."

Ilay laughed as he spoke, and Joo Hyuk stared at him with an expression that said he’d just heard something strange. Looking at the object he had just used, Joo Hyuk thought with a disgusted face, You’d be the one who’d get hit with that thing, wouldn’t you?
Arguing about the size of manhood was enough for military life. It was ridiculous to watch guys try to boast about how they were slightly bigger or smaller than others. What did the size matter? When he’d joked about it, one of his friends had laughed and said, You’re only saying that because you’re average-sized, and then went on to ramble on about big equipment and male virility.
But seeing this man now, Joo Hyuk understood the feelings of those who were insecure about the size of their bodies. He had never thought about it much before, but when facing Ilay's gaze, he felt an overwhelming desire to cover up. After all, who would feel comfortable with such an obvious stare?

Joo Hyuk showed his discomfort clearly, but Ilay didn’t seem to care at all. Not wanting to explicitly tell him Stop looking, Joo Hyuk furrowed his brow and, feeling awkward, walked out of the glass booth, beginning to dry his body with a towel. He then glanced up at Ilay, who was still standing there.
"If you’re done, why don’t you leave? Is it your first time watching someone?"
"I’ve seen plenty of people, but this is the first time I’m looking at you like this... Can I ask you something?"

Ilay smiled slyly as he spoke. Joo Hyuk looked at him suspiciously, wondering what he was about to say, then reluctantly nodded.
"Have you ever slept with that kid? What about other guys? Do you have any experience?"
Joo Hyuk frowned. That was too personal a question. No wonder he started with Can I ask you something? before bringing this up.

He clicked his tongue. Of course, he had some experience. Maybe Ilay wasn’t human in this regard, but Joo Hyuk was average or above average in this area too.
"Yeah."
"With a man?"

"Yeah."
Joo Hyuk answered shortly and bluntly, and Ilay laughed. Now that he thought about it, Ilay had mentioned something like that during a previous conversation, how he’d strayed from sexual morals. Ilay chuckled, seeming amused.
"All those kids like that, just your type, huh?"

Joo Hyuk thought, Why does he ask such useless things? He nodded as he continued drying himself with the towel. Despite it, the dampness still lingered, and he hesitated to put on his clothes right away. He could walk around with just the towel around his waist, but with a dangerous man like Ilay in the room, he felt too vulnerable to be naked. It was like facing a wild animal without any weapons. When he thought about it, Ilay could probably kill someone easily with his bare hands, but Joo Hyuk wasn’t even sure if he could kill someone with a weapon.
Old man, this was definitely a mistake. How could you put me in the same room as that guy? I’d rather be with someone who would hold a .50 caliber revolver and threaten to kill him.
"Everyone has preferences. I’ve held big guys too, but I like soft, smooth people more."

"I see... so you’ve never been... penetrated."
Joo Hyuk froze for a moment, his hand halting as he picked up his clothes. He glanced at Ilay with an expression of disgust, then quickly left the bathroom. The gray, thin training suit—well, more like a prison uniform—caught on the remaining dampness on his body, making it hard to put on, and he clicked his tongue.
"There are preferences, you know. I don’t really like that sort of thing. Never thought about it."

Joo Hyuk said flatly. In truth, there was a slight trauma, though it was a minor one. He couldn’t remember exactly when it happened, but it must have been shortly after entering high school in early summer.
One of the gym teachers was absent, so he ended up playing soccer with seniors from the grade above. After gym class, they went to the water faucet to wash off the sweat. As he was washing himself, a senior sprayed water on his back. While he was thanking him for the cool water, he noticed the senior’s hand brushing strangely along his back and waist. At first, Joo Hyuk thought it was just his imagination, but soon after, things went wrong.
After that, the senior often invited him to meals or drinks, and although Joo Hyuk was confused about how they’d become so close, he thought of him as a good senior and went along. But as summer grew hotter, one day, while they were resting on the mats in the cool shade of the gym’s storeroom, the senior suddenly leaned on top of Joo Hyuk.

 
Whether he was from the judo or hapkido club, he was shorter than Joo Hyuk but had a frame that was about one and a half times his size. No matter how much Joo Hyuk struggled, the guy was clinging to him desperately, making it hard to get him off. During this time, that bastard, who wasn't even worth being called a senior, shoved his hands into Joo Hyuk’s clothes, kneading him all over.
Eventually, panting heavily, the bastard tried to kiss Joo Hyuk, causing him to recoil in horror. Without thinking about the fact that he was a senior or anything, Joo Hyuk threw a punch. Then, without listening to the senior shouting at him from behind, he ran out and never saw that senior again.

At that time, Joo Hyuk was already aware of his own preferences. He felt more comfortable with men than women and thought it was easier to be physical with them. But because of that senior, he learned something more: that people definitely have their own tastes. He didn’t want to be pressed down by that senior, nor did he have any desire to hold him. That guy was just a senior. A simple acquaintance.
Thinking back on it, that senior was still just a high school student, and it was sad. Even if someone matched his taste, he should have thought about whether he matched theirs before diving in. By now, the senior must have met someone good and is probably living well. XX senior. (He forgot his name.)
Joo Hyuk shook his head at the bitter past. Then, a sudden ominous feeling passed through his mind, and he looked at Ilay.

"You, your tastes aren’t the same as mine, are they?"
"Hmm?"
"That guy you touched at the beach... You like those delicate, smooth guys, don’t you?"

"I don’t have a specific preference, but those guys are nice to press down on. It feels good to hold them."
Ilay nodded with a smile. Joo Hyuk sighed in relief as if reassured, then spoke firmly.
"I’ll say it again, you’re not my type. I don’t have a thing for bigger men than me. So don’t even think about it, not even for a second."

Joo Hyuk said this with a raised finger, and Ilay looked at him with a somewhat strange expression. Even though he stared back, Joo Hyuk narrowed his eyes and glared at Ilay. Ilay stared back without blinking for a moment before suddenly bursting into laughter.
"What’s this about?"
Joo Hyuk glared at him, irritated that Ilay suddenly started laughing while staring at him. Ilay didn’t stop laughing for a while, leaning against the wall as if drained of energy. After quite some time, he stopped laughing and waved his hand.

"Ah, I’ll keep that in mind."
"Yeah... …"
Joo Hyuk nodded at Ilay’s response but continued to eye him suspiciously. It wasn’t lost on him that Ilay seemed pleased by the fact that Joo Hyuk wasn’t his type. Something about it felt like a blow to his pride, and he wasn’t quite comfortable with it.

Prison life wasn’t as bad as he thought. He had expected it to be like a disciplinary room, but after hearing his comrades’ stories about how people came out of the "real" prison looking like skeletons, he figured this place was far from it. Still, it was like a vacation compared to what he had imagined.
What had those guys been doing to end up like that? Had they been on a hunger strike or something?
After a few days in the "prison," Joo Hyuk got his answer to that question. It came from Ilay, who grinned as soon as he spoke.

"You came here because of your uncle. This side of the prison is just a simple holding facility. If you cross to the other side, that’s where you’ll find the real prison."
At Ilay’s answer, Joo Hyuk recalled the scene when he first arrived. The elevator had opened on the 7th underground floor, and the doors had split to reveal two identical black iron doors. The scene inside was similarly dark and gloomy. He had just accepted it and moved on, but it seemed that was the dividing line between heaven and hell.
Joo Hyuk stared up at the ceiling for a moment, then turned to Ilay.

"Then why did you end up here?"
He himself had been wrongly sent here, but this man had killed several people—though he claimed it was self-defense—and yet he was in this comfortable holding facility. Wasn’t that unfair?
But Ilay just smiled faintly and didn’t give a direct answer. Instead, he casually said, "I’ve got good connections, that’s all."

"So you’ve never actually been in a real prison."
"Hmm... well, I have been once."
"Really? For what?"

Joo Hyuk was curious. What had he done to end up in a real prison, when this man had killed without consequence? But, as expected, Ilay didn’t answer. He just smiled mysteriously. Joo Hyuk quickly realized he wouldn’t get a response and shifted his attention elsewhere.
He would never have gotten close to someone like him if they had met outside of this place. Ilay had no hesitation about killing people with a calm face, and Joo Hyuk wasn’t fond of people like him. There was something about him that seemed to hide something, but at the same time, there was no space to uncover it. It was different from family situations, even though his uncle was also somewhat like that.
"You were in the military until recently, weren’t you?"

Ilay suddenly spoke up. Joo Hyuk looked at him with a surprised expression. The small light by his bedside cast a large shadow against the wall.
"Think of prison as a mix of a detention center, prison, and torture chamber. Though torture isn’t common, the bigger the crime, the more likely it is you’ll end up in the torture chamber. While you’re in prison, you can’t sleep with your back on the floor. If they don’t let you sleep properly, you’ll end up collapsing, whether sitting or kneeling."
Ilay said it casually. From the tone of his voice, Joo Hyuk realized that he had experienced this situation himself. He frowned. Joo Hyuk had been to a detention room before, and just sitting in a proper posture all day had felt like his back was about to break. If it was worse than that, he didn’t even want to think about it.

Joo Hyuk silently looked at Ilay. He appeared normal, reading quietly while leaning against the wall. With his handsome and gentlemanly appearance, reading like that was actually quite a sight. From the outside, he seemed like a person who could easily win over others. But how had he become this way? Was it his family environment?
Joo Hyuk clicked his tongue inwardly, feeling a bit sorry for Ilay. But then Ilay closed his book after finishing it and looked at Joo Hyuk.
"Your expression is quite... subtle. What were you thinking?"

"Hmm... I was just feeling sorry for your unfortunate past."
"My unfortunate past?"
Ilay’s tone immediately changed to one of amusement. He should have been upset, but there wasn’t a trace of that in his expression. Was he broad-minded, or just good at hiding it?

"I wonder which part of my unfortunate past stirred your sympathy?"
Ilay asked, intrigued. Joo Hyuk frowned slightly.
"I don’t know about your past, but I think a person’s personality is shaped by their past. So I’m sure there was something... quite..."

"Quite an unfortunate past? Haha, that’s a reasonable deduction."
Ilay laughed with amusement. His laughter quickly turned to a more bitter tone.
"Not entirely wrong. I definitely didn’t have a happy childhood. I had to live under constant surveillance. Wherever I went, there were eyes watching me. Naturally, I had no friends either. The parents of the kids I hung out with didn’t like it."

"Surveillance? ...Ah, your family was involved in arms dealing..."
Joo Hyuk tilted his head but quickly understood. Weapons that could be used personally weren’t like small knives or guns. If it was something Joo Hyuk’s family developed, it was likely something serious, treated like military supplies. If they dealt in such items, they were likely involved with government agencies. Anyone who wasn’t a big-time supplier would surely be under close supervision.
But treating your own family like that was incredibly inhumane.

Joo Hyuk frowned at the side of Ilay’s life he hadn’t known or cared about. It wasn’t like they were watching for political reasons, but to watch a child so openly... of course, life wouldn’t be easy.
Of course, not everyone who lived like that would end up with a ruined personality like Ilay’s. It couldn’t all be blamed on external factors, but Joo Hyuk felt pity for his childhood.
"The only person who was nice to me back then was a friend from the neighborhood, a classmate. A very small and cute kid. We went to the same high school, and he stayed delicate and kind until graduation. Maybe my preference for guys who remind me of him comes from that."

Ilay’s quiet voice seemed to be reminiscing about the past, speaking more to himself.
Joo Hyuk’s heart tightened. The thought that the lonely boy was supported by that friend, who might have been his first love, was heartbreaking. Looking at Ilay now, no one would believe it was his past. No one could imagine that he had grown into the person he was now.
But Joo Hyuk couldn’t help but feel regret for the environment that had gradually changed a person’s life. Maybe, if things had been different, Ilay could have turned out to be more pleasant and easier to approach. Maybe... it was the Ilay without the twisted side, the Ilay who was still a human.

"Do you still keep in touch with that friend?"
Joo Hyuk asked, wondering where that precious person, who had shown Ilay kindness, was now. Ilay sighed quietly and put the book down. He stared at Joo Hyuk with a face full of pity.
"Of course, we lost contact a long time ago. After I forced him to be around me constantly and pushed him too far, after he graduated, he either moved away or ran. I never saw him again."

"...Hmm?"
Joo Hyuk tilted his head, slightly furrowing his brows. Something about the direction of the story had suddenly shifted. Ilay rubbed his chin lightly. The smile hidden behind his hand was clearly trying to cover up the laughter.