Passion (BL Novel)

"Taey, you're soft in strange places... Don't you quickly discern what’s true and what’s false when listening to someone’s story? It’s a bit pathetic, really. This is an easy story to tell apart, isn’t it?"
Ilay looked at Jeong Tae-yi with a face that said, “So, how are you going to live in this chaotic world going forward?” Jeong Tae-yi stared at him, slowly understanding his words. In simple terms, Ilay had calmly joked—or perhaps lied—while speaking to Jeong Tae-yi.

"------You brat."
Jeong Tae-yi threw whatever he could find nearby at Ilay. Ilay easily caught the stainless steel cup, which made a sharp sound as it sliced through the air. He smiled. He had been a fool to think that this annoying face held some pitiable past.
"Did you have this personality since you were a kid?"

"Well, I don’t know how much of it was influenced by my environment, but sometimes my older brother would tell me, ‘You’ve never been able to change since you were little.’ When I was a kid, I thought it was just a phase, and that I’d grow out of it, but even as I grew up, I heard that I hadn’t changed at all."
"..."
At least it seemed that his older brother understood what proper human behavior was, which was fortunate. But the fact that Ilay had this personality from such a young age made it only natural that other parents would warn their kids not to play with him. That is, his unfortunate past was created by his personality in the first place. Was it the unfortunate environment that shaped his personality, or was it his personality that created the unfortunate environment?

"This is truly a chicken-and-egg situation."
Jeong Tae-yi sighed and scratched his head. Then he glared at Ilay fiercely. To lie about something like this, it was utterly despicable.
Ilay chuckled. It was hard to find anything more repulsive than a person making cruel jokes and then laughing about it.

"What about you?"
After laughing for a while, Ilay suddenly asked. Jeong Tae-yi, still with a fierce expression, glared at him.
"I’ve been told I’m a good guy since I was a kid, and that’s stuck with me. Except for one guy, a fellow cadet from military school. I’ve lived a smooth, uneventful life."

He muttered, "I wouldn’t have lived a life as troublesome as yours," but Ilay smiled and said:
"However, you had an exceptionally famous older brother, didn’t you? Especially with a twin brother so outstanding, I imagine your life must’ve had its share of difficulties."
"..."

Jeong Tae-yi looked at him with a fierce face but tilted his head, thinking. Ilay laughed again when he saw this, and Jeong Tae-yi's expression grew even fiercer.
There was no doubt that difficulties had arisen. His older brother was so outstanding that he stood out like a sharp needle. Almost everyone, except for his parents, uncle, and himself, had compared Jeong Tae-yi to Jeong Jae-yi at least once. But after a while, when such comparisons became a part of everyday life, people naturally stopped caring. Furthermore, Jeong Tae-yi had a good relationship with his older brother, so he was able to overlook these issues.
"Not much, but there was one thing I envied about him. If I had received just half of his luck, I wouldn’t be sitting here like this now."

He muttered to himself, thinking, I probably wouldn't have ever come across someone like you, but kept it to himself.
"But thinking about it, it's not like I'm particularly unlucky compared to others—though I’m starting to question that lately—his luck was what he needed. He attracted many dangerous people because of his talent. He’s been kidnapped multiple times."
Of course, he never got hurt because of his extraordinary luck. Extreme luck always saved him—once, the kidnapper, who had taken him, suddenly had a heart attack right in front of the police station, crashing into a police car, which led to the police rushing in. It was always like that; his brother was unharmed.
When they were young, his brother had often gotten sick, almost dying at times, but Jeong Tae-yi didn’t remember it well, since he had been weak and often in the hospital himself as a child.

"Yeah, Jeong Jae-yi is famously lucky. Maybe even more famous for his luck than his incredible intelligence. No one here doesn’t know him."
Ilay smiled slyly. Jeong Tae-yi nodded. It was nothing new for his brother to be famous.
"But, haven’t you ever wondered? How can a person be so extremely lucky?"

Suddenly, Ilay asked in a slightly lowered voice. Jeong Tae-yi smiled faintly.
"How can you find a reason for someone being lucky? He was just born that way. Even if you look at our birth dates, times, and blood types, they're exactly the same. You won’t find a rational reason for it, no matter how hard you try."
"Sure, you probably can’t find a reason for being lucky or unlucky, but if there’s a situation, there’s always a cause for it," Ilay said, his tone a bit strange.

Jeong Tae-yi frowned and scratched his head. Hearing Ilay speak about destiny felt very strange. He didn’t seem like someone who enjoyed talking about fate. Come to think of it, he had once brought up something similar during a phone call.
"If people could figure out the reason, everyone would be trying to find it."
Jeong Tae-yi muttered, bored. Talking about luck always ended in the same tired conclusion—either envy or some nonsense about ‘the lucky bastard,’ and it was never fun.

"Your brother might know the reason."
This boring conversation seemed to amuse Ilay. Jeong Tae-yi sighed and murmured:
"Well, I’ve never asked him. ‘Why are you so lucky?’ Next time we meet, I’ll ask him and let you know."

He laid down, obviously bored with the topic, and turned his body. Noticing this, Ilay didn’t speak further. Jeong Tae-yi glanced around the room, then turned his head and smiled faintly at Ilay.
"You really seem to care a lot about my brother. You've never even met him, so is it really that fascinating? He's just a guy with a big brain and a lot of luck. People expect something special, but they’ll be disappointed."
"Expect something special? I don’t expect it. With his luck and brain, he’s already a special person. Jeong Jae-yi could never be ordinary, no matter what kind of character he has."

Ilay laughed. Jeong Tae-yi thought about his brother for a moment. He had always been around him, so maybe he didn’t notice just how extraordinary he was. To him, his brother was just a regular guy doing his thing, but to others, he might seem like someone from another world. It felt strange hearing his brother’s name from someone who seemed so uninterested in others.
"Well, I’ll tell him later. Ilay Ligrow, the guy who’s really curious about him."
After saying that, Jeong Tae-yi wondered if it might be dangerous. His uncle had often said: Don’t associate with crazy people. Don’t draw attention to yourself. But in a way, it was already too late. His brother had already been noticed by the world's eyes. The only thing fortunate was that his brother’s extraordinary luck was there to protect him.

"Anyway... it’s nice to just be sitting here and relaxing without getting hurt, but after a few days, it’s starting to get a bit boring. My body feels sluggish. I’d rather run a marathon through all the segments."
"A full marathon, huh? If you run around the walls of this room, it’s about 20 meters—if you stay a bit further from the walls, it’ll be 10 meters. You’d need to run about 4200 laps. I’ll count for you if you want to try."
This time, Jeong Tae-yi threw a water bottle at Ilay. Ilay caught it easily. However, it seemed that he wasn’t feeling great either, as he stood up and walked toward the wall. He cleared the items off a shelf and lightly tapped it a few times. Then he flipped upside down, using his feet to prop himself up and began doing sit-ups.

"Can’t you just lie down and do it normally? Why do you have to hang upside down like a bat?"
"Doing handstands once in a while is good for blood circulation. Haven’t you heard of it?"
"Umm, I’m not that good at balance."

He muttered, "I prefer to exercise normally," as he stretched his hands, feet, and neck. But he had already done enough of the types of exercises he could do alone, like push-ups, handstands, and sit-ups.
Jeong Tae-yi watched Ilay, who had already surpassed 30 or 40 sit-ups, with a silent gaze. It seemed that exercise was both his hobby and lifestyle. He even read books while hanging upside down or in a riding stance. If he kept doing that, he’d probably have an amazing physique, but it didn’t seem that way. It seemed his body was naturally built that way.
"But why would someone need visible muscles when they could snap someone’s neck with one hand?"

Jeong Tae-yi muttered to himself. Ilay stopped briefly in mid-air and looked at him. After spending several days together, Jeong Tae-yi casually asked:
"By the way, do you know that if you’re hanging upside down like that, you can just hit their knees and heels to make them fall?"
Ilay laughed. He responded with the same calm tone Jeong Tae-yi had used:

"I don’t think it’ll work. You can try if you want."
"Try it? Alright. Don’t regret it later. Don’t try to take it out on me afterwards."
Jeong Tae-yi preemptively made sure to stop Ilay from getting mad later if he fell. He stood up lightly and walked over, but stopped a few steps away.

"Hmm. I’ve just realized something. If I get too close and try to touch you, you’ll probably grab me and hit me."
Ilay, still hanging upside down, had his legs hooked on the shelf, and his hands free. Jeong Tae-yi mumbled to himself in embarrassment but soon laughed lightly.
"But there are other ways to hit your knees, you know."

As he finished his sentence, Jeong Tae-yi took a few steps back. He then leaped forward, hands touching the ground and swinging his leg towards Ilay’s knee. It was too quick for Ilay to stop, but his reflexes were incredible.
Ilay didn’t move to block his leg with his hands. He simply released one leg from the shelf and kicked the leg coming at him.
The entire thing happened in a blink of an eye. There was no time to react or change direction. Luckily, Jeong Tae-yi’s ankle wasn’t hurt, but his balance was completely thrown off.

"Ugh..."
Jeong Tae-yi shouted briefly and stumbled to the side, collapsing onto the floor. As he hit the ground, Ilay released his other leg from the shelf, jumped down, and quickly turned Jeong Tae-yi over, sitting on his lower back.
In a flash, Jeong Tae-yi found himself pinned down. He mumbled, surprised, while blinking rapidly. What had started as a lighthearted joke had ended with him getting completely subdued.

"You wanted to mess around a bit, but when doing so against me, you need to be more careful. With such a careless approach, your neck would be snapped in an instant in a real fight."
Ilay murmured with a laugh from behind. Jeong Tae-yi sighed, burying his face into the mattress in front of him. He’d failed. But he wasn’t really upset. He had thought it would be easy, but he knew this man’s abilities. His reflexes, balance, strength, and speed were all incredible.
"Ilay, where were you before joining the UNHRDO?"

Jeong Tae-yi asked calmly, his mind still on how Ilay was able to pinpoint such perfect moments and control his movements with such amazing precision. Where had Ilay learned such skills? The training at the branch couldn’t have taught him this.
There was silence behind him. He couldn’t even see Ilay’s face. Jeong Tae-yi relaxed his body completely as he lay flat on the floor.
"Special forces. ...Well, I wasn’t actually in it, but I was offered to join."

“Some special forces unit.”
The answer stopped again. Only a wind-like laugh was heard. Jeong Tae-yi felt the large hand pressing on his shoulder tighten. The arm bent backward pulled.
“If you don’t want to tell me, I won’t ask. You just don’t have to ask. Why would you try to pull someone’s arm out over something like that?”

“Haha, I’m not thinking of pulling it out. Here, I’ll let go of one hand—try to get out.”
“If I could get out,” Ilay said as he released Jeong Tae-yi’s other hand. At the same time, he leaned his body closely and pressed Jeong Tae-yi’s back down with his chest plate. His legs braced on the floor and arms pressing firmly—like a modified submission hold.
Jeong Tae-yi chuckled. He had been bored anyway, maybe he’d have some fun this way.

“You must’ve been bored too.”
Jeong Tae-yi planted his free hand on the floor and curled his body as much as possible, lifting his torso off the ground. He planned to completely bear Ilay’s weight, push off the floor, roll over, and break free. But...
“Ugh, damn, you’re heavy. How come you look so skinny but weigh this much?”

“I often hear people say I look skinny when I wear clothes. And you’ve seen me naked, yet you say that? No one’s ever said I look skinny when I’m naked.”
That was true. When Jeong Tae-yi first saw Ilay’s bare body, he was shocked. The difference in feeling between clothed and naked was obvious. Even considering that, Ilay was heavy. Jeong Tae-yi could easily carry a man of similar build, but Ilay’s weight far exceeded expectations.
“Are your veins made of muscle or something? Why are you so heavy?”

Jeong Tae-yi grumbled, but still managed to roll his body enough to shake Ilay off. As Ilay pressed down to keep him down, he smiled suddenly as his body rose slightly.
“Excellent. You won’t go around quietly giving up your neck anywhere.”
“Of course... I... will not!”

At that moment, Jeong Tae-yi twisted his body. He only needed to escape from being pinned down. If one arm was free and he wasn’t face-down, he was confident he could get out.
But then, suddenly, the mass of iron weighing thousands of kilograms seemed to settle on his back. A crushing weight pressed on his shoulders and back. At the same time, Ilay lightly tapped Jeong Tae-yi’s elbow with a finger.
Balance was lost again. His chin slammed so hard on the floor it nearly brought tears to his eyes.

“Ah! …Ugh... What if I bit my tongue, you bastard!!”
“Ah, sorry, sorry. Didn’t think of that.”
Ilay laughed and casually apologized. Then he sighed, clearly troubled.

“This is troublesome. You should’ve moved quickly; you were wriggling too low, Taey.”
“What nonsense. You’re so damn heavy. Hey, move! My chin’s killing me!”
Jeong Tae-yi’s mouth had torn slightly; he tasted blood. He slumped, frustrated, shaking his head lightly. Then he froze.

Ilay, who had been sitting on his back, lost strength too. If he pushed him off now, he could probably get free. But something heavy pressed inside his thigh.
“...”
The position was quite awkward. Jeong Tae-yi tilted his head. Something kept poking between his buttocks and thighs. What was this? Was this guy carrying something between his legs...? Momentarily blank, Jeong Tae-yi put his free hand under his own buttocks and grabbed at the thing moving there.

“...Ah.”
“...Huh?!”
A short gasp escaped Ilay’s lips, and almost simultaneously, Jeong Tae-yi let out a bizarre scream.

Jeong Tae-yi confirmed that what he was holding was Ilay’s crotch. Slowly, his face twisted in disgust. Frozen in place, unsure what to do with what was still in his hand.
Wow. This was crazy. To be holding a man’s thing tightly with your own hand, and that man was none other than this madman—it was crazy. That this thing was as excited as its owner’s mind was even crazier. Its size was noticeably different from what Jeong Tae-yi was used to handling in the bathroom.
He deeply regretted what he had done and froze for a few seconds. Then mechanically, he turned his head.

“What the hell is this?”
“If you suddenly grab it and say that to me, it’s difficult. Ah, wait, don’t squeeze so hard. You’re going to make me pee.”
Ilay’s voice was calm as usual, but his breathing quickened subtly. Jeong Tae-yi panicked and quickly let go. Well, he tried to. But a large hand covered his own. That white, beautiful hand.

“Alright. Still. Just a little more.”
“That’s not alright! What ‘a little more’? Let go of my hand!”
Jeong Tae-yi shouted, his face pale. He struggled desperately to get out from under Ilay. Damn it, the way Ilay’s lower belly still touched his butt was creepy. Worse, the damn hand over his own was pressed against his groin.

But while Jeong Tae-yi trembled violently, Ilay smiled coolly and quietly. The only difference was a faintly elevated breath and a slightly hushed voice near Jeong Tae-yi’s ear.
“Sorry, sorry. After lying still for days, I guess I unconsciously got like this. It’s no problem, though. It’s just light fun. —-Wait. Stay still. Relax…”
Ilay whispered into his ear. His lips touched Jeong Tae-yi’s earlobe, hot. Hot and ticklish; it sent a shiver down Jeong Tae-yi’s spine. He shrank without realizing it.

What was this? He never wanted this damn situation. Why did he have to wrestle desire with a bastard like this?
While Jeong Tae-yi’s mind scrambled, a large hand slid over his pants. Slowly stroking from his lower belly, the hand covered his crotch and tightened like a noose.
Gasping, Jeong Tae-yi exhaled sharply.

Ilay, gripping the limp member through the clothes, suddenly squeezed firmly. Not enough to hurt, but enough to startle. Jeong Tae-yi opened his mouth to protest, but Ilay began stroking it. His fingers pushed the soft skin strongly, teasing the tip through the thin fabric. The sight of that lightly pushing finger against the member’s tip was chilling. Ilay laughed, holding an absurdly erect member.
It /N_o_v_e_l_i_g_h_t/ wasn’t just Jeong Tae-yi’s imagination. The thing in his hand was gradually rising, lifting so much it could no longer fit in his palm. Jeong Tae-yi recoiled his hand in disgust, but Ilay’s hand over his own pressed firmly, blocking any movement.
“Hey, wait, this is not my hobby!”

Jeong Tae-yi shouted, but his voice cracked into a hoarse metallic rasp, probably because of the urgency or the tightness below. Behind him, Ilay muttered in a noticeably rough, low voice.
“Technically, you’re not really my type either. But desire isn’t always about preference. Don’t think about it. It’s just about releasing built-up tension. Like me, and like you. We’re just borrowing hands from each other. Everyone does that to some degree.”
His voice grew heated as he spoke. Then suddenly, Jeong Tae-yi’s grip on Ilay’s member seemed to slip.

Everyone does that? You do, maybe, but I don’t... Jeong Tae-yi grimaced involuntarily at the fading sensation. Such an urgent desire brought out the beast in him, stronger than reason.
Come to think of it, it had been months since Jeong Tae-yi last released desire. Since he was debating whether to be discharged, he hadn’t had the chance. Maybe it had been almost a year.
Damn. How could his lower body react with this crazy killer on his back?

“Hey, wait, if you do just a little more... Hey, hey, again, again!!”
Ah, whatever. Since it’s like this, might as well release desire. Jeong Tae-yi’s hand was still tied to Ilay’s crotch. This bastard obviously planned to relieve himself with his own hand, so it would only be unfair if Jeong Tae-yi didn’t join in.
Jeong Tae-yi shouted, grabbing Ilay’s wrist tightly as his hand was slipping away. Ilay paused briefly, then chuckled softly. He shook off Jeong Tae-yi’s hand and said,

“Your clothes are already wet. Planning to pee on your clothes?”
Jeong Tae-yi shrank his hovering hand and lowered his burning face. Ilay slipped his hand inside Jeong Tae-yi’s pants and pulled them down. A coolness spread below. But before it could chill, his hand wrapped generously around Jeong Tae-yi’s crotch again.
Lowering his head, Jeong Tae-yi saw that white, beautiful hand gripping his groin. Between long, delicate fingers, his reddening member peeked out, visibly erect and already moist at the tip, just as Ilay had said.

The sight of that pale, slender hand teasingly fondling his member’s thin skin so roughly it hurt was obscene enough to make Jeong Tae-yi turn his head away.
Meanwhile, Ilay interlocked fingers with Jeong Tae-yi’s hand and pulled them both inside his pants. As the front of the pants dropped, the now fully erect member suddenly sprang out. Jeong Tae-yi groaned again. Covered by clothes it was just uncomfortable, but bare skin pressed tightly against the palm and overflowing, its size made him shudder.
“Now, get on your stomach... lift your hips.”

The heat of Ilay’s chest pressed against his back was intense, as if the warmth was flooding his mind and making him dizzy.
Jeong Tae-yi lowered his body as instructed, but suddenly snapped to attention at the sensation of the tip pressing between his bare buttocks. Cold sweat broke out, recalling that firm, dependable feeling.
“Wait! No! This isn’t right! I told you, you’re not my type! Just borrowing hands is fine—what the hell are you trying to shove in like you want to kill me, you bastard!”

Jeong Tae-yi jumped up, yelling. He wasn’t joking. He never liked being underneath anyone, and never had; if someone shoved something like that in, he’d surely die split in two. As he kicked fiercely with a pale face, Ilay, clutching his own member and pushing it between Jeong Tae-yi’s buttocks, frowned. Then, as if giving up, he shrugged.
“Alright, alright. Like I said, you’re not my type anyway. Probably wouldn’t enjoy the feeling... Then come closer. No, lie down. Yes.”
Jeong Tae-yi hesitated, but Ilay impatiently pushed him down and pinned him. Lying on top, Ilay grabbed both their members together with his large hand and began stroking vigorously.

Ilay’s hand was rough and violent, refusing to let up or give Jeong Tae-yi any chance to protest. Jeong Tae-yi opened his mouth but no scream came out. Between pain and pleasure, the member swelled more and more. The heat of Ilay’s member pressed against his own was terrifying, almost burning.
Jeong Tae-yi frowned wordlessly while Ilay, letting out a low moan above his face, suddenly stretched a large hand over Jeong Tae-yi’s eyes. Darkness fell.
With vision blocked, his senses sharpened. All sensation funneled to one spot, fueling an eerie, rising heat inside him. Slowly... more and more...

And then suddenly.
A hot, sticky liquid splattered over his belly. Ilay’s hand vanished from his sight. Twice, then thrice, the milky, thick fluid was sprayed repeatedly right before his eyes. Almost simultaneously, their releases pooled on Jeong Tae-yi’s abdomen and slowly trickled down. The heat of it made him yelp sharply.
His head burned, his vision blurred white—everything felt unreal. The sensation lingered for a moment.

Feeling dizzy, he closed his eyes briefly. His body went limp, sprawling on the floor.
He thought he might just pass out like this. But then warmth receded from above. Opening his eyes, he saw Ilay sitting up beside him, still leaning over him. Sitting next to the sprawled Jeong Tae-yi, Ilay smirked and muttered,
“See? It’s not bad. You can release desire with anyone.”

“No... I still prefer someone I like. After all, you have to look each other in the face afterward.”
Jeong Tae-yi mumbled without moving. Slowly, reason returned to his mind.
He thought, I did something stupid again. Though not completely out of his mind while doing it, he shouldn’t blame himself too much. Still, it felt like he was defying his uncle’s advice and sinking deeper into the mire. Best not to get involved, but here he was, entangled.

No, who knows? he thought. We are close enough to share hands and release desires. When trouble comes later, maybe that closeness will matter.
He sighed deeply.
It was a ridiculous thought even to himself. This guy was like a cherished lover who would snap his head off if the timing was wrong.

Suddenly, a memory from before flashed in his mind:
—“…I’ve never experienced it, so it’s hard to understand, but feelings don’t help life at all. If it were me, I’d rather fight it out once and for all. Better than grumbling with a frustrated, flushed face... I think feelings are just temporary whims, not worth worrying about.”
Those words were now the most important guideline for understanding Ilay.

Jeong Tae-yi glanced sideways at Ilay. The hot, humid atmosphere from moments ago was gone, and Ilay was wiping his soiled body with his usual calm and indifferent expression. Their eyes met, and without any awkwardness, Ilay offered him a tissue, silently asking if he wanted to clean up too.
Jeong Tae-yi realized anew that this man carried no mental burdens or inhibitions regarding sex. He approached it with the casual attitude of a sport.
He sighed again.

No need to take it so seriously. He had just lightly enjoyed someone else’s hand. And even if he felt heavy-hearted, what good would it do? It wasn’t like his heart or body was truly tied up.
A long sigh brought some relief. Looking into Ilay’s dark, cool eyes made it even clearer: it was truly just enjoyment. A faint bitter regret, but still comfortable with looking each other in the face.
The only discomfort was elsewhere.

Sorry, Shinru.
Jeong Tae-yi silently apologized to him.
“Not getting up? Then I’ll go wash first.”

Ilay nodded toward the bathroom. Jeong Tae-yi muttered, Do whatever you want, I’m not getting up, and rolled onto his side. The fluid still pooled on his belly slowly stiffening, then trickling down. He frowned, and Ilay noticed, smiling as he wiped the fluid off with a towel. Surprisingly, maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy after all. Though it was hard to believe.
“Oh, well... this.”
Ilay flicked the towel aside but noticed some fluid on his fingertips. He clicked his tongue and looked at Jeong Tae-yi thoughtfully. Then, for some reason, he brushed his finger gently over Jeong Tae-yi’s lips.

Jeong Tae-yi, thinking about just lying here tiredly, stiffened immediately and sat up. He rubbed his lips roughly on the back of his hand, making gagging sounds. Ilay laughed quietly and slapped the top of Jeong Tae-yi’s head mercilessly.
Tap.