Please Don’t Die, My Lady

Chapter 38

Every time I moved, the handcuffs around my wrist made a metallic clinking sound.

The only sounds in the room were the echo of the chains and Ariana’s sobbing, as she sat there crying without answering a single one of my questions.

So, you’re suffering.

I don’t know why you’re so distraught, but I’m sure there’s some grand reason I can’t comprehend.

It seems I’m expected to figure it out and come to terms with it on my own.

As always.

That’s how it goes.

“So, will you let me attend classes?”

“…No.”

“What about the bathroom?”

“…I’ll bring you a chamber pot.

I’ll clean it up neatly with magic.”

“And meals?”

“I’ll manage your diet, using IV drips alongside well-prepared meals…”

“I see.”

Understood.

Your determination to never let me go is crystal clear.

I tugged on the handcuffs, only to feel a sharp pain in my wrist. The cuffs didn’t budge.

Feeling drained, I leaned against the bed railing.

What should I do now?

Not in the sense of solving this situation, of course.

I was pondering how I should react.

If this had been me shortly after arriving at the academy, I would’ve thrown a fit, flailing and screaming.

If this had been me when Ariana had me under her thumb, I would’ve pulled at the cuffs until my arms broke.

If it had been me after becoming weary of life, I would’ve tried to end it all, no matter the method.

But now?

I wasn’t as hopeless as when I first came to the academy. I wasn’t as terrified of her as I was when she tormented me. And I wasn’t so broken by life that I wanted to die.

Because of that, I didn’t know what to do.

Ah, is this what exhaustion feels like?

Maybe so.

If this isn’t exhaustion, what else could explain my lack of strength to even be angry when faced with a situation that should make me want to die?

And yet, the thought of quietly complying set off an alarm bell in my head.

How annoying.

If I’m going to be tired, I should fully succumb to it. If I’m going to hate this, I should fully commit to hating it.

Being stuck in this ambiguous state makes me waste energy on useless thoughts.

I turned my gaze to Ariana, who couldn’t even meet my eyes properly.

Fine, I could endure this.

If it’s just for a few days, sure.

It wouldn’t be impossible.

Because it’s Ariana.

I don’t see the point in resisting her.

“When will you let me go?”

Come on, just say it.

Say it’ll only be for about a week.

Say it.

“…Until you graduate. Please bear with it until then.”

“Ha.”

Her hesitant response was, of course, far beyond what I’d expected.

Graduate?

For me, that’s synonymous with death.

She was essentially telling me to stay chained until my lifespan ran out.

Why not just kill me now?

It would be easier for both of us, and I wouldn’t have to resent you.

Ah.

Do I even need to ask?

I could do it myself.

I pulled out the knife I’d kept in my pocket since I’d been hospitalized.

Without hesitation, I slashed my neck, severing my carotid artery.

I have endless respect for the health teacher, who had provided me with unrealistically sharp blades, saying they were easier to treat with clean cuts.

From the jagged wound, crimson liquid began to gush out, not in trickles but in torrents.

It looked horrific, but it didn’t hurt much.

Just the pain you’d expect from slashing your throat—nothing more, nothing less.

Maybe it felt so trivial because I’d experienced far worse or because my senses had dulled. Either way, it wasn’t a big deal.

The sensation of vitality draining from me wasn’t exactly pleasant, but it didn’t matter.

Looking at Ariana made all those thoughts vanish.

“Remia…? Why…?”

Ariana struck the knife from my loosened grip and hurriedly pressed her pale hands against the gash in my neck.

Her trembling eyes and ashen face, as if she had never anticipated this, were oddly satisfying.

If only I weren’t starting to lose consciousness, I would’ve laughed at her.

Look at that face.

It’s almost inhuman.

You helped make me this way. Partially, at least.

Why did you tie yourself to someone like me—a wretched, broken doll?

Despite Ariana pouring magic into the wound, slowly closing it, the life that had already drained from me wouldn’t return.

Perhaps it was because my body had been on the brink of collapse to begin with.

Even as I felt myself dying in Ariana’s trembling arms, it wasn’t all that bad.

“The blood… there isn’t enough blood. The transfusion pack… the blue blood pack….”

Ah, right. They did say I was always short on blood.

They say hearing is the last sense to go. Even as my vision blurred, my ears remained sharp.

Ariana seemed to be struggling to find a transfusion pack.

I heard the crashing of shelves and, finally, the sound of her picking up the knife I’d dropped.

Ahahaha.

No way.

The knife that had cut my neck now left a wound on Ariana’s wrist.

What a grand slam for that knife.

Judging by the amount of blood pouring out, it seemed she’d severed an artery.

“My Lady, open your mouth. Quickly.”

She pressed her bleeding wrist to my lips and began pouring the blood into my mouth.

Blood transfusions don’t work this way.

Is it some different method in this world?

I don’t know, but I preferred this to having it injected into my veins.

I just wouldn’t swallow.

“Swallow! Hurry! Why… Why are you trying to die…?!

I’m trying to save you—to help you!”

“Cough! You… already… know why…”

I spat out all the blood that had entered my mouth and smiled faintly.

You already know why I’m doing this.

Among all the people in the academy, you know my circumstances better than anyone. So, saying things like that feels a bit cruel.

I don’t expect you to understand, but I had hoped for at least some mutual respect.

Was that asking for too much?

You said you’d handle it, so I foolishly allowed myself to hope.

And again, I was the idiot.

How many times has this happened now?

“I know. I know, but… I just don’t understand. Not at all.

Is it really such a big problem that I care about you and don’t want you to die…?”

Ariana shut her eyes tightly, then sucked the blood from her wrist into her mouth.

Then, she pressed her lips against mine.

Wait, this—

No.

Don’t.

Forcing my lips apart, her tongue invaded my mouth, pinning my tongue down as she pushed the blood into my throat.

I could’ve resisted if I tried, but it all happened too suddenly, and I was too flustered. Before I realized it, I’d swallowed a mouthful.

After that, I didn’t have the chance to do anything.

Gulp, gulp, gulp.

For several seconds, the only sound in the room was the pathetic noise of me swallowing. Then, as she pulled away, the desperate gasps of our breathing joined the mix.

A string of crimson stretched between us before breaking.

When the blood I couldn’t swallow dribbled down my chin, Ariana’s hand gently wiped it away.

The effect was dramatic.

My blurred vision cleared, and some strength returned to my limp limbs.

Annoyingly, consuming blood orally seemed to be an effective treatment.

“Hah… Hah… I’m sorry… but this is partly your fault, my Lady.”

“Heh, ha! My fault?

I did the only thing I could, and that’s somehow my fault?”

“…Then now, even the only thing you could do is gone, isn’t it?

I’m sorry, but I have no intention of sitting back and watching you die.”

Though her wrist still bled profusely, Ariana, now oddly flushed despite her injury, pressed the wound to my mouth.

I had no choice but to drink.

A faint sense of rebellion stirred within me, so I let half the blood spill out instead of swallowing. Her expression darkened.

“You’re not swallowing properly.

If that’s the case, I’ll have to feed you by mouth ag—”

“Don’t you dare!

If you try it again, I’ll bite off either your tongue or mine and end this once and for all!”

No matter the intention, any action that could be interpreted as sexual was utterly revolting to me.

I might harm myself, but I never let my suffering spill over to others.

But if this kind of situation repeats, who knows what I might do.

Even a small dog bites when provoked.

So, please.

“…If you don’t like it, stop wasting it.

I’m starting to feel dizzy, too.”

Hearing that, I drank obediently.

I didn’t want to drag this out and risk Ariana collapsing.

I endured the metallic taste, holding back the nausea until it became unbearable.

Finally, after I vomited most of it onto the blanket, Ariana healed her wrist wound.

I’d ended up spitting blood in a different way.

Anyone unaware of the context would’ve been horrified.

As I continued dry-heaving, Ariana looked at me with a gaze full of worry—a feeling that disgusted me.

Her hand gently patted my back, seemingly unbothered.

Infuriatingly tender.

“Just… kill me. Please.

Living out the rest of my life here is worse than dying.”

“…I’m sorry.

But if you survive, eventually everything will be okay.

Even now, look—you’re doing much better than before.

If you just keep living, time will make things better.”

Better than before? What part of me is better?

That saying about time healing all wounds only applies to people who have time.

I came to the academy to spend my last days peacefully, not to get battered around like this!

I glared at her and screamed.

“That again! Again and again!

What do you mean ‘better’? What part of me is better?

I’m just dragging myself along, unable to die!

I’m too exhausted to even react anymore, so I just lie still—but if that looks like improvement to you…

Forget it. At least tell me.

Why are you keeping me tied up? You know I’m your dog already. Isn’t that enough?”

I was angry.

Fury burned inside me.

The dying embers in my mind reignited.

Even so, I struggled to suppress it, conceding just enough to beg for a reason.

But, as expected, what I got in return was—

“No.”

A refusal.

I didn’t even have the strength to question her anymore.

“If I tell you, or if I let you go, you’ll surely go off to die.

I refuse to let that happen.

Even if it means you’ll hate me so much you’d rather die than endure it, I’ll bear that burden.”

“…And just now? That wasn’t me trying to die?”

“No. But…

Just now, my Lady neither tried to sever her arm to escape nor pierced her brow to die instantly.

You haven’t completely overcome your fear of death, your fear of pain.

There’s still a sliver of will to live inside you.”

“And how would you know that?”

“I can tell just by looking.”

I’m the one suffering—so why are you the one enduring it?

It’s my feelings—how could you possibly know them?

Am I your possession?

Or maybe your pet?

At the very least, are we even family?

Why do you think you can take ownership of me, even over myself, when you’re none of those things?

That’s all I have left.

“I see, sure.”

Her response was utterly nonsensical, but I didn’t argue.

I just felt horrible.

Horrible, horrible, horrible.

The suffocating feelings of helplessness, disgust, and fear overwhelmed me.

And now, on top of everything else, I felt betrayed. By Ariana, who I thought had gotten better.

Maybe the problem is that I’m still thinking at all.

If I just gave up entirely, like a doll, I wouldn’t need to hope or feel disappointed.

“I was surprised you didn’t drink the blood, but that was my fault for not realizing we were out of transfusion packs.

I need to stay sharp—for your sake.”

“…You really are…”

I couldn’t finish my sentence.

The kiss from earlier seemed to have triggered something, and I began struggling to breathe again.

Ariana, as if she had a sixth sense, immediately noticed and placed the respirator she’d brought from the infirmary over my face.

The discomfort of being forcibly laid down made me try to sit up, but all it did was tighten the restraint on my free wrist.

Now both my arms were bound, spread apart. How delightful.

With nothing left to do, I simply rolled my eyes around the room.

Spatters of blood had flown everywhere—on the walls, the door, even the ceiling had droplets clinging to it.

It made me laugh.

What now?