RE: Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse

Hentai Shinobi Rule 47: If she's hot, shoot your shot.

***

Mikoto resisted the urge to fuss over Kushina the second she met her team near the Academy's gate. Kushina had thrown a fit yesterday about the matter, and it made Mikoto realize she had been overly worried, which she accepted to be annoying. The matter also gave Mikoto a momentary existential crisis that she was showing her father's worst traits. Brrr.

The Uzumaki residence was merely a few steps away from the academy, so Kai and Kushina didn't need to worry for time. Kushina appeared significantly well-rested, much to Mikoto's relief.

"Hey!" Mikoto smiled as Kai and Kushina glanced at her before grinning and greeting. Informing Mikoto about Tsunade's prior arrival and her waiting for them in the Hokage's office, the trio swiftly set off. They had some expectations for the day's meeting. After all, Tsunade had all but verbally affirmed her actions once Team 9 mastered [Mystic Palms] to some extent.

"Come inside," Hiruzen's voice echoed as the group entered. The Third Hokage wasn't seated in his usual seat. Instead, the trio observed Hiruzen, accompanied by three others, sitting on the sofa set to the side, with two women standing before them.

Everyone knew the peerless, busty blonde. Others recognized Tsunade due to her skillful chakra control and revolutionizing the world of Iryo-Ninjutsu. Meanwhile, Kai recognized the woman for her empathy and sound advice. She had indeed been like a teacher to Kai in more than the Shinobi way. He learned more about life from her than he did from Jiraiya. After all, Tsunade's latest teachings were to hospitalize one's ex-partner should they try something funny. Even damaging their minds and sending them comatose was on the table.

Kai loved that teaching.

Nobody grieved for Dan… maybe except his immediate family. But wouldn't you know it? Only an orphan chose drugs over genuine connection. The matter strengthened Kai's resolve to discipline orphans of every age group and social status—for equality's sake! Also… one less Dan meant one less competitor.

Kai had been growing fine these days. But he realized there was some time before he could sway Tsunade for his promised Harem.

As for the other lady…

Kai knew her, too.

Light-brown hair, expressive green eyes, and a pair of fake glasses—it was none other than Nono Yakushi.

Mikoto and Kushina momentarily focused on Nono. Meanwhile, Kai glanced at her waist, musing if she'd worn those Konoha-printed panties again.

"Ah, great timing," Hiruzen smiled, seemingly aged by the years in a matter of days. He'd shed some hair from the front; whatever remained grew greyish roots. Coupled with the slight deepening of his wrinkles, Hiruzen looked worst for wear. But he never lost his smile when addressing Konoha's future. It was his way of instilling confidence in the growing Genin AND himself.

Besides Hiruzen sat the current generation of Konoha's councilors—the bespectacled Homura Mitokado, the past femme fatale Koharu Utatane, and the bandaged Danzo Shimura.

'Seriously, what the fuck is this guy always bandaged for? Cancer?' Kai's gaze rested on Danzo's right eye and right arm. Whatever it was, it spread from Danzo's right half of face to his arm. Still, Kai calmly sensed their chakra signatures and stored them in his mental library. He was a few thousand Chakra signatures short to register before mastering [Sensing Technique.] Then he planned to find a way to learn Sensing Techniques like Kushina's Hiden, which allowed her to sense things from a significant distance away!

Man, the Uzumaki are… were busted…

"Tsunade applied for Team 9's promotion," Hiruzen spoke as he glanced at the four scrolls on the glass table. The other three elders intensely stared at the trio and Nono as Hiruzen continued. "Meanwhile, Nono-kun also applied for her promotion a week ago."

The Third Kage let a period of silence blanket them as Tsunade maintained an indifferent expression, standing behind the four youths.

"So, who are we killing?" Several gazes focused on the only boy standing between the Ichiraku's red-haired nightmare and the Jiji Dango's raven-haired nightmare.

"Is it your station to question?" Koharu's features twisted with a frown as she questioned coldly, expertly releasing some chakra into the vicinity to form a faint pressure. Unfortunately for her, Kai trained using Mito's gift daily, forcing his body under mountainous exertion to refine and accrue raw stats for his body point-by-point.

Kai met her glance, questioning. "Did you mean our shinobi rank? Because I'm a Genin… and you are no longer part of active duty. Uh, that makes you a civilian with some priorities as an Elder…"

Koharu thinned her lips.

"Tsunade," she narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure he has a heart that beats for Konoha? We all have a scroll on his mischief despite his appointment as a Genin. He almost caused an incident with Hiashi Hyuga's fiancée."

Kai grew silent and looked at Tsunade as if respectfully letting her handle the more severe questions after poking the beehive.

Hey, somebody had to break the ice, right?

"I applied for my team's promotion for a reason," Tsunade spoke in an even tone that left Kai momentarily disappointed. He expected Tsunade to sing his praises and enthusiastically claim her 'possible' future love and intention to join his harem once he grows into a dashing heartbreaker… then again, he did retrieve a treasure from Tsunade's residence. That had to have some impact on her current mood. Or, it could be the destruction of her Grandmother's country.

Hiruzen cleared his throat and spoke in a slightly compassionate voice.

"Kai-kun, dear boy, why do you think we want someone dead?"

Other adults instantly realized it was Hiruzen's method of fishing out what Kai felt about the current situation. Whether he liked it or not, Kai held a sensitive position and was in a good relationship with several crucial figures. Not only that, all these individuals praised Kai's talents to an astonishing degree.

His orphaned past and humble beginnings also made him susceptible to future recruitment into various organizations through marriages or other means.

Knowing more about the thoughts of such children allowed Hiruzen to plan better. Furthermore, the results of the meeting a few days ago with other clan leaders and members of import led to some drastic internal changes—temporary ones.

Konoha now headed into dark clouds, unaware of what awaited on the other side.

"Do you gather all the elders and look so strained if you decided to send us to a party in Honou City?" Kai blinked.

The corner of Hiruzen's lips twitched. The answer might sound innocent if one forgot Kai's accomplishments. Besides, only fools would treat him like an ordinary child, like the women Jiraiya hired for Minato's Birthday. Hiruzen was still appalled by Jiraiya hiring ADULT workers for a kid's birthday party. Sigh… where was Hiruzen's invitation?

"Take it seriously." Tsunade suddenly spoke as she raised a fist and knocked it against Kai's head.

"Yes."

Kai grew quiet and stood straight.

"The fact that a Genin needs to be taught to remain serious is concerning," Danzo suddenly interjected as he stared at Team 9 and Nono with his lone eye.

"I presented the records," Tsunade spoke without losing any pressure. "Are you implying, after reading those mission reports, that Kai doesn't take missions seriously? Or is he to walk on eggshells around his elders? That doesn't sound very compassionate, Elder Shimura."

Danzo grew silent as a tense pressure erupted in the room. Kai sensed the chakra from two different sources, which saturated the space to the point that the remaining trio broke into a cold sweat. Meanwhile, the scrolls on the table began trembling. However, Kai was a tough nut to crack.

"Let's be civil, you two." Homura adjusted his glass and spoke calmly. He glanced at Danzo and Tsunade before nodding at Hiruzen.

Meanwhile, Hiruzen had rapt attention to Kai's reaction after noticing Nono's, Mikoto's, and Kushina's nervousness. Hiruzen couldn't help but realize a fact after seeing the youth's calm expression as if unaware of the silent confrontation in the room AFTER he spoke a few words—the boy barely respected Konoha's current elders. The Third Kage briefly wondered if things could have been different if Konoha prospered instead of leading a new war.

War…

Hiruzen sighed. The pressure in the room instantly vanished as he spoke with a soft smile.

"Promoting Genins is always a complicated task because of the nature of missions a Chunin usually deals with. To become a Chunin, a team of Genins must complete a Chunin's mission to perfection. We shall consider several things within the mission's report, which will be more complicated and dangerous than the usual C-rank missions."

Taking a moment to let the young ones regather their thoughts, Hiruzen revealed, "Your mission is to travel to a remote town near the western border and kidnap the roaming Kame Clan's scion. Tsunade will explain the mission's details to you later. That is all."

"All… of us?" Kai blinked, instantly glancing at Nono.

"She doesn't have a team," Tsunade responded instead. "It's a common practice for Genins from the corp to join a team temporarily."

"I remember Lord Third dismissing all of you," Danzo coughed.

Kai glanced at Tsunade, instantly noting the thinly veiled annoyance. Now, his path was simple. Pleasing the woman he'd been pursuing and putting down a bandaged cunt… that's how you form a harem, right?

"Technically," Kai coughed. "Lord Third didn't. And you have one ear bandaged… can't blame you for not hearing things correctly."

Everyone's expression froze before Koharu erupted.

"Preposterous! Did you teach your team nothing, Tsunade?!"

Even Homura frowned.

"One must learn proper adequates, Young Genin."

"Well, we couldn't have expected more from the woman who beat an innocent individual till the pain fractured his mind," Danzo reminded with a cold snort as Hiruzen felt a raw headache rooting in his temples.

But what did all of it have to do with Kai?

He glanced at Tsunade before nodding to himself. It was a well-earned, quiet, but proud look.

<<<>>>

"That was super inappropriate!" Mikoto thundered, and her loud voice made another couple in the stall, aside from the stall owners, glance at the quietly slurping Kai and Kushina.

"Not really," Kai retorted, understanding Mikoto's frustration stemmed from her lack of understanding. "I did all of us a favor."

Even the quiet Kushina stopped slurping her ramen, looking at Kai with a gaze full of bewilderment. Did he do them a favor? By screwing around with three elders?! Oh, jolly! Kushina should have pissed all over them and earned another favor!

The redhead scoffed.

"You've gotten so dumb, Kai-chan."

Kai sighed as he discreetly glanced at Teuchi's and Asame's other customers. Their stall had gained minor traction, and the couple finally began earning a pretty sum against their earlier investments. So, not having the heart of ruining the power couple's business, Kai was open and blunt. In a way, being blunt was also a political statement, right?

"Must I teach you everything?" Kai sighed, stroking his ego because he hadn't found time to stroke and relieve his other urges. "I feel like I'm your Sensei more than Tsunade-Sensei."

Speaking of Tsunade, she kept things short and brief before recommending a few tools for the mission and flickered away to deal with her other tasks in the hospital.

"What do you mean?" Mikoto questioned. She respected Kai's skills AND mind. Whether she liked to admit it or not, Team 9's pervert-chan had been surprisingly sensitive around everyone since they began experiencing a series of unfortunate events.

"Tch, tch," Kai shook his head as he slurped his noodles. He swayed the index finger of his free hand sideways, sporting a smug look. "Ish that how you ashk a favoh?!" He teased with a mouthful of ramen that inflated his cheeks.

"Indeed, dear," Asame trilled, leaning against the counter with a teasing smirk. "The Academy must have taught prospective Kunoichi how to ask favors, right?"

"Here you go!" Teuchi added, exchanging Kushina's empty ramen bowl with another one, not needing an explicit order since he was already used to the redhead's bottomless stomach.

"I- I don't," Mikoto turned her head before tossing Asame an annoyed glare. "Don't you have meals to prepare?"

"I like being lazy," Asame declared with a cheeky grin.

Oblivious, Kai nudged Mikoto's shoulder with a grin. "You can say it, Mikoto-chan—Oh, please enlighten my foolish self that has been so invested in the super edgy eyeballs of my super edgy clan—"

Mikoto elbowed his stomach as Kai almost coughed out the noodles.

"My Clan isn't edgy!"

"Aha! Then you admit your eyes are!" Kushina piled on.

Mikoto exhaled with slight exhaustion.

"Are you going to tell us or not?"

"Ah, thank you," Teuchi accepted the money from the other couple, smiling. "Please visit us again."

Kai hummed at the appropriate time.

"Fine," he nodded. "I'll tell you guys."

Kushina and Mikoto instantly straightened, appearing attentive.

"First, you should know I'm not tooting my horn when I say I'm fucking talented and hard-working."

Sure, the words bristled Mikoto and Kushina since they had envied the youth despite their other advantages. They wouldn't have felt jealous if the benefits from their clans could hold a massive advantage in one area. Kai trumped over them in Taijutsu and Iryo-Ninjutsu. His affinity with Bukijutsu was off the charts as Mikoto and Kushina specialized in kunai/shuriken and tanto/chokuto. However, Kai did all that AND war-sickles and senbons. Sure, the Clan Elders began teaching her more intricate details about Genjutsu. But Mikoto held this ominous thought in her chest that it was only a matter of time before Kai overshadowed her in that regard, too, much less Ninjutsu. The only thing the duo seemed to hold over Kai was their chakra reserves and the range of their sensory ability.

They collectively sighed as Kai continued. "But my identity is unique. I didn't help myself by prattling about forming a harem—"

"Yeah, we all heard," Asame interjected blandly.

"Eh, you should be lucky Teuchi-san isn't like me. He'd make a lot of women happy with his cooking."

Teuchi snickered at the surprising compliment while Asame pouted. "Hey. Don't compare my Teuchi to…" The brunette glanced at the quiet Kushina before clearing her throat. "Bah! Whatever! All you brats are lecherous!"

"Oi!" Kushina yelped.

"I'm so not!" Mikoto huffed before recalling something and lowering her head.

"Pretty accurate assessment," Kai nodded, slurping his ramen bowl.

"As I was saying," Kai reignited the conversation. "Those elders probably took one look at me and only saw a stupid kid eager to spread his offspring."

"Pretty accurate assessment," Asame jabbed with a smirk as Kai giggled. "I know, right?"

"But why should I fuck for their whims? They are nothing but a bunch of has-beens that couldn't make the cut to become a Kage and settled to be the Elders."

His words instantly shocked the four pairs of ears as he continued with a cheeky smile.

"It was better to let them know I didn't care about their authority before they began forming all sorts of schemes around me AND you guys. They might have become civilians without official ties to their clans to provide fair and unbiased suggestions to Lord Third, but who knows what they do behind closed doors. For instance, I…" Kai observed everyone's expression before shrugging. "—train behind closed doors."

"Give me a break," Mikoto scoffed.

"Did you think we forgot what you told us in the academy?" Kushina snorted.

"Oh? What did he say?" Asame inquired curiously as Teuchi calmly pushed a stove in her hand. "Prepare more stock." He looked at her with a sober expression. The couple might be friends with the trio, but it wasn't appropriate to engage in this conversation.

Asame sighed and did as instructed.

Meanwhile, Mikoto and Kushina understood the point to varying extents.

"We might become chunins, remember?" Kai smiled. "Our existence will hold more weight. Anything we do would become more prominent. Heck, I might need to up my game and target a few jonins or that Yuka."

"Please don't do that," Mikoto groaned. She couldn't help but imagine a group of stubborn Hyuga members chasing them.

"I don't like that skank," Kushina muttered with a surprising curse as she could imagine the same, but with the group having way more females… after all, who wouldn't want a Kai? Besides, Yuka approached Kai, and he would have that stupid smile on his face whenever he spoke of Yuka.

"The point is," Kai clarified. "These Elders have nothing to do BUT scheme. They don't have other responsibilities and no longer spend their time training. We all need something to do, right? You can say politics is their way to pass the time."

"What about Granny?" Kushina blinked. "She's also an Elder, right?"

Kai grew quiet. Well, he now knew how Mito passed her time…

Boy!

Planning her death, sneaking around and acting as an Onahole, creating a whole different breed of rejuvenation Jutsu, and almost stowing a fucking nuke on Kushina was one HELL OF A WAY TO PASS HER TIME!

"Uh…" Even Kai's THICK skin twitched as he muttered. "Mito-sama's probably too old for that."

'But apparently not my nut…'

Kai resisted the urge to harden under the counter.

As they say—there's always a mountain beyond a peak.

Kai might have been shameless… but Mito redefined the term into a whole different realm, molding it to her wishes before…

The admiring hobgoblin gulped to wet his dry throat as the recollection of deeds he 'trained' Mito with flashed by his gaze. Sure, he was pissed at Mito before. But how could the 'kind' and 'tolerable' Kai retain that anger? Still, Mito being more of a pervert than him was equally arousing and… somewhat concerning…

'C-could I ask Mito-sama to be in my harem?'

Kai didn't feel ashamed to admit it wasn't the first time he thought about it.

The possibility existed… so why wouldn't Kai reach for the stars?

Hell! He might fucking explode due to the nuke within Mito. But it hadn't been a problem till now.

'We'll be leaving tomorrow morning anyway…. It wouldn't hurt to try.'

Sure, everyone was mourning the Uzumaki clan's loss. But fuck it. Even Kai didn't have assurances he would return alive from the mission—he might as well try it.

***

Alternative Title: Everyone: Worried For Kushina (Kushina: Suffering From Success); The Promotion Talk; Learning The Best Of Things From Tsunade; Nobody Better Try Drugging Kai; Kai: My Hands Will Remain Rated O for Orphans And E For Everyone; The Blunt Politics; Taking a Personal Stand; Other MCs: Plays Along (Kai: I Cordially Invite You To Suckle On Mine Nuts); Kai Burning Elders Left and Right; Tsunade: I Think I Taught Him Well; Additional Nono Yakushi; A New Teammate?; Curious Kai; A New Mission; Disrespect At Its Peak; Teaching The Team; Kai Sensei Is Here; Astute Awareness; Outclasses Girls; Mindful Teuchi; Playful Asame; Kushina's Low-Key Scary; Kushina and Eris: Shake Hands in Being Rabid Against Their 'Friend's' Opps; The Ramen Routine; Explaining Politics; Empty Mind Houses the Devil; Skank?; Mikoto and Kushina's Imaginations; Mikoto Has Something To Hide; Perfect Assessment; Mito Even Has Kai Concerned; Top Dog Indeed; Mito Is a Whole Different Breed; Mito In Previous FGN: Dies, Bissects Kyubi, Leaves One Half For Kushina, Plays With Yonbi, Destroys The Cycle And Partially Revives Kaguya; Refuses To Elaborate; Masturbates Under The Sea; Mito In Current FGN: Stopped By The Fucking Plot; Mito Is Too Horny To Be Left a Widow; How Mito Passes Time; Kai's Bold Thoughts

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