The SSS class adventurer is a divine cleric

Kaelen reappeared in the tavern cellar with a pop of displaced air, Johny clinging to his arm like an overexcited squirrel and little Mita dangling from his other hand, blinking sleepily at her sudden change of scenery.

Johny gasped, eyes wide as saucers. "WHOAAAA! That was awesome! Are we wizards now? Can I do that? Can I.."

Kaelen smirked. "No. Better than wizards, we are awakens."

Mita, still half-asleep, rubbed her eyes and squinted at the glowing mushrooms arranged in Derek's teleportation circle. "...Why's the floor sparkly?"

Kaelen sighed, adjusting his grip on the two kids before turning to Derek. "Alright, old man, how far's this magic array taking us? Are we hopping to the next town over, or are we yeeting ourselves straight into another dimension?"

Derek, who was currently double-checking the array's runes and trying very hard not to laugh at Kaelen's sudden parenthood, smirked. "Far enough that Duke Elrath's goons won't find us. Close enough that we won't accidentally land in a dragon's nest."

Johny gasped. "WAIT. CAN WE LAND IN A DRAGON'S NEST?!"

"No," Derek, and Alira said in unison.

Kaelen, however, held up a finger. "Then hold up for a minute."

Before anyone could protest, he <blinked> out of existence.

Silence.

Mita, still drowsy, mumbled, "...Did he just leave us?"

Johny muttered. "Hope he trips."

Neal and Alira exchanged glances. Derek rubbed his temples.

Then, <blink>, Kaelen was back, adjusting his pants with the kind of grin that could blind a lesser man. The kind of grin that made the sun itself reconsider its career choices.

Something was very wrong.

No one asked.

No one wanted to ask.

Neal, ever the optimist, crouched down to Mita's eye level. "Don't worry, kiddo. We're just going somewhere safe. You'll like it."

Mita stared at him, unimpressed. "...Is there food there?"

"Yes," Neal promised.

"Good," she declared, then immediately went back to leaning against Kaelen's leg, clearly done with this whole "being awake" nonsense.

Johny, meanwhile, was vibrating with excitement. "Are we gonna live in a secret hideout Now? With trapdoors and hidden passages and.. "

Kaelen groaned. "Kid, we're running for our lives, not starting a bedtime adventure story."

"Same thing!" Johny declared, grinning.

Derek clapped his hands together. "Alright, everyone in the circle. Unless you want to be left behind when Duke Elrath's men kick down the door."

That got them moving.

As the teleportation array flared to life, bathing the cellar in an eerie blue glow, Kaelen muttered under his breath, "I can't believe I went back for these gremlins."

Johny, overhearing, beamed up at him. "You love us!"

Kaelen opened his mouth to deny it.and then the world dissolved into light.

The teleportation circle hummed with energy, its runes pulsing like a heartbeat as the group prepared to vanish into the unknown.

Five Hours Later

The door of the Ashen Boar Tavern burst open with a CRACK as Duke Elrath's men stormed inside, weapons drawn, sweat beading on their brows.

"WHERE ARE THEY?!" the lead soldier bellowed, voice cracking mid-rage.

Silence answered.

The tavern was deserted. Not a soul in sight. Not a scrap of bread left behind. Just dust, a few overturned chairs, and the lingering scent of Derek's "Emergency Escape Mushrooms."

The soldiers exchanged nervous glances. If they returned empty-handed, Duke Elrath would have their heads on decorative pikes.

Then, one of them spotted it.

A Gold-Rank Box, sitting innocently on the bar counter.

Three-fold array locks shimmered across its surface, pulsing with restrained power.

The lead soldier exhaled in shaky relief. "They… left it?"

His companion gulped. "Do we… open it?"

"ARE YOU INSANE?!" the first snapped. "You saw what happened to the last guy who messed with a locked magic box! A tragic incident involving an explosion and several missing fingers. And on top of that can you undo the arrays."

"No. I can't"

"Then stop spouting nonsense and get moving."

Hands trembling, they carefully lifted the box, treating it like a live bomb.

"The Duke will be pleased," one muttered, though he sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

And with that, they scurried out, clutching their prize, blissfully unaware of the true horror that awaited Duke Elrath when he opened it.

The soldiers shuffled into Duke Elrath's grand hall, their armor clanking nervously as they presented the gold-rank box with trembling hands. The Duke lounged on his pale gold throne, a smug grin spreading across his face as he eyed the prize.

"Ah!" he boomed, stroking his perfectly oiled beard. "So even those tavern rats knew better than to cross me! They didn't even beg for XPs, just fled like whipped dogs and left their precious recipe behind!"

His courtiers chuckled sycophantically, though a few of the smarter ones exchanged uneasy glances. Something about this felt… off.

"You there!" Elrath snapped at one of his court mages, a thin, balding man who flinched like a startled rabbit. "Open it. Now."

The mage swallowed hard, sweat already beading on his brow as he approached the box. The three-fold arrays pulsed ominously under his fingertips.

The Unlocking Ordeal.

First Array: The mage muttered incantations, his hands shaking as he peeled back the first layer. His nose wrinkled, why did he suddenly have a very bad feeling?

Second Array: His fingers slipped twice, and the Duke's impatient glare made his bladder threaten mutiny. The runes flared red, resisting him.

Third Array: After what felt like an eternity and two hushed prayers to forgotten gods, the final lock clicked open.

The mage exhaled in relief, bowing as he presented the now-unsealed box to the Duke. "M-my lord… it is done."

Elrath smirked, leaning forward with greedy anticipation. "At last. The legendary Wrymleaf's Dish recipe shall be… "

Then.

FWOOMPH.

The box erupted like a festival firework, except instead of sparks, it was a geyser of fresh, liquified sewage, blasting straight into the Duke's horrified face.

The smell instantly filled the hall.

The first array had trapped the stench inside.

The second array had kept it warm and fresh.

The third array? That was the "surprise delivery" mechanism to keep both the arrays active for a while then explode when someone opened the box.