The TS Memoir of a Misogynistic Novelist

Naturally, Muk Ha-neul’s suggestion was one that held no value for consideration. I made a face as if to say, “What nonsense is that?”

“You said I shouldn’t go out. The public sentiment isn’t very good right now.”

When I presented the facts, Muk Ha-neul responded with a slightly less assertive but still determined demeanor.

“W-Well, that may be true! But come on, surviving for several days in just one outfit isn’t really acceptable! Delivery won’t come right away! I don’t even have underwear! Can’t I just wear that hat when I go out? Plus, my hair is cut short now, so it won’t even show that much!”

Certainly, Muk Ha-neul had a point. Living with just one outfit until the delivery arrived was undeniably uncomfortable. In fact, I hadn’t really been concerned about it, but her words suddenly made me acutely aware of it.

Previously, I had to carefully tuck my long hair into my hat to avoid it spilling out, but now that my hair was cut, that wasn’t necessary.

Yet, no matter how I thought about it, it didn’t seem urgent enough to take such risks. My honest feelings were that I didn’t want to take unnecessary chances.

“I get your point, but it still doesn’t seem right. The National Intelligence Service isn’t foolish enough to tell me not to go out for no reason.”

“So that means we’re just buying clothes from a shopping mall…?”

“And what if we do?”

“Then do you know your size, senior?”

“Well, of course….”

I didn’t know. Of course, my size had been measured while I was in the hospital, but I hadn’t actually been told what it was. Or perhaps I had forgotten it after hearing it.

“How can you buy anything if you don’t even know your size?”

“…I can just guess it pretty well.”

“You can’t just buy clothes anyhow during your growth phase. You need to wear clothes that fit properly, or else it can affect your growth. Don’t you want to grow taller?”

Ha, to think I’d have to hear about growth at my age. But it was true that my small height was inconvenient. Still, would it really be the case that wearing an incorrect size would hinder my growth? I didn’t know much about this growth phase, so I couldn’t tell if Muk Ha-neul was right or wrong.

“Well, that might be the case.”

“Also, you keep saying you’ll buy things online. Have you decided where you’ll purchase them from?”

“No.”

“Be honest, you don’t know much about this, do you?”

“How would I know where to buy girls’ clothes? If I did, that’d be a crime. Can’t you just buy clothes anywhere?”

“This is why I’m asking you to go out and buy clothes. How can you buy clothes when you don’t even know that stuff?”

It didn’t seem weird to me that I wasn’t interested in those kinds of things. I was originally a man. I wasn’t someone who fussed over such details like a girl would.

“Nowadays, even men care about fashion. Don’t assume that just because you don’t, all men are like that.”

“…That’s a lie.”

“Isn’t Hwa-won really fashionable? He has a lot of popularity.”

Hwa-won is fashionable? Then again, it would be odd not to dress well to maintain that level of popularity. Thinking back, he did use some strange cosmetics and wore nice clothes.

“Still, he is he, and I am I.”

“Senior, it’s not that just because you turned into a girl, you have to dress up. Whether you like it or not, you’ve become a woman now, and as you navigate through society, there will inevitably be times when you’ll have to interact with other women. At those times, appearance is a weapon. Going out without being dressed up is like going to battle without any weapons. Senior, think about it. Being overlooked by other women and treated as if you don’t exist, doesn’t that feel bad? Women instinctively regard those kinds of people as below them. Can you tolerate it if another woman treats you like a subordinate?”

Muk Ha-neul’s passionate speech was unpleasant. From telling me I had to live as a woman to the materialistic idea of using appearance as a weapon, it was all distasteful. However, the latter portion was somewhat reasonable. I had no intention of adhering to the rules or disciplines among women, but I couldn’t stand being seen as weak and insignificant by other women.

But,

“What does that have to do with me going out now?”

“Um… if you get the first button right, you’ll be able to dress well moving forward, right?”

No matter how I thought about it, simply not going out now wouldn’t lead to such a situation. I wasn’t the kind of person who would fall for such foolish tricks.

“Stop trying to charm me with strange words.”

“If I charm you, will you reciprocate?”

“No.”

“That’s too much.”

What could I say? It felt like Muk Ha-neul, who used to regard me a little awkwardly, was treating me very casually today. The reason… was it really this appearance? People are inherently greatly influenced by outward appearances. It wasn’t strange, but it was slightly unpleasant. But saying I wanted her to fear me like before would be a ridiculous statement that I wouldn’t voice.

“And it’s not like you can’t tell me some sites to check out?”

“I don’t know any sites for buying kids’ clothes! Not like I have a kid.”

“I’m not a kid.”

I sighed deeply. Though I was a bit doubtful of Muk Ha-neul’s words, she was quite tall for a girl. So it wasn’t too strange if she didn’t know about that. Or was it?

“Um… did I upset you?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry. Maybe I got a bit carried away.”

Could my sigh have hinted at something? Muk Ha-neul apologized. She seemed a bit more like the Muk Ha-neul I used to know.

“Regardless, I still want you to go out and buy clothes. Even if you order today, delivery will take at least two days. If you received those clothes yesterday, it means you’d have to wear them for four days straight. With this hot summer weather, that’s really uncomfortable. Not to mention the underwear.”

Stopping the teasing, Muk Ha-neul’s serious words were honestly a bit persuasive. I had already worn the same clothes after showering yesterday. Considering that it was summer, it was undeniably uncomfortable behavior. She wanted me to repeat that for another two days?

I felt a bit swayed.

“This isn’t just a question of being a boy or a girl. It’s more about basic human hygiene. Just shut your eyes and go out for today. Today is Thursday, so there won’t be many people at the mall.”

My heart leaned a little more. In the end, I decided to slightly compromise.

“Either way, it’s not like there’s anything special out there. Let’s just go out quickly, buy something from Uniqlo, and come back.”

“If we’re going out, let’s go to the shopping mall. You can’t measure sizes at Uniqlo.”

“I’m short on cash, so I can’t afford anything expensive. Uniqlo is my limit.”

Naturally, I was currently in a tight spot financially due to the hospital bills. Although the money I received as compensation for the by-products from my body was quite big, it wasn’t enough to prevent me from spending my entire fortune on hospital expenses. Nonetheless, considering the money I had to keep paying, I absolutely had to cut back.

“Then I’ll treat you today.”

So, it wasn’t strange that my mood boosted with that statement.

“Why would you?”

“But what about you, senior?”

You always treated me to coffee.

“Well, it’s just a small payback.”

~

Of course, I knew that the total amount of coffee I had treated would hardly compare to even the cost of normal clothes. Yet, ultimately, I accepted Muk Ha-neul’s proposal because I felt a little guilty.

I promised Muk Ha-neul. We would go see a play together.

I didn’t quite understand why I had made plans like that with a girl, but a promise was a promise. Was it because Muk Ha-neul was different from other girls? Or was it that I felt something different from her? Perhaps that day was when I lost my mind a little.

In any case, I made a promise with Muk Ha-neul, and I ultimately couldn’t keep that promise.

I wasn’t sure if I went to see the play alone. The ticket’s expiration had probably already passed.

So this was somewhat of an apology. I was a person who understood courtesy and could engage in such an act of apology.

An apology for breaking my promise with Muk Ha-neul.

So perhaps this might turn into a sort of date.

But I should have realized then.

Why Muk Ha-neul wanted so badly to bring me out.

Why she approached me right after I had just been discharged from the hospital and wanted me to go outside in such a dangerous way.

Without any preparation, I simply grabbed a hat and headed straight for the front door. I stepped outside first, but Muk Ha-neul was a bit delayed.

When I opened the door again, she was furiously tapping her smartphone as if she was sending a message to someone.

“Why aren’t you here yet?”

“Ah, I’m sorry. I’m done now. I’ll come.”

“Who are you texting?”

“Just… someone I know.”

Muk Ha-neul smiled brightly.

She looked happy.

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