Chapter 34: Ch 34 : Helplessly leave
According to what Shu Guang said today, if I want to get Shen Feng and the others out before Li Jianguo and his group find out I'm missing, they should be here soon.
I opened the door to the mall and walked in.
Looking at the empty mall, the floor was in disarray, and walking inside, I could hear the lonely echo.
One of the things I used to dislike the most was having to squeeze through crowds when shopping in the mall.
Shouting back and forth, my throat would often feel sore, and the mall would be filled with noisy complaints like "Can you stop squeezing?" and "Hey! Watch where you're stepping!"
Whenever that happened, I would imagine how nice it would be if I were the only one in the mall, leisurely strolling around without a care.
But now, standing alone in this desolate mall, I felt an indescribable sense of dejection and loneliness.
To be honest, ever since I escaped from the school, I had been surrounded by a sense of unknown joy, and that joy gave me strong psychological support.
But now, standing in the mall, that joy had completely vanished.
All that was left was a deep sense of helplessness.
Through the mall's glass, I glanced outside and saw a few walkers wandering aimlessly, not sure when they had arrived.
I gathered my focus and began wandering around the mall, hoping to find something useful.
These tasks had become second nature to me.
Pushing the cart, I moved between rows of shelves, many of which still had scattered items.
I made sure to sweep everything into the cart without leaving anything behind.
The idea of leaving some things behind for others, as a way to offer them a chance to survive, was completely forgotten.
Ensuring my own survival came first, and only then would I have time to think about the lives of others.
Right now, I couldn't even be sure of my own life, so I didn't have the energy to care about anyone else.
As I passed one shelf, I was pleasantly surprised to find several boxes of chocolate.
Taking a closer look, I couldn't believe it—Dove chocolate!
Chocolate is a great thing, a top-tier energy booster.
How stupid are the people who came here to scavenge and didn't even think to grab something like this?
But then I thought… We came here so many times and never considered chocolate either.
I subconsciously always saw it as a snack, never thinking of it as something to fill my stomach.
I couldn't help but mock myself a bit.
If it weren't for being pushed to this point, would I even have thought of eating chocolate?
I'm just as bad as those people—no need to laugh at others for their mistakes when I'm doing the same thing.
It's the pot calling the kettle black.
I put the chocolate in the cart and then went to the household goods section to grab some good-quality toilet paper.
You never know when it might come in handy as bandages.
Plus...
We are, after all, people who've lived in a civilized world for over 20 years.
Cleanliness after using the bathroom is still necessary.
After grabbing a few more items, I ran to the second floor to the only store that sold backpacks and picked up a fairly large hiking backpack.
As I was walking downstairs with the hiking bag, my eyes scanned the room…
And through the mirror of a clothing store, I saw my own reflection.
Standing still, I didn't dare to get closer to the mirror to take a good look.
From a distance, my hair was in a crooked ponytail at the back of my head, my white down jacket was dull and covered in dark, dried bloodstains, heavy dark circles under my eyes, and a pale face…
Oh my God.
What kind of image is this?
I grinned at the mirror and tilted my head…
Yeah, this is exactly how the walkers look.
I put the backpack on my back and from that distance, quickly fixed my hair.
I tied it up tightly into a high ponytail and flipped it behind me.
At least I looked a little more energetic now.
As for the clothes, I scanned the store.
When the chaos first broke out, the weather wasn't cold yet, and there were no thick clothes hanging in these shops.
I looked down at my dirty down jacket.
Yeah, it was pretty messy.
Well, I'll just change it when I get the chance.
Everyone has the desire to look good, no matter who you are, it's not about appearance.
We all want to look a bit more spirited.
I glanced back at the empty mall and couldn't help but sigh.
Even if it's the end of the world, I still hope my life doesn't have to be so miserable.
Feeling down, I went downstairs, stuffed everything I found into the backpack, and put it on.
Finally, I yanked down a large stack of plastic bags from the cashier counter.
I didn't know what they would be useful for, but I had a feeling they might come in handy later.
After packing the plastic bags, I curled up behind the counter, waiting for Shen Feng and the others to arrive.
Sitting on the ground, leaning against the counter, the surroundings were very quiet.
Slowly, drowsiness crept in.
In a daze, I seemed to hear the sound of a car engine.
Engine... engine?!
My previously hazy thoughts immediately cleared up.
I opened my eyes, rolled off the ground, and jumped up.
It must be Shen Feng and the others arriving!
In my excitement, I forgot about the injury on my arm.
My movements were too quick, and the wound was sharply tugged.
The pain, which had been a dull ache, suddenly shot through me in a burst of intense, sharp pain.
I couldn't help but gasp, turning my face, unwilling to move my arm any further.
Through the glass, I looked outside, and sure enough, it was the car that Shen Feng and Shen Xue used to drive.
At that moment, Shen Feng had just opened the driver's side door and got out.
How come I never realized before that Shen Feng was actually so handsome!
Fighting through the pain in my arm, I hurriedly ran toward the door.
I pushed open the glass door with my shoulder, and from a distance, Shen Xue, who had just gotten out of the car, saw me and waved excitedly.
Although I had been wandering alone for the whole morning, seeing them again now, I was still so excited that I didn't know what to do.
I ran toward them quickly, but in my haste, I accidentally tugged at my wound...
What they saw when I stopped was me, excitedly running toward them, showing a wild expression of both crying and laughing.
"Auntie... what happened to you?" Zheng Rongrong, who was sitting in the front passenger seat, held by Yangyang, looked at me with a confused expression.
"No... nothing..." I swallowed, then bit my lip tightly, hoping the pain from the wound would subside a little.
"Sis, does your wound hurt a lot?" Yangyang jumped out of the car and ran over to ask.
"It's okay, it's not that painful," I forced a smile and patted his head with my uninjured hand.
Yangyang seemed to have grown taller.
"Stop it, with your face looking like that, and you're still saying it doesn't hurt? Anyone who believes you is a fool," Jun Di also jumped out of the back seat, speaking in a thick Sichuan accent, which made me want to laugh, but also felt really heartwarming.
It feels so good to have someone with me, someone who cares.
"Chen Yang..." Shen Feng, who had been scanning the surroundings, pointed at the electric scooter outside the door and asked me, a bit incredulously, "Did you come here riding that?"
"Yeah," I nodded, following his gaze toward the electric scooter.
It's such a great vehicle! It saved me so much trouble.
I lifted my eyes and saw a pharmacy not far ahead.
Suddenly, I thought of something and quickly turned back to look at the car.
Sure enough...
"Shu Guang didn't come with you?"
Shen Feng shook his head and said, "No, just the few of us."
Then, as if recalling something, he took a neatly folded piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to me.
"What is this?" I took it suspiciously.
"When we set off, Shu Guang asked me to give it to you."
I opened the paper and found that the front side was an instructional leaflet for some medicine.
Turning it over, a dense line of neatly arranged words appeared:
"Chen Yang, forgive me for not having the courage to leave with you.
The outside world is incredibly dangerous.
I'm not as brave as you, able to quickly accept and integrate.
I'm not like you; I'm a complete coward.
I'm not afraid of the slow-moving walkers, nor am I afraid of killing and bloodshed.
But I am afraid of being alone, of drifting aimlessly.
That endless, helpless feeling— I don't think I can bear it.
What I said that day on the rooftop wasn't a joke, nor was it a lie.
You are very beautiful, really beautiful.
I think if time could go on longer, I would fall in love with you, deeply.
I'm worried and uneasy about you leaving here.
I'm afraid you'll get hurt, afraid that you…
But staying here would only make you more miserable and suffering.
Those people can't protect you.
Even if Li Jianguo won't do anything to you in the future, I still hope you can leave.
I don't want to see you risk your fragile body for the survival of so many people.
Suo Tian is an exceptional person.
I can't compete with him.
The day I watched him leave, I felt more relieved, because that way, I have a better chance of having you.
Yes, I saw it the night Suo Tian left.
There were a few cars waiting for him outside.
I watched him get in.
Forgive me for selfishly hiding this from you, but I don't think you'll come back to deal with me because of it (laughs).
Lastly, a reminder: whether you go look for Suo Tian or not, I don't think he's as simple as he appears.
Chen Yang, you're a smart person, you understand what I mean.
We probably won't meet again. Take care of your wound.
Your friend, Shu Guang."
After reading the last word, I sniffed, then looked up at Shen Feng.
"How did you guys get out?"
"Sister Sun let us go. When Li Jianguo found out you were gone, he initially disagreed with us leaving. But Sister Sun stopped him, and I don't know what she said to Li Jianguo, but he angrily turned and walked away, leaving the matter unresolved."
"And... what about Shu Guang?" I hesitated to ask.
Shu Guang let me go, but would Li Jianguo let him off so easily?
"Don't worry, he's fine. He's the only doctor among so many people. Li Jianguo won't really do anything to him. People who monopolize power usually have privileges," Yin Shangtang said with a grin.
Seeing that I didn't say anything, Shen Feng continued, "What did he say to you?"
"Nothing much, just some farewell words," I instinctively hid the matter about Suo Tian.
I was worried that if they found out, they might become wary and suspicious of Suo Tian.
"Alright! Stop thinking about all that. We're out now. I've got the warehouse key. Let's go in, grab some supplies, and head out!"
Shen Feng patted me on the shoulder and didn't ask any more questions.
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