They Mistook my Meow as a Dao

It began with a gilded scroll sealed in phoenix wax and surrounded by a flock of singing birds.

Azure Cloud Sect's courtyard fell silent as a celestial messenger dropped it dramatically on the lotus table.

Xi-Xi read it aloud:

"To All Esteemed Sects and Respected Beast Companions,

The Heavenly Realms are proud to host the First Annual Celestial Pet Exhibition & Spirit Beast Showcase!

Witness competitions of grace, strength, cuteness, obedience (optional), and divine aura!"**

The scroll glittered and added:

"Winner receives 9,000 years' worth of fish jerky, a golden collar, and a floating palace island."

Ruan Fei: "We're not going."

Xi-Xi: "We're absolutely going."

Whiskers: snooze.

Xi-Xi created a pitch board.

"Reasons to Attend" included:

Eternal fish jerky

Public adoration

Potential to nap in a floating palace

The chance to outshine arrogant peacocks from the South Wind Sect

She ended the pitch with a dramatic:

"Master Whiskers, imagine: a golden trophy... shaped like a nap."

Whiskers blinked.

Then turned around, walked into a basket, and curled up.

Decision: No.

And despite the refusal, they still went. Technically, Whiskers went against his will, carried in Ruan Fei's arms like a divine, furry hostage.

He yowled once.

A comet cracked in half.

They told no one.

It was... absurd.

The Celestial Pet Arena was larger than most mortal kingdoms.

Participants included:

1. A white jade tiger who recited poetry

2. A peacock spirit who sparkled and whispered seduction haikus

3. A flaming cloud serpent in a sequin harness

4. A three-eyed fox with a crown and personal fan club

Each was introduced with fireworks, divine titles, and brag sheets.

Whiskers was introduced by silence, because he'd vanished, causing the judges to panicked.

One whispered, "He's the guest of honor! He's the chaos factor!"

Another cried, "He's under Rule 14—Unwilling Participants Are Still Eligible!"

Meanwhile:

Whiskers had wandered off.

• Climbed onto the emperor's throne.

• Knocked over two priceless urns.

• Took a nap inside the divine harp.

• Accidentally crushed a contestant's entry paperwork with his paw.

That contestant later wept and declared, "It was an honor to be erased."

Peacock dances gracefully. Tiger bounds through illusion rings. Serpent flies upside down while juggling sparks.

Whiskers?

He sat on the finish line.

Everyone tripped over him.

Judges awarded him style points for stillness under pressure. The fox howled, the air shimmered, and minor gods wept.

Whiskers yawned. A visible pulse of Dao rolled across the arena.

A phoenix chick attained enlightenment and the cloud cried.

He won.

Cutest Moment Contest:

The contestants posed. The peacock sparkled and the fox did backflips.

The serpent summoned a rain of glittering feathers.

Whiskers sneezed and an immortal fainted.

And by midday:

1. Three immortal painters had begun live-etching his every blink.

2. A cult formed in the stands: The Paw of Truth.

3. Someone wrote an epic poem titled "Meow of a Thousand Suns."

Whiskers was last seen sleeping inside the winning trophy.

The judges tried to announce a tie. The heavens rumbled and a single, resonant "Mrrrp" echoed across the sky.

All other entries gracefully conceded.

The tiger bowed. The serpent laid an offering of shrimp and the fox fell in love and tried to propose.

Whiskers bit him gently and walked away.

-----------

Whiskers won:

• 9,000 years of fish jerky

• A floating palace (which he ignored)

• The golden collar (which he used as a toy)

Ruan Fei carried him home while fending off suitors and fishcake ambassadors.

Xi-Xi framed the trophy and built a shrine for it.

Whiskers?

He returned to his moss pillow while eating one piece of divine jerky and napped for three days.

Selected Judge Comments:

✎ "His refusal to care is an art form."

✎ "He radiates contempt and grace in equal measure."

✎ "What even is… divinity in fur?"