Wake Up As Ozpin

Ruby Rose sat frozen, half a cookie still in her hand. Her brain was clearly struggling to process the words that had just left his mouth.

He waited, sipping his tea with a calm that was entirely manufactured.

"...What?"

"You heard me, Miss Rose." He placed his cup down, fingers laced together like he actually had a grand plan. "I would like to offer you early admission to Beacon Academy."

Ruby's grip on her cookie tightened. "I—Really?! But—but I'm only fifteen! And I haven't even finished Signal! And—and aren't there rules against this?"

He inclined his head. "Normally, yes. However, exceptions can be made for students who display extraordinary talent."

"And… I do?"

"You managed to hold your own against a group of professional criminals." He smiled. "I'd say that qualifies."

Ruby practically vibrated in her seat, excitement breaking through her earlier nervousness. "Oh my gosh! Does that mean I get to go to school with Yang? Oh, wait, does that mean I have to, like, talk to people? What if they don't like me? What if I trip on my first day? Oh no, what if I trip while talking to people—"

"Miss Rose," Glynda cut in, her patience clearly thinning. "Are you accepting the offer or not?"

Ruby immediately sat up straight. "YES. Yes, absolutely, yes."

"Excellent." He leaned back, allowing himself the faintest exhale of relief. Crisis averted. Ruby is still on track. We're good. We're so good.

…And then Glynda handed him a folder.

"Here is the necessary paperwork for Miss Rose's early enrollment," she said, the ghost of a smirk playing at her lips.

The relief died a swift and brutal death.

Paperwork.

His greatest enemy.

The folder felt heavy in his hands, as if it contained the weight of his impending suffering.

He stared at it. Glynda stared at him. Ruby just happily swung her legs, completely unaware of the bureaucratic nightmare unfolding in his soul.

He flipped the folder open. Pages. So many pages. Terms, agreements, signatures, waivers—Dust help me, why is there so much legal jargon?!

He carefully adjusted his glasses. "Miss Rose, you will be required to sign a few documents before we proceed."

"Okay!"

She reached for the first page, but before he could hand her a pen, Glynda cleared her throat.

"Headmaster, there is also the matter of her academic schedule, team placement, housing arrangements—"

Kill me.

He kept his expression composed, even as his soul shriveled into dust.

"Yes, of course. We will finalize the details shortly," he said smoothly. "For now, I believe Miss Rose should be given time to prepare for her transition to Beacon."

Ruby's eyes sparkled. "I get to go to Beacon…"

He nodded, finally closing the folder of doom. "You do."

"And be a real Huntress-in-training…"

"Indeed."

She gasped. "I get to fight Grimm legally!"

That—wasn't the takeaway he wanted, but sure.

Glynda sighed. "We will send you the necessary information regarding your enrollment. Expect a message soon."

"Okay!" Ruby practically jumped out of her chair, grinning wide. "Thank you, Professor Ozpin! And you too, Miss Goodwitch!"

He simply inclined his head in what he hoped was a wise and enigmatic manner.

Ruby bounced to the door, practically floating. And then, just before stepping out, she paused.

"Hey, uh…" She rubbed the back of her head. "Do I actually have to call you Professor Ozpin?"

He blinked. "That is my title, yes."

"Yeah, but like… it's a little formal, don't you think?"

Glynda raised an eyebrow. "What else would you call him?"

Ruby tapped her chin, thinking. Then, with a small smirk—

"…Ozzie?"

Silence.

He kept his face blank. Glynda did not. Her mouth twitched, like she was physically restraining herself from reacting.

Ruby took his silence as permission. "Yeah! Ozzie! It's got a nice ring to it. Cool, thanks, see ya, Ozzie!"

And with that, she was gone.

A long, suffering exhale escaped him as he leaned back in his chair. Glynda, meanwhile, was looking at him with thinly veiled amusement.

"If you allow that to continue, I will lose all respect for you."

He rubbed his temples. "We will lose all respect for me."

She smirked.

He sighed. "…I am never getting out of this paperwork, am I?"

"No."

A pause.

"Would you like a cookie?"

Glynda turned and left without another word.

He stared at the stack of forms on his desk.

This was it. This was his real final boss.

He reached for his cup. "At least I have tea."

He took a sip.

Still too hot.