DC/Marvel: This Guy is Insane

As soon as he opened his eyes, Alan found a pair of them staring right back at him.

"Don't look at me like that. It's so embarrassing. Hehehe…"

Alan pulled the quilt over his head and let out a creepy, muffled laugh. A collective shiver ran down the spines of the assembled criminals. This newcomer had appeared in Arkham Asylum out of thin air, and his sudden arrival had, naturally, drawn everyone's attention. It was a strange and unnerving event, so they had all gathered around to see what was so special about him.

"That's not right," Alan said, throwing back the quilt. He glanced at the familiar faces crowding his bed—Two-Face, Scarecrow, Penguin, Riddler, Mad Hatter—and asked in confusion, "Why are you all in Arkham?" The only one who made any sense being there was Poison Ivy, whom he'd greeted before leaving this timeline.

"We came back on our own initiative," the Riddler, Edward Nygma, said frankly.

"You finally realized you're all mentally ill, so you turned yourselves in to accept treatment?" Alan had a gratified expression on his face, as if he were looking at a group of wayward children who had finally seen the light.

You're the one who's mentally ill. Your whole family is mentally ill. The unspoken thought rippled through the room.

"There are vampires everywhere outside," Poison Ivy explained. "We're here seeking refuge."

"Vampires?" Alan's voice trailed off, and the smile on his face grew brighter. "You mean the kind that suck… things?" he asked gratefully. "There are such indecent creatures in the world. Thank God I'm a man. They can't suck anything from me."

"…"

"They are vampires who bite people's necks to suck blood and cannot see the sun. What are you talking about?" Ivy explained again, her voice laced with helplessness.

"Oh, that kind of vampire." Alan couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. Everyone looked at him with disgust. What, exactly, are you disappointed about?

Through their conversation, Alan learned that Gotham City was in such a state of chaos that even the criminals didn't dare to wander the streets at night, for fear that a dark shadow would flash by and drag them into an alley. Many gang leaders had even pretended to be mentally ill or turned themselves in, hiding out in Arkham Asylum and Blackgate Prison. At least here, there were fully armed security forces to provide protection, so the vampires didn't dare launch a sneak attack.

"City Hall isn't doing anything about it?" Alan said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "If you have a problem, you call the police. Didn't your teachers teach you that in school?"

Everyone looked at him with disdain. They didn't need to think about why Gotham City had become a paradise for criminals. If a criminal called the police asking for protection, would they even bother to respond? Besides, when the vampires had first appeared in Gotham, both the underworld and the authorities had taken notice. The vampires hadn't wreaked havoc openly, but a large number of people had gone missing, and the entire police force was tied up searching for them.

Alan got up, slipped on his slippers, and said sentimentally, "What will Gotham do without me?"

Gotham seems to feel much more normal without you.

After changing into his exclusive battle suit, Alan grabbed his cape and spread his wings. "The Comedic Bat is back!"

A chorus of boos filled the room. Many of the criminals were too lazy to pay him any more attention and shuffled back to the activity room to kill time. No matter how chaotic Gotham became, Batman would ultimately take care of everything. They would just wait for the storm to subside before making their grand return to the stage.

Carrying his folding electric bike on his back, Alan climbed over the razor-wire fence. Taking advantage of the night, he rode toward the city.

In his office, Quincy Sharp watched Alan leave through the glass window and let out a quiet sigh of relief. He actually hoped Gotham would return to peace sooner. There were too many criminals in the asylum, and he was always worried they would cause trouble and cost him his life.

The once-bustling downtown Gotham had now become eerily deserted. The number of vehicles on the streets had decreased significantly, while police patrols had become much more frequent. Even though the city leaders tried to conceal the truth, the people sensed the crisis and were afraid to go out at night.

At this moment, Alan was pushing an electric bike along the road. "What a piece of junk, Bats. The battery ran out before I even made it to the city." He had been forced to push it the rest of the way on foot. In fact, it wasn't Bruce's fault; Alan had never bothered to charge it even once after he got it. The fact that he'd been riding it for a week straight showed that the battery technology was actually quite good.

"Handsome guy, all alone?"

As he passed an alley, a young woman in revealing clothes called out to him. Her hair was dyed in golden, wavy curls, and her tall breasts strained against her short sleeves.

"There are three of us." Alan raised his hands and introduced them. "My ex-girlfriend, Lefty, and my current girlfriend, Righty."

"…"

The woman was startled, thinking she might have encountered a lunatic. She pretended to be calm and said, "You're funny. You must be a fan of Batman, dressing like that."

Alan pushed the electric bike away, propped himself against the wall with one hand, struck a pose, and said coolly, "Batman? He's my little brother. I'm the real deal. My current style is the new 'Comedic Bat' skin. Isn't it cool?" As he spoke, he stroked the pointed ears of his cowl.

"Handsome, very handsome…" the woman said, her voice flat.

Alan approached her and said sternly, "Don't be afraid. I'm not a good person."

The woman took Alan's arm and said coquettishly, "Do you want to come in and play for a while? There are a lot of sisters here."

"Really!?" Alan's expression changed, and he said solemnly, "Ahem… helping others is my duty as the Comedic Bat."

"You're so sweet." The woman pulled Alan straight into the alley.

Passing through an iron gate and down a staircase, an open space suddenly appeared before their eyes. Men and women on the dance floor writhed and swayed to the deafening rhythm of the music.

"She's not a prostitute, she's a liquor salesperson." Alan looked disappointed.

Soon, he was led into a private room on the second floor.

Alan said awkwardly, "I don't have any money. I'll come back and support you another day."

"We're out here to have fun. Why talk about money?" The woman pushed Alan onto the sofa and consoled him. "This one's on me. Consider it making a new friend."

"Why didn't you say so earlier? You scared me." Alan sat down, spread his arms wide, crossed his legs, and said arrogantly, "Bring me the most expensive wine, and call in a few girls to help liven things up."

"…"

"You are really hard to figure out. Wait a moment. I'll call my sisters to come and keep you company."

Walking out of the private room, the woman licked her lips, her two fangs unconsciously sticking out. She couldn't wait to say, "Normal or not, let's have a good meal first."

A waiter brought over a few bottles of whiskey. Afterwards, several gorgeously dressed women walked into the room, looking at Alan with eyes that seemed to wish they could eat him alive.

"Handsome guy, let me offer you a glass of wine first."

Without exception, they were all vampires, but they belonged to the lowest level, transformed from mixed-bloods. Except for a longer lifespan, their abilities were no different from those of ordinary people. Therefore, when hunting, they either launched sneak attacks when their victims were off guard or got them drunk until they lost their resistance before sucking their blood.

Alan pushed the glass aside and said calmly, "You're all vampires."

For a moment, the atmosphere froze. The five female vampires looked at him with murder in their eyes.

He took off his mask, pulled at his collar to reveal his pale neck, and began to jump up and down excitedly. "Come and suck me! Come on, suck me! I'm very good at being sucked! You can suck me in one go!"

He must be crazy, they thought. So impatient to be sucked.

***

(End of Chapter)

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