Just A Friend

#25

The two entangled bodies rolled on the wet ground, but all the commotion was swallowed by the sound of the pouring rain. Without time to feel pain, Nam Seonwoo straddled Kang Jihan, who had fallen beneath him.

“Clench your teeth.”

Kang Jihan was in a terrible state. His cheek was swollen, his lips were bleeding from being bitten, and his hair was soaked from the rain. Despite his condition, his black eyes looking up at Nam Seonwoo remained unchanged.

Nam Seonwoo thought he knew everything about Kang Jihan, but at some point, he couldn’t understand the meaning behind those eyes anymore. Gritting his teeth, Nam Seonwoo threw a punch.

“Is this what you meant by checking? You crazy bastard!”

Kang Jihan just took the punches without resistance. This attitude made Nam Seonwoo even angrier. He grabbed Kang Jihan’s crumpled collar, pulling his head up.

“You know you deserved this, right? Answer me. Why are you suddenly acting like this?”

Kang Jihan’s tightly closed lips parted.

“You’ve been acting strange.”

Meeting Nam Seonwoo’s glare with an equally intense gaze, Kang Jihan spoke as if spitting out words.

“You suddenly left yesterday, ignored my text asking if you got home safely, and today you didn’t even look me in the eye. Not once.”

Surprisingly, Kang Jihan now looked wronged. Wronged? No, shouldn’t Nam Seonwoo be the one angry? He was the one who got a sudden kiss from a friend just because he kept his distance for a day.

With a resentful look in his eyes, Kang Jihan continued.

“When I asked why, you kept changing the subject, trying to run away. And tomorrow, damn it, you won’t even be coming to school.”

Nam Seonwoo asked incredulously,

“So you suddenly kissed me?”

He wanted to ask if Kang Jihan didn’t think that would make him run away more, but Kang Jihan frowned, seemingly disliking the expression “suddenly kissed.” Seeing that resentful expression, Nam Seonwoo finally seemed to grasp what Kang Jihan was trying to say. Of course, that didn’t mean he understood, but anyway, this wet-behind-the-ears kid was trying to say:

“Do you like me or something?”

He couldn’t help but sound skeptical. The idea of Kang Jihan liking him was not only strange, but there was also no premise leading up to it.

What have I done to make you like me? I’ve just been being a good friend to you.

Kang Jihan glared at Nam Seonwoo, as if that would make Nam Seonwoo’s disbelieving expression disappear. He asked back,

“Is that not allowed?”

Nam Seonwoo finally let out a dry laugh.

“You really…”

He’s not a child, well, he is a child, but still. Is this a “act first, think later” situation? The hand gripping Kang Jihan’s collar loosened, but Kang Jihan still held his head up stiffly.

“Let’s say I’m angry because of you. But why are you expressing your anger like this?”

Perhaps not a blockhead despite being young, Kang Jihan closed his mouth at those words.

“I don’t understand why I have to go through this just to confirm that you’re gay, but fine. Let’s say that’s been confirmed too. So what do you plan to do now?”

Kang Jihan seemed not to have thought that far. His tightly closed mouth couldn’t open, only squirming.

Nam Seonwoo stared quietly at Kang Jihan. As the calm gaze continued, as if telling him to think carefully and answer, the intense shine in those black eyes dimmed a bit.

“I don’t know.”

The voice that came out after a long while was drowned out by the sound of rain. It was an irresponsible answer, but Nam Seonwoo didn’t laugh dryly like before.

“What should I do?”

It was because of that face that seemed genuinely curious. It looked like he was trying to find the solution to a problem he got wrong, and Nam Seonwoo muttered with a sigh,

“Why are you asking me that…”

He wondered if he now had to teach this kind of thing too, beyond just helping with studies. Nam Seonwoo looked around for a moment. The reality of having this conversation with Kang Jihan in the middle of the school, getting soaked in the rain while leaving a perfectly good umbrella aside, felt as unreal as right after an accident.

Should he be thankful that no one had passed by despite this commotion? Thinking this, he gave an answer to this blockhead waiting for an explanation to his wrong answer.

“Whether you like a man or a woman, you shouldn’t force your feelings on someone like this.”

What a terrible experience for the other person. As he added that, an amusing thought crossed his mind. The words he was saying seemed to apply to his past self as well. There was no need to resent Kang Jihan for not reciprocating his feelings just because he had liked him.

‘I’m not one to talk.’

Right. As he said, it must have been a terrible experience for that guy. A high school classmate he thought was just a friend, and a guy at that, suddenly confessing his love. …And even starting with a kiss, just the same.

At least Kang Jihan didn’t respond with his fists like Nam Seonwoo did, so in a way, his patience was admirable, which made Nam Seonwoo chuckle.

Come to think of it, I wonder how ‘that’ Kang Jihan is doing.

Now that the boyfriend who was like a terrible experience was finally gone, he must have opened his clinic and had a bright future ahead. Suddenly, he felt truly glad that he had changed his emergency contact to Park Gyuhyeon. There was no need to give bad news to someone who was living well, and Park Gyuhyeon would cover for him well. He didn’t want to be a nuisance until the very end.

“Why are you laughing?”

As he lowered his gaze at the voice that interrupted his thoughts, he saw a youthful face unlike the one in his memories.

“It’s nothing.”

Just remembered someone. Nam Seonwoo added casually as he stood up. His uniform, soaked with rain and mud, was a mess from top to bottom. He was considering whether to help Kang Jihan up when—

“The person you said you dated for a long time.”

Kang Jihan opened his mouth.

“…What kind of person were they?”

It seemed like Kang Jihan had said something similar recently.

It started in the classroom. When Park Gyuhyeon was talking about nonsense like blind dates and ideal types, Kang Jihan had asked if he was still dating. And at Kang Jihan’s house, he had brought up the topic once more.

‘You said you had a long-term lover.’

‘Was the lover you dated… a man?’

Kang Jihan didn’t seem to want to dismiss his sleep-talking as nonsense. Just how much and how specifically had he sleep-talked? He wanted to beat up his past self.

He didn’t need to worry about Kang Jihan being disgusted and calling him gay. Kang Jihan had seen a kind of possibility. In that sleep-talk.

Kang Jihan, who had raised his upper body at some point, was looking up at Nam Seonwoo while sitting on the ground. Misunderstanding Nam Seonwoo’s silence, he abruptly asked,

“Do you still like that person?”

“Are you crazy?”

As if I’d still like you. Answering the latter part only in his mind, Nam Seonwoo picked up the tattered umbrella instead of offering his hand to Kang Jihan.

“What does it matter to you who I liked or dated? Just because my ex was a guy doesn’t mean I like you.”

He could have helped him up since he had hit him enough, but the other party was a high school student with an underdeveloped frontal lobe. It was better to refrain from giving unnecessary openings anymore. For now, the conversation up to this point had been a confession that wasn’t really a confession, and its rejection.

As expected, Kang Jihan stood up so normally that it was hard to believe he had just been beaten up. As Nam Seonwoo tried to pass by him, he heard a low voice.

“It’s not like there’s absolutely no possibility.”

It was close to a mutter to himself. So it took a moment to realize it was a response to his words.

…Was he always like this? The stubbornness he displayed was unfamiliar to the point of being disconcerting. Nam Seonwoo chose to ignore his words rather than correct them again.

“I won’t apologize for hitting you. You deserved it.”

He had walked a few steps when a voice came from behind, cutting through the endless sound of rain.

“See you tomorrow.”

What is there to see? Thankfully, tomorrow was the start of vacation. A vacation where he wouldn’t have to be in the same space as that burdensome guy.

As he walked away without responding, he heard Kang Jihan say something behind him. It sounded like “I’ll contact you” or something similar. Quickening his pace, Nam Seonwoo thought,

Do whatever you want. I’m going to ignore you anyway.

As soon as Nam Seonwoo got home, he turned on the cold water full blast.

After spending about an hour with his head under the showerhead, he felt like all the questions and emotional residue that kept popping up were being washed away. Feeling his mind considerably lighter, he turned off the water and started to feel a chill.

The face reflected in the mirror had returned to its usual calm state. Seeing the face that had been as red as a carrot until just now disappear, he felt somewhat relieved.

Sitting at his empty desk, Nam Seonwoo decided to organize his thoughts instead of opening a workbook. Starting with how things had ended up like this.

There were definitely differences from the past. One was that he had become close to Kang Jihan quite easily. But that wasn’t a problem. It was natural to become close without hesitation since he had approached him without any romantic feelings.

So he thought there wouldn’t be any issues, but why had strange signals appeared from Kang Jihan’s side?