Just A Friend

#26

Inviting him over, cooking for him, stubbornly insisting he had something to say, and generously allowing him to “lie on the bed” were behaviors Nam Seonwoo had never seen from the past Kang Jihan. It was always Seonwoo who did such things, while Jihan only gave minimal responses.

Even if one were to concede that such actions could be considered normal between close friends, the act of pressing their lips together was completely incomprehensible.

‘This guy… was he always like this?’

Thinking about it, it was strange how easily Jihan had accepted his confession in the past. Even if he was drunk, sleeping with another man and immediately agreeing to date were odd. He might have always had this inclination.

‘No, that’s not it.’

If that were the case, he wouldn’t have said things like needing to confirm something or being confused.

…Wait, but what did I do?!

Taking him to the hospital on a motorcycle? Helping him study during night classes? These were all things he could have done for Park Gyuhyeon too. He swore they were just friends, nothing more. He had no intention of appealing to Jihan in any way.

The first time he sensed something strange was yesterday, when he gave Jihan the ice cream. …Right, hadn’t he been overly conscious of Jihan? The atmosphere then was definitely somewhat peculiar.

‘Then when exactly…’

Seonwoo knew Jihan well. Jihan was the type who needed a considerable, very considerable amount of time to let someone become “his person”. But with the current Jihan, they had only spent one summer together.

“This is driving me crazy, really.”

Seonwoo banged his head on the desk. He wondered what was the point of figuring out when it started now. What mattered was from now on.

Jihan was a guy who didn’t have friends. Having an intimate relationship with another person must have been an unfamiliar experience for him. So he was confused. At this age, it was easy to mistake friendship for love.

Just then, the desk vibrated slightly. The vibration transmitted to his forehead made his head feel like it was ringing. When he barely turned his head to check his phone, he saw the name of the person who had caused all this trouble.

[Kang Jihan: You said you were going to the library.]

Seonwoo glared at the text. Even if he was going, he had no intention of going together, and he certainly had no intention of replying to this shameless guy. After glaring at the text Jihan had composed for several minutes, his eyes finally moved to the upper right corner. It was well past midnight.

“Haah…”

It had been a day of not only overcoming the big hurdle of final exams but also dealing with even more than that. Fatigue hit him belatedly. Like his increasingly heavy eyelids, the phone screen also dimmed one level. But as if to hold him back, the screen brightened again and vibrated once more.

[Kang Jihan: What workbooks are you taking?]

“This guy, to ask such a thing after doing that…”

Moreover, it was completely absurd that he assumed they would naturally study together. When Seonwoo closed the slide with a snap, the phone vibrated as if asking to be handled gently.

“…”

Seonwoo couldn’t understand why he couldn’t ignore that vibration and ended up opening the screen again. But his eyes read the message on their own.

[Kang Jihan: Are you asleep?]

At this message and timing, reminiscent of what an ex-girlfriend might send, he couldn’t even laugh sarcastically anymore.

‘…Well, he is an ex.’

Seonwoo shook his head vigorously at the stupid thought that had suddenly crossed his mind. Feeling like he might really stay up all night at this rate, he quickly turned off his phone.

Let’s just sleep on it and think about it tomorrow. With that thought, he closed his eyes, but in the blackness of his vision, the scene from earlier played out on its own.

‘Do you like me or something?’

‘Is that not allowed?’

No, it’s not allowed, you idiot. I don’t like you.

‘What should I do?’

What do you mean what should you do? I’m telling you I don’t like you.

Seonwoo, repeating this to himself as if affirming it, squeezed his eyes shut even tighter as if to block out unnecessary reminiscence. Although Jihan had become strange, that was his problem. Seonwoo had absolutely no intention of getting involved with Jihan as more than friends.

In any case, I just need to keep my head straight.

There was no need to get swept up in the actions of a wet-behind-the-ears kid who was confused about his feelings. Jihan’s behavior would be temporary.

Having reached this tentative conclusion, his turbulent mind felt a bit more organized. In the room where Jihan’s voice no longer played and the phone had fallen silent, Seonwoo’s breathing gradually slowed. He quickly fell asleep, leaning on the regular sound of rain pouring outside the window.

Tok, tok-

When he opened his eyes to the sound of rain hitting the window, it was quite dark outside. Due to the continuous monsoon rain, there was no sunlight, making it impossible to guess the time.

His back was stiff, probably from falling asleep hunched over the desk. It seemed he had slept for quite a long time. Seonwoo stared at the clock on the wall for a while before realizing he had been out for almost a day. It wasn’t that the sun hadn’t come out; it had already set.

Seonwoo unconsciously turned on his phone. His fingers tapped the screen impatiently, waiting for the slow boot-up. As soon as it turned on, messages poured in as if they had been waiting. There were contacts from Park Gyuhyeon and his parents, but the first and last sender of the messages accumulated over the day was the same person.

Seonwoo, reading each message one by one, opened the topmost one, which was the last received.

[Kang Jihan: I’ll wait for you at the playground.]

It was a message that came at 1 PM.

The playground seemed to refer to the one in the complex. Since he had never given his home address, that was the only place Jihan could find, having escorted him there once.

Seonwoo glanced outside. The rain was still pouring heavily. Moreover, it was now 7 PM. Jihan would have gone home by now.

“…”

Seonwoo, who had been silently staring at the message, the window, and the clock, suddenly stood up, swallowing a curse. It was because of a memory that suddenly came to mind.

That day, unexpected rain had poured down. Nam Seonwoo, working overtime to set the final exam questions, belatedly checked his missed calls. As soon as he saw the plain message resembling his roommate, telling him to come down and get an umbrella, he rushed out of the building.

The back view of Kang Jihan he encountered then was a sight that had settled in Seonwoo’s memory like a kind of talisman.

Bringing an umbrella for a roommate could be as habitual and natural as watering a plant. But for Seonwoo at that time, it wasn’t. The plant that had been dying of thirst lived for years on just one drop of attention that fell on it.

Although they didn’t return home “together” like normal couples, using the umbrella he had brought, it didn’t matter. He was just grateful that Jihan had spared some time for him.

He couldn’t understand why that memory came to mind now of all times. Knowing that the Jihan from then was a different person from the Jihan now, and also well aware that he shouldn’t show unnecessary kindness to Jihan anymore, Seonwoo still ended up grabbing a spare umbrella and running outside.

The playground, usually full of children, was quiet, submerged in rain. There wasn’t a sign of anyone anywhere.

Did he go home after all? Just as he was exhaling what might have been relief or emptiness along with his breathless panting, his eyes met with Kang Jihan’s, who was standing like a statue under a large tree in front of the playground.

He was holding an umbrella with his backpack on, just like yesterday. Wearing casual clothes instead of a school uniform, he didn’t look like a high school student, but his youthful face staring intently at Seonwoo was the same. The raindrops splashed on the hem of his jeans showed how long he had been standing there, making Seonwoo’s brow furrow.

“Hey.”

As Seonwoo approached Jihan, he thought. Why did he bring a spare umbrella? Since it had been raining continuously, of course Jihan would have come out with an umbrella. Trying to hide his foolishly hasty heart, he hid the umbrella behind his back, but Jihan’s gaze didn’t waver.

“What are you doing? It’s not like you’re protesting or something.”

Up close, he could see that Jihan’s forearms were also wet. Despite it being summer, this was perfect conditions for catching a cold. Even under Seonwoo’s questioning gaze asking why he was waiting so stupidly like this, Jihan remained silent.

With a sigh, Seonwoo tilted his umbrella back slightly, revealing Jihan’s face up close. The emotion reflected there was so transparent that Seonwoo spoke as if lashing out.

“I think you’re misunderstanding something. You waiting here like this is totally lame. It’s uncomfortable.”

“Then why did you come out?”

It was different from yesterday’s reprimanding tone. As Seonwoo blankly stared at Jihan’s lips in response to his question, he could see the dimpled cheek slowly moving upward.

“Making me misunderstand again.”

Jihan was smiling. With that refreshing dimple that used to make his heart flutter.

He couldn’t understand why the spring breeze of the past was stirring up his heart, but he couldn’t take his eyes off that piece of the past. Noticing Seonwoo’s gaze on his lips, Jihan touched his mouth. Feeling as if his agitation had been exposed, Seonwoo quickly turned his head away.

“It is a misunderstanding.”

After being treated so coldly for so long, it was irritating that his breath caught just from that one smile.

It was then that Seonwoo realized. He wasn’t angry at Jihan, but at himself.