The Unbelievers

Chapter 87

Eunseong had persistently approached without hiding his feelings, even when rejected. He became even more uninhibited after confirming that Siwoon’s feelings matched his own. He couldn’t even imagine how Siwoon was enduring this.

Whenever Siwoon felt sexual emotions toward Eunseong, he would beat his own dick. He exposed himself to pain until his groin, violently whipped, turned purplish-black with bruises. Only after enduring pain close to torture would his burning sensations finally subside.

Siwoon kept an even tighter schedule than before. He arrived at work early to reduce time spent with Eunseong and deliberately stayed late at the office. Eunseong, unable to go out and confined to the house, sat on the sofa closest to the door like a dog waiting for its master all day, endlessly waiting for his return.

Whenever Director Nam told him about this, Siwoon felt his blood run cold.

Today, as he opened the door, he prayed that Eunseong wouldn’t be there, wouldn’t be sitting pathetically waiting for him. But before he could take a few steps into the living room, his eyes met Eunseong’s.

Eunseong quickly rushed to Siwoon. He embraced him as if about to collide with his chest.

“Ahjussi, I know you deliberately came home late again.”

“…”

“But, but since you still came home, since you’re not telling me to leave again, since you’re not telling me to go abroad, I’ll let it slide.”

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

Siwoon asked with frustration why he had waited, why he was sitting like a dog in the spot where he could see him return home the fastest, waiting until this late hour.

“I took a nap during the day because I knew you’d come home late. So I could stay awake at night.”

“When am I supposed to sleep then?”

“You don’t get to sleep. I won’t let you.”

“…”

Siwoon wanted to cover his face and cry. He was experiencing firsthand what it meant to be driven crazy with frustration. Eunseong was pushing him to his limits by asking why he wouldn’t kiss him like before, how long he would remain conservative—causing him pain worse than the self-inflicted beating to his private parts.

“I need to wash up.”

“Hurry and wash then. Have you had dinner? What should I make for you?”

It was past 10 PM. He had quickly eaten dinner at the office. Checking Director Nam’s message that Eunseong was sitting endlessly on the sofa like a dog waiting for its master, everything he ate felt stuck in his chest, and it didn’t even feel like he’d had dinner.

“It’s okay. I’ll just go wash up.”

Siwoon awkwardly asked to be left alone, neither embracing Eunseong back nor pushing him away. Only then did Eunseong release his arms from around Siwoon’s waist and step back awkwardly.

Siwoon was finally free from Eunseong. He went to his room and locked the door. As soon as he locked it, he heard rattling attempts to open it, but he deliberately ignored them.

After showering, he whipped his dick that were responding to the memory of Eunseong’s touch and warmth, then opened the door with a pale face.

Eunseong was standing right there, as if he had been waiting the entire time until Siwoon opened the door.

“…You know you could open it with a key, right?”

“…”

Eunseong stood quietly at the door with a disappointed expression. Siwoon rubbed his face and exhaled a troubled sigh instead of answering.

“Actually, I asked the director and found the key. Because you keep locking the door.”

“…You did?”

“But I didn’t just open it and come in because I thought you might… be startled.”

“As I’ve told you before, I think we’re moving too quickly, I mean, our relationship is progressing too fast.”

Siwoon awkwardly tried to explain his behavior while continuously touching his face and neck.

“Still… still I think we should kiss at least once a day.”

“…”

“Even if we’re being careful. Even though we shouldn’t like each other, since we’ve decided to like each other anyway.”

Siwoon truly felt like he was going insane. Realizing that no matter how honest and brave Eunseong was, it couldn’t have been easy for him to bring this up, made him feel even more tormented.

“It’s not that I don’t want to.”

“…I don’t think I can hold back. I can’t stand it.”

Eunseong looked aggrieved, unable to understand Siwoon’s position despite trying to comprehend it.

“Me neither. I feel like I can’t hold back either.”

“…What?”

“I feel like I can’t hold back. I’m afraid I’ll do something terrible.”

“What kind of… terrible thing?”

“That’s adult talk.”

“I… I know everything. I’m an adult too.”

“That’s… well, that’s…”

That was absolutely off-limits. Siwoon instinctively knew that if they crossed that line, it would be impossible to stop himself by merely beating his dick, and once they started, there would be no turning back.

Seeing Siwoon in such distress that he was sweating, Eunseong grabbed his hand, telling him to stop touching his cheek. His anxiously moving hand was caught by Eunseong.

“I don’t really understand what you mean, but your caution… I’m not that upset about it.”

“…”

“It means you think I’m precious.”

“Thanks for understanding.”

“But holding hands is okay, right?”

“…”

“I want to see the stars. Would you like to see them with me?”

Eunseong liked being in his study. Siwoon followed Eunseong into the study.

Eunseong gave Siwoon breathing room by positioning himself in front of the telescope. Siwoon could finally leisurely browse through his books.

“Oh right, you said you went back to where you used to work.”

Siwoon, putting a book back on the shelf, asked Eunseong, who was looking through the finder at the telescope by the window. Eunseong answered without taking his eye off the eyepiece.

“I had something I left behind, things to say, and also there was someone who was kind to me, so I wanted to thank them properly. It’s not polite to just disappear suddenly from people you know.”

Although retrieving his mother’s photo was the biggest reason, he still wanted to clear up any misunderstandings about himself, especially since he hadn’t just disappeared but had been seen being taken away by police as a wanted person.

“Who was kind to you?”

It was the restaurant owner who was troubled by her thirty-year-old unemployed son.

Eunseong took his eye off the telescope searching for the North Star and turned to look at him. Siwoon, arms crossed and leaning against the bookshelf, was asking with a suddenly serious expression.

“There’s someone who was really kind and nice to me.”

“They must have been very nice. For you to say it like that.”

“Warm, affectionate, and especially good to me in particular.”

“So good that you didn’t want to come home?”

Remembering the fried eggs that the lady would serve only to him, Eunseong smiled gently, as if reminiscing about someone he missed.

“I can’t say I didn’t think about that… but it’s true that I gained strength to endure because of her.”

“So, you were so grateful that you bought them a gift?”

His tone sounded a bit stiff, even though he didn’t know exactly what gift was bought for whom or how much it cost. Eunseong’s gaze, which was turning back to the telescope, shifted to look at Siwoon.

“You said it was fine before. To use the card freely, spend as much as I want, buy whatever I want.”

“I did say that.”

“But now?”

“I don’t mind you spending freely, but giving it to someone else is a bit…”

“A bit what?”

“It just feels wrong.”

“Why do you keep changing your mind?”

“I’m not changing my mind, but someone taking advantage of you… ah, forget it.”

He stopped himself as indecent words were about to come out.

“Taking advantage of me? I’m not naive enough to be taken advantage of by someone. You’re saying that because you’ve never seen me fight. I have a confrontational personality when I need to.”

“The very fact that you think that way makes it seem like you’re already being taken advantage of.”

Eunseong was looking at him with a displeased expression, protesting that he wasn’t that naive. Fidgeting with a book he had no intention of reading, Siwoon continued.

“Buying someone gifts just because they were a little nice to you?”

He was asking what kind of fool would do such a thing.

“They were so incredibly kind to me!”

“Are you confusing kindness with flirtation?”

“Flirtation? That person?”

Eunseong felt like he was picking a fight for no reason.

“So I shouldn’t even thank people who were good to me?”

“I don’t know how good they were to you, but it wasn’t necessary.”

“Are you upset about the money?”

“That’s not it, that’s not what I mean.”

Siwoon closed the book with a loud thud.

“Then what?”

“…Forget it.”

“I don’t want to forget it.”

“…”

“That lady was so kind to me. When I was really struggling, she encouraged me, saying that’s how life is, and specially made fried eggs just for me, and even prepared jujube ginger tea in a tumbler so I wouldn’t catch a cold. When you’re shivering from the cold, one sip of warm jujube ginger tea… you wouldn’t know, would you?”

“…”

“The cold completely disappears. And the sadness too.”

“…Lady?”

“There’s a restaurant owner nearby. Her cooking skills are no joke.”

“Is that who you gave the gift to?”

“Who else would I give it to? I’m only nice to people who are nice to me. I’m mean back to people who are mean to me.”

“…Hmm, in that case, you should definitely thank her.”

Siwoon cleared his throat unnecessarily while rubbing the back of his neck.

Eunseong gave him a brief glaring look, asking why he kept changing his mind, then turned his attention back to the lens.