They Mistook my Meow as a Dao

It started with an offhand comment.

Whiskers had been lounging across Ruan Fei's lap while a visiting divine emissary waited awkwardly nearby. The emissary, trying to make conversation, said:

"He's so majestic. Someone should open a shrine. Or a… shop. A shrine shop. A cat-themed one."

The raccoons were eavesdropping.

By morning, they'd submitted a business proposal to the Celestial Commerce Pavilion titled:

"Whisker Heaven: A Divine Café Experience (With Purring)."

It was approved in seven minutes.

Mostly because the Moon signed off personally with a glowing stamp and three exclamation points.

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"Whisker Heaven" opened atop Floating Pavilion Nine, a sacred site just beneath the heavenly bridge to the Immortal Bureaucracy.

It featured:

Cloud-pillow lounges

Fishcake pastries

Catnip-infused tea

Miniature divine beast plushies that purred when squeezed

Every item had a slogan:

"Brewed with Dao and Dander."

"Napping encouraged. Enlightenment optional."

"Fluff is a lifestyle."

Whiskers was not informed of this project.

He was kidnapped lovingly by the squirrel brothers and placed in the café's sacred throne-nest—constructed from moon silk and faint celestial regret.

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Whiskers woke up surrounded by petals, snacks, and chanting.

A bell rang.

Xi-Xi, wearing a frilly apron, shouted, "OUR HONORED HOST HAS AWAKENED!"

A divine peacock fainted.

Whiskers blinked once. Knocked over the teapot. Bit a cushion. Fell asleep again.

This was interpreted as a blessing.

The first ten customers ascended minor realms.

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A bored war god came for tea and left reciting haikus. A tiger cultivator tried to pet Whiskers and had a vision of his past lives (most involved naps and regret).

An immortal prince was so moved by the cat's indifference that he donated a mountain.

The café tripled its traffic in two days.

Ruan Fei began writing romantic sword poetry on the menu boards.

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Success brought trouble.

1. Pilgrims Block the Gates

Thousands of cultivators lined up daily. Some camped in clouds. One built a shrine out of rice dumplings.

2. Unofficial Merch

Bootleg "Dao Cat" charms flooded mortal markets. One glowed. Another bit its owner.

3. The Cat Himself

Whiskers began teleporting randomly just to escape. He once appeared inside the Immortal Treasury and took a nap on a cursed coin.

The coin was purified. The Bureau filed a "Divine Entity Nap Insurance Form."

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One day, a well-meaning fan presented a whisker-shaped cake with gold-leaf eyes and chocolate paw pads.

Whiskers sniffed it.

Then swatted it off the table.

It exploded into pure enlightenment.

Seven elders passed out from spiritual overstimulation.

Whiskers left immediately.

He climbed the Heavenly Wall, batted a phoenix out of the way, and vanished.

Ruan Fei found him asleep in a noodle bowl three realms away.

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The café was shut down "for divine refurbishment."

The Moon issued a decree: "Let the cat nap in peace. Worship from afar."

Instead, the café reopened as:

"Whisker's Wake: A Quiet Tea Room (He's Not Here, Don't Ask)"

Now it serves calming tea blends, gentle ambient music, and has a strict "No Touching the Invisible Cat" rule.

Whiskers occasionally leaves fur on a cushion.

People cry when they find it.

Epilogue: Café Memo Board Quotes

✎ "He glared at me. I saw the Dao."

✎ "The tea was warm. The stare was cold. Perfect."

✎ "Best spiritual fishcake this side of the cosmos. 10/10 would transcend again."

✎ "Master Whiskers bit my sleeve. I treasure the holes."