They Mistook my Meow as a Dao

It all started with a mirror.

A mysterious artifact, recently excavated from the ruins of the Whispering Carp Temple, where it had been buried beneath three curses, a sleeping turtle god, and several layers of bureaucratic paperwork.

Xi-Xi found it and immediately thought:

"What if I used this for vanity rituals?"

What she should have thought was:

"Why is it whispering 'Two legs, two legs, embrace the curse of bipedalism'?"

She brought it back to Azure Cloud Sect and placed it in Whiskers' shrine room.

He glanced at it.

Flicked his tail.

And promptly hopped through the frame.

There was a flash of gold.

A yowl.

And then—

"...Ow."

Spoken. In perfect human language.

----------

The Sect Elders gathered.

And stared.

At a man.

Tall. Elegant. Barefoot. Wearing nothing but fur-lined robes hastily conjured by a panicking spirit crane.

With hair the color of sun-warmed stone, golden eyes like twin judgmental suns, and an expression that screamed:

"I regret every choice leading up to this moment."

Whiskers, now human, stood in the courtyard—arms crossed, tail missing, ears gone, offended by the weight of gravity and the loss of his majestic paws.

He promptly attempted to walk.

Tripped.

Hissed.

----------

Ruan Fei arrived just as a sect disciple fainted from nosebleed-induced divine overload.

She blinked.

Once.

Then calmly said:

"No."

"Meow," Whiskers said, lips curling in despair. "That's not satisfying anymore."

She stared.

He pouted.

Someone in the distance began composing a love ballad called "When the God Gained Hands."

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Within hours:

• A cult from two chapters ago returned, claiming "this is his final form."

• A demon warlord sent flowers.

• The Celestial Fashion Bureau offered him a modeling contract.

• The raccoons tried to rebrand the shrine into a "spa for spirit-kin with abs."

Meanwhile, Whiskers:

• Swatted a cup off a table, missed, and got offended.

• Could not nap comfortably.

• Missed his tail.

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Meanwhile, Xi-Xi attempted to teach him "human things":

1. How to drink tea without knocking over the cup

2. How to walk without clawing at drapery

3. How to bathe (he refused, hissed, and nearly set the tub on fire with latent divine aura)

At one point, Ruan Fei found him trying to sit in a box that was clearly too small.

"Why," she asked gently, "are you like this?"

Whiskers growled. "Instinct."

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At the Peach Garden

Someone, probably the squirrel brothers, spread a rumor that the Human Whiskers would bestow "paw blessings" at the ancient Peach Garden of Blessings.

Hundreds gathered.

Whiskers arrived.

Sat on a peach tree branch.

Scowled.

Someone tossed him a grilled fish skewer.

He caught it.

Bit it.

And in that moment… divine peace radiated across the valley.

Peach blossoms bloomed.

Old scars faded.

The Moon herself swooned slightly.

Whiskers stood.

Tried to leap down dramatically.

He tripped and landed on Ruan Fei.

Bit her shoulder in panic buy she didn't mind.

But the Peach Tree declared that moment "the beginning of a new sacred era" and tried to marry them again.

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Eventually, the Elders consulted the Dao Tree.

It whispered:

"It is temporary. As all things are. The fur shall return."

"Can you be more specific?" Elder Mei asked.

"Within one sun and one moon."

Xi-Xi, frantically flipping her "Reverse Curse Recipes" book, cheered.

Ruan Fei sighed in immense relief.

Whiskers?

He was chewing on the sleeve of his own robe, looking miserable.

As night fell, Whiskers (still human) did the following:

• Snuck into the koi pond

• Tried to chase the moon's reflection

• Accidentally flirted with a passing fox spirit who now writes him letters weekly

• Curled into Ruan Fei's lap and complained about knees

"...They bend. All the time. For no reason."

She stroked his hair.

"You'll be back to fur by dawn."

He paused.

Then whispered, "...You'll still like me, right?"

She smiled.

"I married the soul. The tail was just a bonus."

At sunrise, a ripple of golden mist spread across the courtyard.

Whiskers shimmered, stretched—

And pop—

He was a cat again.

Glorious. Fluffy. Powerful.

He promptly batted Ruan Fei's tea off the table.

She laughed and kissed his head.

"I missed you."

He purred like thunderclouds dreaming.

Extra: What Everyone Learned

Whiskers never wants to be bipedal again. Ever.

Xi-Xi is banned from bringing artifacts home without clearance.

Ruan Fei keeps a hand-drawn portrait of "human Whiskers" in a hidden scroll.

The Cult of the Eternal Nap added a new secret doctrine:

  > "In dreams, he walks on two legs. Pray it ends quickly."